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After two weeks of struggling to mock politics in Joe Biden’s day, Saturday Night Live finally had something to work on this weekend: the second impeachment trial and the inevitable acquittal of Donald Trump.
The stage opened on Saturday with “Human White Claw” Tucker Carlson (played by Alex Moffat) hosting Kate McKinnon’s Lindsey Graham and Aidy Bryant’s Ted Cruz on his Fox News show.
“There’s a lot to cover tonight including the impeachment,” Carlson said at the top of the cold open sketch. “So instead of my usual monologue, here’s a loose collection of fear-mongering non-sequiturs. Is AOC hiding in your house right now? I wouldn’t let her pass. Pronouns for dogs? Come on, everyone knows they’re boys. Pixar: Does this make our kids depressed or gay? Pick one! “
When Graham joined the show, he said, “Thanks, Tucker, it’s a beautiful day for 30% of America,” before explaining, “We all agree that the attack on the Capitol was a horrible thing. But just because the rioters were shouting “ fight for Trump ” didn’t mean they were talking about Donald Trump. They could have been real Tiffany faces. Maybe Eric Stan? I do not know!”
“Either way, the trial is over and now we can move on and focus on the serious issues,” he continued. “It’s locking up Hillary and freeing the beautiful Britney Spears.”
“That’s a great point, Lindsey,” Carlson replied. “It really makes me contort my face like I think it is.
Cruz then joined them as the words “Trump said ‘ugly wife'” appeared on the screen below him. “Like any impartial juror, we took the initiative to meet with defense lawyers to give them very simple legal advice: stop and don’t do it.”
Then, after a handful of jokes at the expense of Trump’s defense attorneys, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) appeared to resume his sudden scolding of the former president despite his vote to acquit him. .
“Everyone knows you can’t remove a former president,” McConnell said. “That’s why we should have removed him before, when I said we couldn’t.”
And finally, asked him what he really thought of Trump, he added, “I think he’s guilty as hell. And the worst person I have ever met. And I hope every city, county and state locks up their ass. Oh my God, it felt good! I’ve been keeping this in my neck for four years!
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