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Stephen Elliott.
Photo: Markus Schreiber / AP / REX / Shutterstock
More than 70 names appeared on the Shitty Media Men spreadsheet when it was taken offline in October 2017. Writer Stephen Elliott is not the only one to deny the charges against him (his name appears next to of an alleged rape on the document), but he is the only one to file lawsuits against his creator Moira Donegan and (potentially) against the unknown number of women who contributed to the document. Elliott filed his lawsuit this week, almost exactly one year after the spreadsheet was created by Donegan. He claims $ 1.5 million in damages.
Elliot's anger is not a surprise to anyone who read his essay in Quillette earlier this year. Although he was very … talking about his feelings, we wanted to know more about the other men, who had remained silent until now. What do they think of the costume? Have they ever been tempted to take action against Donegan? What do they think is the right way for a man who thinks he is falsely accused of whitewashing his name? We found that most of them thought this costume was a terrible idea. But they are not really surprised that this is happening either.
Here, five men who spoke under the guise of anonymity respond to the trial in their own words.
"I tried to erase my name individually, I would never participate in a lawsuit."
If the problem was that his reputation was affected, it will only make the situation worse. And that would be true for me if I were to join him. If I had to be part of the public face of this thing. Like, why would I do that? Money? I tried to erase my name individually, but I would never have taken part in a lawsuit. It would not help.
It's like Kavanaugh. Even if you believe that he has not done so, you know that the way his case has been treated will have a chilling effect on all cases where this has occurred. Likewise here, anything that involves silencing women seems much more harmful than beneficial.
I did not do what I am accused of the list. But obviously, I've hurt someone so badly that he wants to ruin my life. To date, I do not know what it was. I just think the list is there. I need to move on to something else. It takes one for the team.
"I hate what Elliott does"
I sometimes did mental exercise in my head or in a conversation: as if someone would sue? And what happens next? But I always rejected it and now I realized that I was approaching this question with total naivety: I assumed that some people would ignore their place on the list, claim that it did not happen, or simply try to leave it. behind them; that some people would do or do the work of recovery and fine; and the real morons would disappear in the hills. But it was fucking idiotic. And now, I'm obviously not shocked that this comes after the fatal receipt of his garbage article.
I feel that it's impossible to talk about this publicly without creating a mess for myself or for the people of my life, but it's sadistic, reprehensible, cruel and I'm sitting here fucking fuckin ' in the air, and I really wish I could do something to help Moira. Or at least have another type of conversation about this shit. Look: The specific allegations about me on the list are not true. But I understand how I ended up on this and I have trouble doing it. But I hate what Elliott does. And the idea that Moira or one of the contributors may be more exposed, hurt or damaged makes me sick. And that's what makes me crazy for not being able to talk about it publicly: I feel that if we all remain silent, it's as if he's speaking for us.
"I'm surprised it took so long"
I have assumed that someone on this list would do something. It seemed inevitable. I guess I'm surprised it took so long. I knew some of the men on the list – some of them had reason to be, others not. After seeing the trial, I talked to one person about it. We were great. It's still in the news.
To whom I spoke, no one suggested me to do anything. Most people have accepted that this is something that exists and will be used against us from time to time. I understood why the list had been created. Why people felt that it was necessary. I do not know why I'm there, exactly. But I will not say that I have never crossed a line. I will not complain.
Why do I think he does that? Elliott exposed his motivations in the very bad Quilette scenario. It sounds like a lawsuit for men's rights. I had never really read it before, so maybe he was still on the verge of joining the MRA audience. But now he has really kissed them. I do not think he has a case. And I do not think it's a case that should be emphasized even if it had one.
"The list just makes me sad."
A group of people I've known online for a long time got wind of the list and was quite upset. After explaining to the best of my abilities and taking my moguls, a couple were furious with Moira Donegan and I had to do it. talk to them. It was a good idea (share information to protect people). I do not see the point of punishing someone for "bad opsec" or shit escaping his control.
The pursuit seems so unlikely that the motive is winning, that the motive seems almost irrational, as if it were not a question of cleaning one's name, but of making it dangerous for others. Even though it was completely exempt, you can not put toothpaste back into the tube. Social media is already so vindictive and so bad that the charges will continue. So you wonder if the goal is to cause pain to Moira or scare those who contributed to the list.
The list just makes me sad. I think working with words, that is, you end up believing that understanding is at your fingertips if you have a chance to tell your version of the story to the best of your ability, even if that means that you are a big negro and saying "sorry" a million times.
"Anger is understandable"
I do not feel any animosity towards Moira and the entry next to my name is simply wrong. I sort of understand where his feelings come from. I mean that anger is understandable. If you are accused of rape, you do not want the world to think you are being raped. But that's just not how I would have acted. The lawsuits always seemed so ridiculous because I just wanted everything to disappear. Moreover, his case is so ridiculous. He will really find out who all the women were? Moira will really pay him $ 1.5 million?
This is not the way to make amends with anyone for the moment. He is becoming the center of the story, as he did with his great essay. If I learned anything from this year, it's because no one needs to make me listen to it. I can just listen.
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