Zanzibar divorce lawyer says marriage makes sick women

It's a Wednesday morning in Stone Town, Zanzibar, and Abdallah runs a free yoga class for women with disabilities. Only one woman is present today, and she is three months pregnant, so Abdallah consults her book "Yoga for Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond" and selects slow, meditative, deep breathing and relaxation.

Yoga for the past eight years, focusing on women in crisis struggling with their mental health. While teaching yoga at Kidongo Chekundu, the Central Psychiatric Hospital of Zanzibar, she had a revelation: Many women in her workshops were not necessarily mentally ill. Instead, "it's really the marriage that makes them sick," Abdallah said. As an unofficial "divorce defender" of Zanzibar, she has a deep respect for the institution of marriage, but she also believes that divorce can seriously improve the health of a woman – and perhaps even save his life

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Abdallah's own marriage crisis led him on a path of total transformation and recovery from his mental health and well-being. Married before reaching the age of 21, Abdallah was determined not to repeat the trauma that she had experienced as a child. Abdallah's parents divorced when she was 2 years old, and when her mother remarried, years of discord at home followed. She saw her mother and stepfather struggling and thinking, "I'm not going in that direction."

As a young couple "[it] was hard but we had a good life," recalls Abdallah. "We did not have money but I was the happiest woman in the world, we were really friends who talked about everything, we planned everything together, we joked, and we had ri. "

At the age of 25, life flourished as her husband got a good job, they bought a house and Abdallah gave birth to his son. The couple acquired property and more savings, but Abdallah felt that her husband's personality began to change. "He became authoritarian, I became distant, we never had time to talk, I realized that I had lost my friend, and the whole marriage became meaningless." At first, Abdallah saw himself as a victim and blamed himself for their challenges. "I thought," Maybe I'm not a good woman. "All that went wrong, I thought it was me."

Nuru Mwalim Hamis, a 32-year-old social worker from the Zanzibar Association of Social Workers (ZASWA) who works as a civil servant at Women's Department, has taken The ZCRC was recently founded in partnership with Save the Children in Zanzibar to strengthen child rights and child protection and offer free counseling services to children. The most vulnerable women and children of Zanzibar. Hamis has worked with many women in stressful marriages, including those who have become deaf or blind at severe beatings, or who have reported fear, coercion or intimidation in marriage. . it has become increasingly stressful to stay married. According to the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) National Action Plan to End Violence against Women and Children 2017-2022, "more than two-thirds of married women report some degree of conjugal control ". A significant number of women report being excluded from decision-making in the household, including decisions about their own health. "For others," violence against women would be standardized according to social norms and practices [Zanzibar’s]. "More than a third of men and women agree that" the beat of the wife by a husband is justified in specific situations like burning the food, chatting with him, going out without telling him or neglecting the children "

at the ZCRC, Hamis stated that" divorce [in Zanzibar] is a very difficult situation. First, it is difficult for a woman to return to her family after marriage. If there are conflicts in the marriage, she is told to endure, to be patient, and at the end of the day she becomes extremely frustrated. As a counselor, her primary goal is to help women return to a clear mental state where they can make informed decisions. She and her team follow the laws and customs of Islam to guide the counseling process and promote reconciliation where possible.

"When there is tension in a marriage, we do what we can to save [it]." Meetings are held with the extended family on both sides to resolve the conflict. major problem, the sheha [a government-appointed local community leader] intervenes to hear the grievance.If the husband refuses to attend these sessions, we will have no choice but to call the police or advise a separation.We want to solve our problems peacefully, but sometimes it's necessary for an intervention. "

As stress intensified in Abdallah's wedding, she tended hand to her husband's family to get his support

our problems, "according to Swahili culture and tradition informed by the laws of Islam. In retrospect, "it has not really been helpful," she said

Abdallah began to have inexplicable seizures and his health deteriorated. "Many people thought that I was possessed.My mother thought that I was mentally ill.My husband advised me to" pray, pray, pray. "Abdallah has reached a breaking point, asking her husband at close range: "Can we fix that, or do we have to hold the nail and hold the hammer?"

A few months later, she said, "Now I'm holding the hammer," and left the marriage of 14.

Lawyer Jamila Juma, director of the Zanzibar Women Lawyers Association (ZAFELA), behind her office, "[In Zanzibar] we follow Islamic law, the Quran teaches us to begin – and to end – any relationship in peace, but often the courts favor men by pure patriarchy, and women and men, children suffer to obtain their fundamental rights. "

As written in the Quran in Chapter 2, verse 231:

"If you divorce women, and that they reach the term fix befriend them, or let them enter, do not hold them back by wickedness, to be vindictive, whoever does this unjust himself. "

Y and, divorce proceedings are often delayed because the Quran also orders two waiting periods of three months each before a divorce is final, at the discretion of the husband.

In 2017, about 1,220 divorce cases were tried in kadi religious courts, where all the issues of property distribution, inheritance and child custody are determined.While the number of divorces has decreased by 36% since 2014, Juma still sees a crisis in terms of women's rights. "A man thinks that if he gives a woman food, shelter and clothing, that is sufficient. But it is not enough. Marriage does not give a man the right to keep a woman inside [the house]. She also needs peace, love and faith. A woman will hesitate to separate because she is wondering how she can meet her basic needs, "Juma said. According to the National Action Plan to End Violence Against Women and Children, 73% of married women earn less than their husbands.

The Kadhi Court Act, passed by the House of Representatives of Zanzibar in September 2017, finally recognized and measured a woman's "emotional work" as "hidden contributions" in a marriage.

"There are all kinds of ways Women contribute to a marriage, but it has rarely been recognized by the courts," Juma explained. Women share their ideas; they take [care] children; they are the foundation of a family's survival.

At the ZCRC, social worker Hamis insists on the need to provide more support services to women in crisis and has recently partnered with the Zanzibar Imam Association to set up three-month courses on marriage. to learn more about the meaning of marriage. She and her team are also working with kadi court officials to get an official place where ZASWA social workers can offer free advice and counseling to women in distress. According to her, "the difference between feeling like a princess or wanting to die tomorrow depends on the man who marries you."

At the age of 35, gripped by fear and doubt, Abdallah moved with his mother and son and said that it took him nearly two years to recover from the divorce. "At first, I saw myself as a victim," she recalls. She traveled two hours by ferry to Dar es Salaam to seek medical advice. "My stress was high on the mountain.A doctor asked me," Do you remember what happens right before a seizure? "I realized that every time I had [a seizure] my ex-husband was there. "The doctor helped Abdallah connect seizures and seizures."

At that time, Abdallah set to work with Sasik, a women's embroidery collective based on As a member of Sasik, Abdallah is surrounded by women who were experiencing their own problems.It is then that she met with Bev, a British friend who has had her own life. first introduced Abdallah to a visiting yoga teacher. "It was really funny at first. I could barely touch my toes; I held my breath and I was totally unyielding. I looked at the teacher and thought, "Who is it?". While she was starting a home office, however, Abdallah became more flexible and, most importantly, she discovered that she had fewer seizures.

His time on the carpet led to a renewed commitment to healing, health and well-being; She has enrolled in courses with Africa Yoga Project in Nairobi, Kenya, and has finally set up a practice as a certified yoga instructor in Zanzibar. As a Muslim, Abdallah enjoys the parallels between yoga postures and the five essential prayer poses of Islam. After his Wednesday morning class, Abdallah relaxes on a bench and briefly explains how Tadasana (mountain pose) is like Akbir or al-Qayyim (opening prayer pose). Ardha Uttanasana (halfway elevator) is similar to Ruku (sinking in prayer). Balasana (the pose of the child) is similar to Sujuda (prostrate).

There is a spiritual charge in Abdallah's practice, recognizing that health is directly related to harmony between the mind and the body. "It's on the carpet that I realized that there are so many women who are afraid to come out of the marriage out of fear, by shame, or that they have not gotten away." no choice. "

On and off the carpet, Abdallah proudly lives as a defender of women. Every day, Abdallah has her head in a yoga book or reads a new discovery of super foods, and she is known to her broad circle of friends, colleagues and neighbors as a great listener with sound advice. One could call her a "divorce lawyer," she says with a laugh. "But it's not that I blame my community, we have a beautiful culture, but we can also adjust our lives and make it clear that women should not be victims, and we should not live in shame. "

Amanda Leigh Lichtenstein reported from Zanzibar.