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Netflix bought the French action comedy because, well, why not? But the movie proves that having a sense of humor about yourself and being funny can be two very different things.
The allure of seeing Van Damme in action was the obvious coming for this slim vehicle, whose tone approximates a live cartoon. Idiots are fine, but idiots usually aren’t.
Van Damme plays Richard Brumère, a legendary secret service agent nicknamed “The Mist”, who died 25 years earlier. Before that, he fathered a son, Archibald (Samir Decazza), who grew up in ignorance of his lineage, aside from the immunity arrangement his father negotiated with the government before he passed away.
When immunity is abruptly lifted, Archibald is immediately put in danger, pulling Mist from the shadows and into his life. But the child proves that the apple can fall very far from the tree, responding to threats with fear and flight, not with a fight.
Directed and co-written by David Charhon, “The Last Mercenary” features decidedly low gags and a strange mishmash of characters. The criminal who stole Archibald’s identity and immunity, for example, is obsessed with the movie “Scarface,” constantly citing and acting like Tony Montana’s character from Al Pacino.
Meanwhile, everyone except Archibald – including his friends Delilah (Assa Sylla) and his brother (Djimo), who are drawn into the spy plot – learn that the spy is in fact his long lost father, although the father-son bond is tiring and strained.
The supporting cast includes French veterans Miou-Miou and Valérie Kaprisky, but nothing here really works, and some of the jokes – such as references to Brumère’s past sexual prowess – drop to cringe-worthy levels.
Netflix increasingly relies on international productions to store its shelves of original programming, and Van Damme’s box office in the 1990s made it a marketable addition to those efforts.
After about 15 minutes of “The Last Mercenary,” even if you can’t split like Van Damme, the temptation is to go our separate ways – and paraphrase “Scarface,” say goodbye to him and his boyfriends.
“The Last Mercenary” premieres July 30 on Netflix.
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