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When you see someone in a terrible relationship, it's so hard to see why they would stay in something that made them unhappy. But then, when it happens to you, it may be impossible to understand How you can leave a bad relationship, no matter how unhappy you are. And staying in a bad relationship is something that too many of us have experienced – but why?
There will never be a universal answer – every person is different, as is every unhappy relationship. But perhaps we could get a clue to science. In fact, a recent study from the University of Utah found that people were perhaps too worried about our partner's feelings to leave them.
"[P]People always cared about the feelings of their partners even when they had very little reason to do so, from an interested point of view, "says Samantha Joel, lead author of the study, in Bustle.
This can be confusing, but people can stay in a relationship even when they are not good for themselves – even when they have people who matter to them story them that it is not good for them. Here's what science has to say about why people so often have unhealthy relationships.
1They worry that it's bad for their partner
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
As revealed in the University of Utah study, it is possible that people worry about how their partner will cope without them if they separate themselves. But why are they worried about it? If they are unhappy, would not they leave rather than focus on that person who treats them badly? The answer may be that there is something innate in us that makes us stay, according to the University of Utah study.
"I think it comes down to basic prosociality," says Joel. "Humans care about others, and we do not like to see others suffer, obviously it's very adaptive in many contexts, including healthy dating relationships. Concerns of our partners Prosocial motivation seems to have this important disadvantage, it is difficult to dispel these feelings. "
So because people care about others at an intrinsic level, they have a hard time placing them in a vulnerable position, even if they themselves have difficulties.
2People are used to accept the abuse
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Some people might just be too used to being treated badly and not feeling comfortable asking for (or demanding) the treatment they deserve. According to a 2015 survey of nearly 2,000 Britons, about 60% of people remained in a relationship in which they were not happy – even when they were really badly treated, like being lied to, having been cheated or had negative feelings. rejected and ignored. The results seem to indicate that people may simply become too insensitive to abuse, so that they remain in a bad relationship without realizing the seriousness of their situation.
3People are prone to forgiveness
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
A recent study from Yale, Oxford University, University College London and the International School for Advanced Studies appeared in the journal Nature human behavior and those found may be predisposed to forgiveness. In the study, researchers found that people were more confident about their opinion of someone they thought was "good" and were more willing to change their minds about someone they thought was "bad" even though they had been shown evidence. bad behavior.
It is possible that humans are naturally inclined to forget the bad behavior until they are confronted again. "There is a lot to say about forgiveness," says Bustle, Aimee Hartstein, interpersonal therapist. "None of us [are] perfect. We all make mistakes. But we also need to be aware of the difference between giving a second chance and encouraging bad behavior and endangering our emotional or physical identity. "Forgiveness should not prevent people from living in a relationship that does not suit them.
Bad relationships can look like a black hole – and it can become very difficult to find a way out. But understanding why people sometimes stay at home is a good first step to recognize that we are not acting in our own best interests. You are allowed to protect yourself – and to get yourself out of a relationship that does not work for you.
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