Thank you for all these donations, but we do not really want them – Twin Cities

CHER ABBY: I attend religious services with a group of great people. For whatever reason, our family was chosen to receive not only the gifts, but also the new clothes. We receive several big bags of clothing each season.

I hate to look ungrateful, but I have neither the time nor the space to keep a big rotation of clothes for my children. Their room is messy and it's mostly clothes that I did not even buy. Is there a good way to stop accepting these gifts? – THE CHOSEN FAMILY

DEAR CHOICE: Of course! Thank the pastor of your church for the generosity shown towards your family. Then explain that you can not use all the clothes you receive and suggest that these items are now reserved for a family in need who could use them.

CHER ABBY: A year ago, my sister "Jan" started dating this guy, "Miles", who quickly moved in with her. All of our family members were welcoming until she started telling us their problems. We thought things had improved between them, but recently, Jan tried to commit suicide because she could no longer handle the stress.

I confess that I was away from her before the tragedy. I did not forgive her, but I realize she is old enough to make her own decisions and will continue to do what she wants with who she wants.

I now tolerate Miles because I do not want to push her away. I almost lost her once in a terrible way and I refuse to lose her otherwise. I have worked to have a better relationship with my sister. My husband, on the other hand, refuses to let things go with Miles, and because of that, our family is in danger.

I almost beg to be cordial so that Jan and I can have those we love around us in the same room. My husband refuses. He blames Miles for his suicide attempt, even though she repeatedly told us that it was not about him.

I'm stuck and I do not know where to go from now. I just want to be able to reunite our families without problems. What do you suggest to me? – COINCED IN THE MIDDLE

CHER STUCK: Tell your husband that your sister is emotionally fragile and that she needs all the support possible. Emphasize that isolation can be a contributing factor to depression and suicide. If he thinks that he supports blaming Miles for what happened, he is mistaken.

Your husband and Miles do not have to be "friends". Your husband is surely mature enough to tolerate the presence of Miles for a short time at gatherings, if only out of love for your sister. However, if he does not, he may listen to a suicide counselor who can explain the importance of family support.