Summary of Season 8 of episode 5 of Game of Thrones: A song of fire and … more fire

This is the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones, and we still have a lot of questions! What will happen to Cersei? How many of our favorites will die of horrible and bloody deaths? And who will finally be able to sit on the throne he has been playing for eight seasons?

Do not lie to ourselves. The episode of last week left a little to be desired. Daenerys has a flying dragon, but it was not delivered with the "arrow detection" mode anyway? Queen Cersei is undeniably perverse but she does not take advantage of her advantage to slay her enemies? And Jon revealing to Sansa and Arya his real family lineage – one of the most integral plot points of the show – in a conversation that goes off screen? Are you kidding me?

Do not even start me on the fact that Jon has not patted Ghost.

But Game of Thrones has a solid form by dropping serious drama in the penultimate episode of the season (think of the red wedding and the bastards battle). And it's definitely delivered!

Get ready for the spoilers – we have your full summary ready to go.

Drama, drama, drama

The crew has decamped to Dragonstone and the mood is dark. Lord Varys chose his side and wrote a lot of notes that Jon Snow is the legitimate heir to the Iron Throne. It turns out that the Master of Whisperers is really good at whispering.

Varys still wants Jon to get on the throne because he is convinced that Dany is starting to be a little skeptical.

"They say that every time a Targaryen is born, the gods throw a coin and the world holds its breath … we both know what it's going to do," he says to Jon, referring to Dany more and more crazy. "I still do not know how his piece landed, but I'm quite sure of yours."

But Jon does not have one. "She is my queen," he says, clearly not being informed of the end of this episode.

Meanwhile, Dany is going through a difficult time. Anyone who has seen The Bachelor could tell the producers that they did choose a bow of villains for her this episode – she does not eat, she refuses to join the party and her hair looks like a picture of her. 39, before in an advertisement of Garnier. In the newspaper room, sorry for the WAR room, Tyrion tries to make sense of it, but that's no use – the writers have opted for their archetype of "crazy woman" so that Dany can not see the meaning. She is convinced that Jon has betrayed her by revealing their family ties and, just like a Bachelor House candidate, she sees enemies everywhere.

Someone will have to die for that. And who else than the Whisperer Master, Lord Varys. Knowing a conspiracy to turn when he hears one (it looks like unmatched boots walking toward your door), Varys burns his last secret letter, removes his rings and quietly congratulates himself on having managed to move to the next. before last.

While Dany condemns him to death, Tyrion discreetly reveals that he was the one who betrayed Varys and we get our first goodbye from the episode.

Dracarys becomes Drac-Varys.

Conflagulations! You have just burned your ally!

Cut off shortly after burnination, and Dany sticks to his weapons. She blames Sansa for sharing Jon's secret ("she killed Varys as much as me") and laments the fact that no one seems to pick up what she's writing ("I did not not love here, only fear. "

The cynic in me would say that burning people around you is a great way to inspire fear, but it's probably not helpful. Instead, Jon says he still loves him, but his kiss with a sleaping mouth says otherwise.

"Okay, then," Dany replies. "Be it fear."

Let's move on to the Dragonstone throne room to explore this theme! Tyrion reminds Dany that the inhabitants of King & # 39; s Landing are innocent and that his imminent attack should be spared. In an excellent piece of mental gymnastics, Daenerys reminds everyone that she shows mercy by killing a tyrant. If, on her way, she swings her arms and knocks thousands of civilians with funny flames, it's their own fault.

Uh, no, that's not quite what he meant. Tyrion begs Daenerys to cancel his armies if the bells of King's Landing sound. We get the equivalent of a "mumble, mumble, we'll see", but frankly, it's probably the best that this queen with fast disintegration can offer us now.

Brothers of arms

Outside King's Landing, the troops are gearing up for another battle and mentally calculate overtime done since last time. took up arms against the dead in Winterfell. You'd better believe that these guys are looking forward to their days.

In the middle of the preparation, Arya and The Hound cross the camp. Apparently, the password to get through the guards is "I'm Arya Stark, I'm here to kill Cersei." The guard, who weighed the benefits of missing a battle with overtime that he could get to fight on a Sunday, lets them through.

Meanwhile, Tyrion blows his way into the tent where Jaime, captured while he was heading to King's Landing, is held prisoner (the guards C & # 39; mon, you call him at this time -the). He only wants Cersei to see common sense and save the lives of the townsmen of King's Landing – in fact a "someone will not think of children?" – But Jaime says she's not going to give up.

"The child is the reason she will never give an inch," he says.

WELL. Then Tyrion squeezes him and asks him to escape with Cersei so the kingdom can surrender, telling Jaime to use the secret passage Tyrion had used during season 7, episode 5, to sneak in the castle. Tyrion has either saved himself from countless innocent lives, or he has just given an escape to his devilish tyrant sister. Potayto, Potahto. Jaime rightly points out that he could be executed for this.

"Tens of thousands of innocent lives, a dwarf not particularly innocent, it looks like fair trade," Tyrion answers.

And with that, Tyrion says another goodbye in tears. The two brothers have what can be described as a hug "one of us will die", so it is time to mentally add one of these two people to your list of accounts. (Sorry, Ser Bron, you sleep, you lose.)

Enter Drogon, left step

Remember when the night before the battle could last an entire episode? We do not have time for that! It's morning and we have soldiers to kill!

Lannister's armies are loading their Scorpion crossbows that kill dragons, the iron fleet sings nonsense and city-dwellers, who have just been informed of the Human Shield operation, are trying to get away with it. escape before the imminent carnage. Cersei watches over all this in a new red velvet issue that she has prepared for the occasion. Below, Jaime sneaks into the city as if it's Assassin's day of cosplay at Creed's Comic-Con.

Here's the good way to get things moving, and here's the kickoff: Dany flies over Drogon, pumping undoubtedly pretty tunes from Led Zeppelin into his dragon-mounted Bluetooth speaker to help him to get up. After Rhaegal failed spectacularly last week, his dragon brother is ready to settle the score and that means burn everything.

Goodbye iron fleet! Goodbye, Scorpion crossbows! Goodbye, massive wall preventing Dany's armies from entering! The armies Unsullied and Dothraki charge, and like that, it's like Drogon Kong.

I'd like to take a break here to mourn the death of Gavin S. Charming – the head of the Golden Company and the guy I really thought was good enough to have a little history before his death. But with the spearhead of Gray Worm, Jaime Lannister of the poor man is sent with very little to do. By the time he ran away, you could see his entire career in Hollywood unfold before his eyes.

In the red dungeon, Cersei is convinced that it does not end well, but in the streets below, everyone does a great job to prove to her that she is wrong. While Cersei's forces were exhausting, Jon, Ser Davos and Gray Worm found themselves face to face with Lannister's army. There is a gap (I hope briefly that they will click and sashay to get out, style Jets vs. Sharks) and Lannister's army drops their swords.

Excellent! It's over, right? The bells ring to go and everyone can go to bed! Oh, my sweet summer child …

Daenerys Targaryen, flame bearer

Until then, I was secretly hoping to get a redemption from Dany. I just finished my second cup of tea and everyone I'm watching this episode would really like a pee break. But at the top of King's Landing walls, Daenerys Targaryen looks at our restroom breaks and she laughs. It's the turning point. Dany shook his eight-year-old magic ball and the prospects are war crimes.

After watching Cersei for a distance of about 3 miles, Dany gives the kickoff to Drogon and flies over King's Landing. Innocent civilians, screaming women and children, ordinary people working in tanning shops and blacksmiths in this city. Dany does not care about the macroeconomic consequences of destroying an entire agrarian society that depends on small business owners. She came here to kill.

Gray Worm, who has clearly not yet begun to treat her grief after the death of Missendei, takes this as a sign of the situation. He embodies a soldier who has surrendered and we begin the complete waste of King's Landing.

Realizing that Dany is trying to beat her in the evil stakes, Cersei has acknowledged her defeat and she is coming out of hell. Meanwhile, at the secret entrance to the seaside, Euron surprises Jaime (both in the direction of "going up behind you" and in the way "I was fucking your sister"). After a good old fight, Euron stabs Jaime (that does not end surely like that ?!) Before Jaime takes him in the belly.

Like everyone you've ever had a flames war on Twitter, Euron is trying to get credit for hurting his enemy while completely missing the point. "I have you! I am the man who killed Jaime Lannister!" he cries as he bleeds.

I know he lives on the ocean, but damn this guy is salty.

O brother, where are you?

The dog and Arya headed for the red dungeon. The Dog has always had a soft spot for Arya, on average, hardened in battle, and he still has one last act of chivalry.

Arya was on a mission to kill Cersei and The Hound to start Cleganebowl, but as the Red Dungeon crumbled, he told her to return safely. Revenge is not worth it.

"Do you want to be like me?" the dog is barking at her. "You come with me, you die here."

"Sandor," she replies (like that friend so helpful at your mixer, reminding you of your colleague's name). "Thank you."

With Arya bowing out, we climb into the dungeon because The Hound has an account to settle with his undead brother – it's time for CLEGANEBOWL! Striking Qyburn out of his way with the old move "crush your skull on a rock", The Mountain is ready. Cersei takes this for reference and, with a word of politeness "Excuse me, I just realized that I must put myself behind you, do not pay attention to me," she is out of 5,000.

It's the dog against the mountain. Brother against brother. Heroism against … wait, what is it? The Mountain removed his helmet and it's like he had just pulled out an old bandage. Except that in this case, the dressing covers three seasons of Undead Darth Vader's face and he will need more than an antiseptic sold without a prescription to fix things.

The Hound realizes things are going a little too bad, because his brother will not die. The Dog quickly thinks: "Hey, I read the Odyssey!" and stabs the mountain in the eyes. No die. The Mountain, thinking back to the time when he was in an amateur production of Richard III, reacted by turning off his brother's eyes with his thumbs. Clearly, you can not stab the mountain to death. The stone beats the scissors.

There is nothing left for that. With a last bitter embrace, the spear The Hound attacks the mountain off the donjon's ruined tower and they fall in shock at their death.

The end of an era

With all his dead allies, Cersei wandered in his ruined castle and looked like a confused Travolta meme, but finally, Jaime is there. The brothers and sisters are reunited and Jaime, who has listened a lot to Metallica in the North, reminds Cersei that they only need one of the other and that "Nothing of Another does not matter. "

This is a great chance, as the world is sinking into a dragon basket, and everyone who watches at home has realized that slow piano music is starting and that, on the narrative level, they have no more options. They fled into the bowels of the castle to go to the hall where they keep their dragon skeletons, ready to escape.

But the escape is blocked. Just like that. It's over and the end is so simple and so poignant. the great evil queen, the man who killed for her – these two characters we all imagined to die so many times, not coming out with a bang, but with a groan. Crushed under the weight of their own castle, their bones remained in dust, like the hundred-year-old dragons that surround them.

Once our Lannister villains are destroyed, there is a strange void as we return to the streets of King's Landing, Arya taking stock of the wreckage that surrounds it. Burnt bodies of a mother protecting her child, countless deaths at the hands of Daenerys.

As she rides on the last horse, unscathed as if by magic, at King's Landing, the rest of the world is channeling her Tyra Banks: Dammit, Dany, we were holding you. We were all rooting for you.