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I guess I’m meant to be shocked.
“Oh wow, Indiana, who hadn’t beaten Michigan since the ’80s, has now done that specific thing! How did this motley group of Hoosier misfits manage to secure victory over the mighty Wolverines? your secrets, little outsiders! ”
Here’s how: The Indiana Hoosiers are way better than the Michigan Wolverines. They’re better trained, more rounded offensively, have a more talented quarterback and don’t fear much like Michigan. I didn’t watch the game live because I had better things to do, but when I got there on Sunday I was struck by how the Hoosiers’ 38-21 win looked like Ohio State defeating Rutgers at home.
Of course, the other team scored a few points, but the talent gap was so obvious that the result was never in question. The home side soared in the first half and then took the win in the second because they knew they could.
THREAT LEVEL
Things aren’t going to get any better for Michigan, and the writing is now on the wall for Jim Harbaugh. Its weak platitudes of “pushing[ing] forward, continue “makes sense if you walk knee-deep in a tub of delicious banana pudding, but if, say, you just average 0.7m of run over 18 runs, I don’t know if this is the kind of Knute Rockne shit that will.
My son just said I’m gonna stop watching Michigan football #Go blue
– Charles Woodson (@CharlesWoodson) November 7, 2020
You have a smart child, Charles! There’s no reason to watch any of this other than morbid fascination, like some sort of “Faces of Death” VHS tape you ordered with mum’s credit card in 1992. And like that tape, picking up the dust in the basement and not making an impression on anyone since the 90s, Michigan football is quickly becoming an outdated relic.
The Indiana game itself was a bit of rubbish. Joe Milton threw a ton of yards, 149 of 344 going to Ronnie Bell, but the defining moment of the game was a hilarious reversal on a failed third quarter cover that would have resulted in an easy six runs and potentially a change in the tenor of the game. Instead, it meant nothing and the Wolverines would spend the rest of the time at Huckin ‘It in a futile attempt to get it right.
The Michigan defense had no sacks (for the second consecutive week) and no response for an opposing quarterback. Michael Penix, Jr. of Indiana is a very good passer, but the Wolverines were defensively a wet fart in a paper bag and probably didn’t care the caller of the opposing signal.
It’s hard to find new ways to say “BAD MICHIGAN” every week in part because when they’re bad under Harbaugh, they’re bad in exactly the same way. Listless, boring, with no direction and no real identity, they walk around the field and get their ass kicked lethargically every phase of the game. It continued on Saturday against the Hoosiers, and the only surprising thing about it was my realization that this Michigan team could very well lose every one of their games for the remainder of the season.
This is something I honestly support, as it would be a lot funnier and more interesting than limping to a 4-4 or 3-5 record.
The threat level is LOW.
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