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I was in love with a lot of people and I was going to have a lot of fun. this year. And I, a punctilious dickweed, skateboarding, skateboarding, skateboarding, skateboarding, hatchback, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat Halloween costume does not make you a big Halloween person. It makes you a cosplayer.
I have nothing against cosplayers. They rule! Cosplay roundups make for some of the most interesting SFW horny blogs on the respectable internet, and cosplayers strike me as interesting and creative and crafty folks. Cosplaying is so cool, in fact, that it should get its own holiday. Cosplay Day. They should have Cosplay Day in May, when the weather is usually warm enough, and when it can be almost as far away as Halloween. Then Halloween can be a spooky autumn holiday where people wear spooky costumes, and Cosplay Day can be a happy and horny day, when they dress up like superheroes and princesses and drearily sexed-up hockey mascots.
This is not my way of complaining about kids who dress up like princesses or superheroes on Halloween. I understand the impulse! As it stands, Halloween is the day of the year where you are not just invited to be expected to wear a costume, and so many people of all ages golden funny or awkwardly be-cleavaged. That's fine. But Halloween, at its purest, is a time of scary stories and haunted houses and horror movies and spooky jack o 'lanterns, and it would be cooler than it already is it already already fuckin' boss, as cultural events go-if spooky gold dresses gold and gold creepy gold scary costumes at Halloween parties and while trick-or-treating.
Cosplay Day is an elegant solution. We can have it on May 31st Spiderman! The Black Panther! Harry Potter! Howard the Alien! Still not Simple Jack! And, hell, the kids can still go door and get candy. We'll have cosplay parties and cosplay parades and, well, more cosplay conventions. It will be a glorious fantasy day where Austin Powers, but your Austin Powers will be walking around in a wonderland of fairies and famous athletes and Marvel superheroes. Amazing! And, having gotten that out of your system, you will be released from the pressure of the Halloween-the spooky holiday-as your one chance to shout oh behave in a crappy English accent at people wearing sexy weird Sexy Chinese Takeout. Come October 31, you'll be on the lookout for a new look, and be spooky for a damn night.
Tonight a full half of the trick-or-treaters who showed up for candy at my doorstep were dressed as non-spooky movie or comic book or video game characters. They were all children, and they were all having a good time, and it was fine. And yet it was a letdown. Halloween is best when it is spooky. Give the children another day, is what I'm saying.
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