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Over the past six months, Ariana Grande fans have been obsessively following the pop star's flash romance with comedian Pete Davidson. In May 2018, it became public that they went out together. In June, they were engaged. Then, as soon as their love story has begun, it has ended. Last month, they canceled their engagement.
This dramatic backdrop amplified the fanfare when Grande released her latest single, "Thank you, next," on November 3rd, just minutes before Davidson left on Saturday Night's Weekend Update to "wish her" sincerely all the happiness of the world ". instantly, "thank you, next door" has scaled the charts, break the world record Spotify For the biggest day of a female artist, with more than 9.6 million feeds to November 9. At the time of writing these lines, "Thank u, next" is the fastest song to reach 100 million pieces of Spotify streaming history.
Of course, "Thank U, next" enjoys the fire lit by Grande's latest album, Sweetener, Who debuted at the top Display panel 200 in August. The album celebrates dominant and confident female sexuality with titles such as "No Tears Left to Cry" and "God Is a Woman", in which Grande boasts of her own sexual prowess, sings about cunnilingus and boasts his professional success. outraged Lemonade, Beyonce's iconic feminist anthem in 2016, I have never seen friends become as crazy about an album as they have for years. Sweetener.
But if my friends have gone crazy for Sweetenerthey lost the reason to say "thank you, then". The song is broadcast continuously, at parties, meeting places and daily commutes. Despite my best efforts, I succumbed to the auricular worm, impulsively repeating the track as I ran, worked, and relaxed.
In his first chorus, "Thank u, next" names many of Grande's ex-boyfriends: "Sean" (Big Sean), "Ricky" (Ricky Alvarez), "Pete" (Pete Davidson) and "Malcolm" (Mac Miller). rapper and producer who died of an overdose in September). Instead of casting a shadow, she expresses gratitude to each man, noting the gifts and strengths he has provided, despite the end of their relationship.
"We've learned the love / We've learned patience / And we've learned the pain / Now I'm so amazing / I've loved and j & # 39; I've lost / But that's not what I see / So, look what I've got / Look what you've taught me, she sings. Then comes the chorus of the song: "I'm so fucking grateful for my ex."
To our knowledge, neither Grande nor Davidson were mistaken and did not publicly shame. Instead, they went to great lengths to praise and support each other. This kindness should not seem so dissonant with our expectations of disruption (especially public disruption), but it says a lot about the unhealthy sexual and romantic dynamics in America.
As a person who recently ended a long-term relationship with a man I really love and respect, the message of Great surprised me and revealed the insecurities I had from bad to articulate. Women speak so seldom openly to break the hearts of men or to experience joy and relief after ending a romantic relationship. The breaks are described as being universally bad – and the simplistic assumption is that there must be someone to blame. This is despite the growing psychological and neurological research that suggests that fractures have a profound impact but are also complicated. And all their effects are not bad.
The song ends with Grande saying that she started a new, extremely rewarding relationship – with herself. It's an attractive idea and, of course, not entirely new. But the true magic of this title lies in Grande's rejection of the binary between romantic codependency and loneliness – she is grateful for both. She dismantles the worn-out trope of women celebrating self-sufficiency only after suffering mistreatment from the men they loved too much.
This does not mean that these songs are not great. The movie "Survivor" by Destiny Child 2001, for example, is a feminist success that gives power: "Now that you're out of my life, I'm so much better," the women sing. "You thought I'd be weak without you, but I'm stronger / You thought I'd be broke without you, but I'm richer / You thought I'd be sad without you, I'd love it harder / You thought that I would not grow up without you, now I am wiser.
And of course, not all relationships deserve an affectionate commemoration. Sometimes you have to shit-talk to your ex, send SMS that you will regret, and give yourself some basic impulses until you feel human again. And sometimes your former partner simply does not deserve your respect.
That's when we appreciate the most resurgent melodies of rupture, like the timeless film "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette, released in 1995: "Does she know / how did you tell me / until your death, Morissette sings "And I am here / to remind you of the mess you left when you left."
These songs resonate because they speak of the bitter ruptures and rage that many of us have suffered. They helped us scream in the void, consume too much wine with friendly friends and hunt down new friends on Facebook. They did their job.
But with "thank you, then", Grande does not go. Instead, it broadens the emotional possibilities for women experiencing grief, revealing the multiplicity of our sexual and love experiences.
Women are socialized to equate romance and love with happiness and fulfillment. That's a message amplified by even more songs – from Percy Sledge's legendary 1966 hit, "When a man loves a woman," which suggests that we should give our partners all we have, to "Love Story "by Taylor Swift, 2008, which suggests that a woman will not be really happy until her Romeo has recovered and will not propose anything.
To be grateful to be single, is to challenge everything that is expected of us. But as I listen to Grande's new single, I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where former sexual and sexual partners celebrate what they had, rather than defeating what they lost. It sounds really great.
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