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One, two, Gritty is coming for you …
The Philadelphia Flyers have unveiled their new red-eyed, red-fur nightmare fuel, mascot Gritty, who makes sure anyone who encounters it never gets a full night's sleep again.
Resembling an impious union between a Fraggle and an Orangutan, Gritty's giant red beard is already in playoff form.
Gritty was featured in a pre-season game against the Bruins Monday night, likely to give young children enough time to get out of hiding and see therapists before the start of the regular season.
He actually made his first appearance in front of some 600 Philadelphia students at the Please Touch Museum in Fairmount Park earlier in the day, according to a press release from the team.
Gritty is the team's first mascot since the one called Slapshot, which appeared only briefly in 1976, according to the Flyers. It may take another 42 years before fans can recover from it.
The team also noted in its release that Gritty "has acquired strong skating and hockey skills".
If you think Gritty is terrifying, wait until he has a t-shirt gun in his hand.
The bottom line is that Gritty is here and he's ready to give King Cake Baby of New Orleans Pelicans a run for the most terrifying mascot of professional sports.
He will not stop until everyone knows his haunting presence.
Nine, ten, never sleep again …
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