‘SNL’ imagines victory lap after Trump acquittal

Hours after the Senate vote to acquit former President Donald J. Trump for inciting the January 6 riot on Capitol Hill, “Saturday Night Live” imagined how some of Trump’s Republican allies in the Senate might celebrate in a parody episode of “Tucker Carlson Tonight.”

Alex Moffat played this Fox News host, who likened himself to a human White Claw and began his broadcast with what he called “a loose collection of fear-mongering non-sequiturs.” Among them, “Is AOC hiding in your house right now?” and “Pixar: Does this make our kids depressed or gay?” Pick one. “

The first guest on the program was Senator Lindsey Graham (Kate McKinnon), who said it was “a beautiful day for 30% of the United States”.

In defense of Trump, McKinnon said, “Just because the rioters were yelling ‘Fight for Trump’ didn’t mean they were talking about Donald Trump. It could have been real Tiffany faces. Maybe even Eric Stan’s, I don’t know. But anyway, the trial is over and we can now move beyond that and focus on the serious issues. It’s locking up Hillary and freeing the beautiful Britney Spears.

McKinnon added that she did not understand the contempt directed at Trump. “He’s smart, he’s nice, he’s in good shape,” she says. “Last fall he died of Covid and didn’t even tell anyone.

Playing the role of Senator Ted Cruz, Aidy Bryant discussed the relationship between Republican senators and Trump’s legal adviser. “Like any impartial juror,” she said, “we took the initiative to meet with the defense lawyers, to give them very simple advice: stop and don’t do it.

Inside the Senate Chamber, Mikey Day played Trump’s attorney, Bruce L. Castor Jr., who apologized by mistakenly identifying himself as the senior prosecutor, usher, and a lady d ‘honor. Pete Davidson, who played his earthy defense attorney Michael van der Veen, said he was in a hurry to complete the proceedings because he had “already purchased a non-refundable train ticket to Phillyvania, Pa.”

The last guest was Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett), who despite Trump’s denunciation said his not guilty vote was justified “because everyone knows you can’t impeach a former President”.

“That’s why we should have removed him before, when I said we couldn’t,” he said. “I think he’s guilty as hell, and the worst person I’ve ever met and I hope every city, county and state locks his ass up.”

Bennett then took a long breath and said, “God, that felt good. I’ve been keeping this in my neck for four years.

Asked what he would do now in the Senate, Bennett replied, “I plan to run my hand across the aisle and then pull it back and slide it over my hair, then say: ” Too slow “.

Fake ad of the week

If you can afford a trendy Peloton exercise bike, but aren’t interested in its product’s always-optimistic motivational messages on screen, “SNL” may have a product that’s right for you. It’s the Pelotaunt, which in this ad is touted as “the only exercise bike that gives you personalized negative reinforcement at home and relentless criticism.”

Among its many modes of emotional manipulation are snotty disdain, insincere praise, and avoidant attachment style. And if none of these settings get you in shape, why not try a workout with the theme of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” or the video of “An Older Woman Who’s Like 1,000 Times Better Than You”?

Who among us has not needed the intervention of a plastic surgeon after using an extremely strong adhesive as a replacement for hair spray? It happened in real life to Tessica Brown, who became an unfortunate viral sensation when she stuck her pie with Gorilla Glue.

Now, if either of us makes the same mistake, we have the law firm Denzel and Latrice Commode (Kenan Thompson and Regina King), who can’t do our hair but can help us win some big cash settlements. . As King explained, “Fact: Every day up to one person falls victim to the use of Gorilla Glue in place of a beauty product. And they deserve compensation. She added that while the odds are tough, these lawyers understand what they are up against. “We know it will be difficult to bring a gorilla to justice and prosecute it for its glue,” she said.

Jokes of the week

At the weekend’s office of updates, presenters Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to criticize the acquittal of Trump’s impeachment.

Jost started:

Like so many other men living in Florida, Donald Trump has once again escaped justice. This has to be the dumbest trial I have ever seen. Here’s how stupid it was: The jurors, who decide the case, are the ones who were attacked by the accused. The trial took place at the scene of the crime. And then just after the trial was over, one of the jurors who voted for Trump’s acquittal ran away and said, ‘Someone has to sue this guy. He did it. This man belongs to the prison. What are you going to do? If you’re going to impeach the president for anything, don’t you think that sends a mob to kill the vice president? I feel bad for Pence – 43 of his work friends were like, oh come on, Mike, they only tried to hang you. Stop being a drama queen. I think it would be hilarious if Biden now sent rioters back to Capitol Hill. And he was like, what? You said it was good.

What continued:

During Donald Trump’s impeachment, House officials showed security footage of rioters on Capitol Hill violently attacking police. But here’s a little black history lesson for you: Just because there’s video evidence doesn’t mean you’re going to be convicted.

Jost then added:

Video evidence of the January 6 violence showed that Senator Mitt Romney and Vice President Pence both had close contact with rioters. So let me clear it up: are you a white supremacist mafia chasing these guys? The two whitest guys I could think of? They make me look like Ice-T.

Most valuable player of the week

No one at the moment seems to have it easier or better than Tom Brady, the NFL quarterback who won his record-breaking seventh Super Bowl last weekend in his first season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, after leaving his longtime home with the New England Patriots. .

But, as Bennett portrays it at the weekend update desk, Brady is drunk, insulting, Vince Lombardi Trophy scramble who brags about his successes and pokes fun at his former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick (“Do you hear that, Bill? You’re not my dad anymore!”) as Bennett explained in a moment of disgust. of itself, “My problem is Nobody loves me. I don’t know what I did that wrong. All I did was go out and win the Super Bowl. I just kept going. to think, maybe I’ll have another trophy and people will love me No. They don’t talk about wins. They just talk about the way I kiss my sons.