Breast cancer has changed my whole body forever and I agree with that



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caitlin-kiernan.jpg "class =" cke-resize "src =" http://www.shape.com/sites/shape.com/files/u398/caitlin-kiernan.jpg "/><br /><em>Photo: Caitlin Kiernan</em></p>
<p>I've always known that after a mastectomy, my breasts would be collateral damage. What I did not understand was that all subsequent cancer treatments and medications would change the rest of my body – waist, hips, thighs and arms – forever. The cancer was difficult, but I knew I would wait for it, no matter what. What was more difficult for me – and something for which I was absolutely unprepared – was to watch my "old self" physically transform into a body I no longer recognized.</p>
<p>Before receiving my diagnosis, I was 2-size. If I took too much wine and pizza, I could stick to the salad for a few days and immediately lose the extra weight. After cancer, the story was totally different. To reduce the risk of recurrence, tamoxifen, an estrogen-blocking drug, was prescribed. Although it is a literal lifeline, it also has some pretty brutal side effects. The most important thing is that it put me in "chemopause" – chemically induced menopause. And with that came hot flashes and weight gain. (Related: These influencers want you to embrace everything that you are told to be averse to your body)</p>
<p>Unlike before, when I could lose weight quickly and easily, weight at menopause was a bigger challenge. The estrogen depletion caused by tamoxifen forces the body to store and store fat. This "sticky weight", as I like to call it, requires LOTS of extra work, and it's hard to stay in shape. Two years later, I had accumulated 30 pounds without moving.</p>
<p>I hear survivors say how stressed and depressed they are by their bodies after cancer. I can tell. Whenever I opened my closet and saw all the cute size 2 clothes hanging over there, I became seriously distraught. It was like watching a ghost of my old slim and elegant self. At one point, I was fed up with feeling sad and decided that it was time to stop pissing myself off and recover my body. (Related: women are turning to exercise to help them recover their bodies after cancer)</p>
<p>The biggest obstacle? I hated working and eating healthy. But I knew that if I really wanted to make a change, I had to accept the torture of all that. <em>"Get up or shut up"</em> as they say.<em> </em>My sister, Moira, helped me launch my lifestyle transformation. One of his favorite workouts was spinning, which I had done years ago and hated. Moira encouraged me to try again. She explained why she loved SoulCycle: her percussive music, candlelit rooms and the wave of positive vibes that you feel with each "walk". It looked like a cult I absolutely did not want, but she convinced me to try it. One morning in the fall, at 7 o'clock in the morning, I found myself wearing cycling shoes and tied to a bike. Cycling on this bike for 45 minutes was more difficult than any training I had done before, but it was also surprisingly fun and inspiring. I left excited and proud of myself. This class led to another, then to another.</p>
<p>These days, I work three times a week, mixing Physics 57, AKT and SoulCycle. I also work with a coach once a week to incorporate weight bearing exercises into the rotation. Sometimes I attend a yoga class or try something new. Mixing my workouts was the key. Yes, it helps to prevent boredom, but it has a particularly important additional benefit for postmenopausal women: it prevents muscles and metabolism from stabilizing. When you change it, the body does not have the ability to adapt, but remains in a reactive state, allowing the body to burn calories and develop muscles more effectively.</p>
<p>Changing my diet has also been difficult. You heard the phrase "80% of weight loss is a diet." For menopausal women, this gives 95%. I learned that when the body starts to store fat, calories are not comparable to calories. In reality, being aware of what you consume and how much you consume is directly related to the ease – or difficulty – with which you achieve your goals. For me, preparing high protein and carbohydrate meals for the week of Sunday has become a new way of life, while maintaining healthy snacks like almonds and protein bars in my office to satisfy my cravings for food. ;afternoon. (Related: Portable high protein snacks that you can prepare in a muffin tin)</p>
<p>But by pushing my body to be as physically healthy as possible through diet and exercise, something unexpected happened: I was able to recycle my mind for the sake of health. He is in better health. In the past, when I worked, I would sulk and moan all the time. It's no wonder I hated doing exercise! I made the experience miserable and exhausting. But then, I started to change attitude, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts as soon as they appeared. At first, it was very difficult to change this pattern of thought, but the more I concentrated on the silvery lining of situations, the more I began to think positively, without forcing it. I did not have to watch myself anymore. My brain and my body had become aligned, working in tandem. </p>
<p>My personal health and fitness journey led me to partner with two other cancer survivors and an oncology nurse to launch The Cancer Wellness Expo. Day dedicated to yoga, meditation and panels of oncologist doctors, breast surgeons, sexual health specialists and beauty professionals, to help battered or treatment women find their way back in all its aspects. (Related: How did fitness help this woman overcome becoming blind and deaf)</p>
<p>Am I back to a size 2? No, I'm not – and I'll never be. And I'm not going to lie, it's one of the most difficult things to deal with in terms of "survival". I often find it hard to find clothes that fit my body, feel confident or sexy in swimsuits or in intimate situations, or just feel comfortable in my skin. But finding my fitness pace has allowed me to see how resilient I am. My body endured a terminal illness. But by finding the shape, I went back stronger. (And yes, I find it ironic that being healthy is in the form of a softer and more flexible silhouette today, thanks to the posture movement.)</p>
<p>But having witnessed what the body can endure and then accomplish, has allowed me to be thankful and accept when faced with moments of mourning. It's certainly a complicated relationship, but I would not trade it. My curves and eddies remind me that I won the battle and that I am better and more ferocious than ever – and that I have a feeling of gratitude for the second chance I had in life. </p>
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