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Denise McClaskey works at the Chapel of the Pine Morgue in Paradise, California. Like the rest of the city, it was evacuated in the middle of the campfire, which became the deadliest and most destructive forest fire in California's history. She spoke at the US TODAY Network in Paradise earlier this week, while she was checking the cemetery when she was working at the morgue, while evacuations were still in place.
It's a bit difficult to know what to do.
I know I want to go home.
My mother-in-law's house is still up and ours is gone. But I want to be here. It was my home before, and I want it to be new.
I hope people want to come back. I know what I do. I want to be here. I just think it can be totally beautiful again.
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But I do not know what others want. Or what will happen. It seems like a lot of police departments and people have said that about 90% of people do not want to come back. I do not understand that.
It may be because I was not stuck in the fire. Maybe some of them were. And so I do not know if it's for that.
I cried so many tears. I lost my mother a year ago, so I had all her equipment. I have lost just about everything I had from my mother.
I just have to keep believing that it's just stuff.
A line indicates how a nearby fire fell on Paradise's graveyard located in Paradise, California. The fire stopped before entering the sacred land.
Kelly Jordan, USA TODAY & # 39; HUI NETWORK
It's unreal the number of people we miss. We all know that if they had been present, they would have called someone. I can not even imagine how many people we actually lost.
I'm just trying to believe what my mom has taught me: I'm strong enough to bear it.
It will be OK, one way or another, life will be. I just have to believe that if I have my kids and my boyfriend, everything will be fine.
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We have a place to stay for a moment – the house of a friend – so we should feel blessed.
I went by car and I found that there was not much left, but I still see that there are still a lot of new, bright buildings.
There are cafes, grocery stores – both dollar generals. There are tons of things that are still there.
My boyfriend and their family probably buried half of the people in the cemetery. They buried hundreds of people, the majority of heaven. But now, after everyone leaves, we will not have business anymore. How are we going to survive as a business? But if we do not do it, how will the entire city survive?
I ran to Chico that morning and came back 100 miles to the hour. Drive around the cars on the right side to get back because I was going back to my boyfriend, whatever happened.
I knew that day that it was probably going to be thousands of people. I just didn't want to believe it.
There's so many little places here, there and everywhere, you wouldn't even think there was a house. You drive down one road and there's one or two houses and then 20 miles down there's another house in the backwoods.
It's sad to think of what's going to happen, and it was all just so fast. Comme ça.
People told me that our yard, our neighborhood, looked like the moon. It doesn't look anything like that.
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There's nine houses in our neighborhood still. My next door neighbor, she posted that she thought her house was gone. It's not gone. It's right there.
Just have to believe that there is a God and everything is for a reason. My grandmother who's 94 tells me on a regular basis, "Honey, don't forget you're not in charge. You're not in charge and everything's how it's supposed to be."
I mean, if you read the Bible, you'll see this has all happened before and it's going to happen again. And we need to prepare for it. We need to be prepared.
Now it's like, we have said to each other, we all need to be treating each other this way all the time. People need to be good to each other every day, not just because we had a major freaking tragedy.
Camp Fire survivor Denise McClaskey describes her experience coming back to Paradise after the fire swept through.
Dianna M. Náñez, The Republic | azcentral.com
It's unreal the people that have helped us in Chico, restaurants we've gone in and eaten and they could tell I'm in tears. They'll buy our meal. And then the next day, go in again and try to pay them and they're like, "Nope, as long as you're here you're not going to pay us."
Everybody's been really, really kind.
I just feel like we could bring our community back if people choose to. People have to make a decision.
It's also hard for people, like older people. How are they going to rebuild? There's two couples that are in our hotel. One of them, they're in their 90s and their daughter and son-in-law are there also. They lost both their houses, but they're just like me, just want to go home.
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Yesterday we were in a store. And I saw Christmas stuff. The boxes of my Christmas stuff I had, that was everything I ever had of Christmas from my mom.
I don't feel much like Christmas.
But that's not what Christ would want, so I just have to try to pull it together and do what I need to do and realize I'm strong enough to deal with it, no matter what.
Several survivors of the Camp Fire are struggling with their feelings following the visit by President Trump. His controversial tweet late last week has left a bad feeling for many of the residents of the town of Paradise.
Kelly Jordan, USA TODAY NETWORK
We pulled out in flames, flames just everywhere. And I was screaming because we had neighbors that were right there that I could tell were still in their house.
There were cars in all four lanes coming down. People were slamming into each other in cars. It was out of fear. People were scared. You can't imagine. There's a lot of people who won't be able to deal with it.
The day after it happened, I set off the car alarm in the car. I thought I was going to have a darn heart attack.
It scared the holy heck out of me and I was like: It's the horn in the car, Denise.
But then the next day, I was standing in front of my hotel room in Chico and this (burnt) leaf fell out of the sky.
It touched me on the nose. I just picked it up and I thought, wow, that could really be from one of my trees at my house.
I just felt it was my mom, or a sign, or something. I just kept it.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it. But how did it get that far away, and why did it come to me?
So I just have kept it in the car because I don't know what else to do with it.
And I don't want to lose it.
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