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Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often meet another couple at our favorite waterhole. They are very friendly and seem to like us a lot, but they are still absolutely plowed whenever we see them.
The husband clings to something and repeats it over and over again. The last time we passed them he kept telling me to stop crossing my arms because it was a defensive stance. He even shouted it from across the room.
I am 62 years old and will fold my arms at all times. But more seriously, he made some very specific and pointed remarks about my boyfriend’s body. Yes my guy is extremely handsome, but it was completely inappropriate and scary.
I’m so thankful my boyfriend didn’t hear it, but I did.
How can I stop it if it happens again?
Stand back, mate
Dear buddy: Note to you: People wearing beer glasses generally lack depth perception.
Just because this blowsy couple clings to you and seem to love you a lot doesn’t mean you don’t make you love them back.
The best way to respond to a drunk person in a bar is to politely ignore them. I’m not suggesting trying to reason with him or engage in some sort of pun: that will only add fire to his alcohol-fueled feedback loop; it could also make him angry.
Next time these two very nice people hug you while you plow and you don’t like it, you might say, “We’re going to sit here and have a private chat now. Watch out for you two when you get home, okay?
Dear Amy: My husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.
The first weeks of his physiotherapy are done with us. The first session took place today.
Everything went well and when it was time for her to leave the therapist asked if my husband wanted to pray with her. She said it was entirely up to him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was stunned. Is this something new?
I have been seen by many health professionals and no one never asked me to pray with them.
We live in the Bible Belt, so I thought it might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray by myself
Dear I pray: My research on this topic has led me to read a number of studies on the practice of prayer between healthcare workers and patients. While most appear to reflect attitudes towards patients asking healthcare workers to pray with them, one study reflected a situation similar to that of your husband.
Quoting a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray for their health. However, when in hospital, do patients want a prayer offer from a healthcare professional? This project made it possible to measure the responses of hospitalized patients to massage therapists’ offers of a familiar prayer after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients filled in questionnaires which provided quantitative data. … In this sample, 88% accepted the prayer offer, 85% found it useful and 51% wanted to pray daily. Patients may welcome prayer, provided the clinician demonstrates “genuine kindness and respect”. “
While this may be unusual, I don’t think it’s necessarily unethical for a health care provider to offer to pray with a patient, even in their home. This could help to establish a bond between the therapist and the patient. Prayer can help relax the patient and “focus” their intentions on their own health and recovery.
The offer can also look like coercion.
What did your husband think of this practice? He should be prepared to answer before his next date.
A reminder that this is his treatment and that he decides how to handle it no matter what you think of it.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” wrote describing a Zoom based baby shower featuring over 100 people!
For me, what made in-person showers tolerable was the food, treats, drinks, and jokes with the people at your table.
Without it, it’s just something to go through.
No one should organize a virtual event with more than 30 people. It is odious and impersonal. Divide it into small events!
Zoom out
Dear zoom out: I continue to be stunned by the sheer number of people some people know!
Yes, small events are much better, whether virtual or real.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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