9 Hot Tiger-Phil you'll hear at Thanksgiving (and how to handle them)

The Tiger-Phil match will dominate the Turkey Day speech across the country.

Forget about immigration reform, Facebook's privacy policy and your nephew's guide. Fortnite addiction – the most popular topic at the Thanksgiving tables this week will be The Match, the November 23 showdown between Tiger and Phil in Sin City for nine minutes Meeeeellion dollars. If we are expecting this event, it is certain that Tiger-Phil Turkey Day will be more exciting than Aunt Bertha's green cabbage. But do not worry, we are here for you. Here's how to keep your friends and family online when they leave for The Match. (Note: The catches are sorted in ascending order of pitch.)

1. "The match? What is it? "

Despite the hype surrounding the event and the endless debates about the viability of the golf world, be prepared for the possibility that some family members may be aware that Tiger and Phil are playing this week. Do not blame them. Explain calmly the principle of The Match, the basics of the format and why you will lock yourself in your cave Friday afternoon in a tiger suit in full lycra.

2. "Twenty dollars to watch golf ?!"

So your grandfather is stunned that "the privilege" of watching Tiger v. Phil will cost him $ 19.99? Remind him gently that he paid three times for season 3 of Matlock on VHS in 1989 and then try to convince him that this is not a terrible case. Hell, Wrestlemania costs $ 60 and that's way less real than this competition. In addition, some nice things are coming up: players and caddies will be at the top; drone cams will hover over the course; and a feed of data from the MGM sports book will enrich the show with "predictive data integrations", ie objects that players can bet on. And, oh yes, Charles Barkley will be in the booth!

3. "Sir Charles calls a golf event? Seriously? T & # 39; have seen his swing? "

Yes, Barkley stinks at golf. Everyone knows that. But this is hardly relevant. The man has more stories about Tiger than Siegfried & Roy. He hopes to share some of the sauciers of the cabin. Producers have a lot of antenna time to fill.

4. "Have you heard that they do not allow fans on the spot? How sad."

You know what would be even sadder? Fans! It's not WMPO, it's … well, we do not know what it is. We are still in the petri dish phase. But a few thousand curious spectators crowding around the holes would have given The Match the atmosphere of a low power amateur event. It is better not to have fans and make fireworks for the viewers at home, at least for the first iteration.

5. "The host site, Shadow Creek, is artificial and artificial."

Exactly! Is there a more appropriate place?

6. "Tiger and Phil are washed. The match would have been much more interesting in 2006. "

Oh you like it. As Tiger, dominating the world and focused on the laser, would have done in 2006? And even if he did, he would have as much personality as an iron. It's a unique moment in time: the two players finish their career but still have enough play to bring Shadow Creek to their knees, and Tiger finally had the idea of ​​slightly lowering his guard. Let's just enjoy what it is: two old rivals trying something new – and a highly preferable alternative to the Guy Fieri marathon rather than the Food Network.

7. "The whole thing is a shameless money grab. They should have been playing for their own money. "

Why, when successful people take advantage of the personal brands they built all their lives, their critics define these moments as "shameless"? Is Capital One not ashamed to sponsor the event? Is Ernie Johnson unscrupulous for calling him? And guys will play for at least a portion of their own dough. The organizers of The Match have given players the opportunity to place bets on the fly, the proceeds being donated to the charities designated by the winner. The first bet, for a cool 200K, is already on the board.

8. "The match is probably rigged."

There is always a conspiracy theorist at the table. At home, it's Uncle Lester, who is certain that The Match has been repaired by Vegas sharks and / or Russian oligarchs. Admittedly, this event was more staged than Frozen at Broadway But when Tiger and Phil – who have been wired to marry each other since their junior golf career at SoCal – clung to the ground on Friday, rest assured that no amount of money could convince them to cook. . They will play to win.

9. "stupid idea."

Well, do not look. Now, pass the damn sauce.