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Did you think the pizza was coming down the mountain, completely formed? That the old ones tore off the surf gyros and eaten them whole? I bring news. This is not how it happened.
Here is a true story. I'm sure and certain. Once upon a time, someone wandered into a room and asked, lazily and probably in Yiddish: "Hey, whatcha havin?" And the other person said: "I have a round loaf cut in half with iced fish and pickled flower buds and raw onion and thick curd stuffed in the middle of it. Also, the tomato, if we have this conversation for any of the 72 hours or more during which the tomatoes of this region are actually in season and are worth being eaten. "And the first one has thought to himself, but refrained from saying: It's the most revolting thing I've ever heard of. Now, of course, that's how you eat a bagel. Unless the bagel also contains raisins and cinnamon. This I guess it would be a strange combination of foods.
We had this with guacamole. But what the hell, let's start again. The familiar combinations of bagels are the familiar combinations of bagels as these are the available combinations of things in the part of the world where bagels have become a thing. They have persisted in this role because they have good taste and good taste together, and also for the infinitely lesser reason that, at some point, some people will appreciate the novelty or tradition of eating a bagel. . But the work of a bagel, no matter what you put in it or what it contains, is not new or traditional. The work of a bagel must be a satisfying thing to eat.
This is nowhere more true than in the famous New York City, where everyone is never a short walk away from 10,000 other good things to eat. You can eat no matter what there, pretty much the only compelling reason to eat this and not this, among the options not disqualified by price or diet restrictions is that it will make your senses happiest. This implicitly implies that your order of bagels will be exactly the same as that you choose yourself after only considering what you want to eat, eat and allow yourself. If you like it, then it's by definition correct.
But the stupid question of whether Cynthia Nixon's controversial bagel order – lox, schmear, red onion, capers, tomato, on a cinnamon-raisin bagel – is false, which is not the case, is a different question of whether it's good. As an idea, it sounds strange and maybe brutal! Cinnamon and Lox. Grapes … and lox! Cinnamon and raisins and lox. Seems a bit raw.
The idea of breaking the shell of a living and muddy bivalve with a body like a giant wad of beige-gray cigarette smoker and suck the still living creature in your mouth and chew it up. is also. and swallow it. Thank God, no one has let Gothamist know whether raw oysters would ever enter the human diet.
The fact is that there are two kinds of people: there are good people and there are delicate eaters. The idea is to be the first or strive to be the first. Do not be fooled, your blatant disgust for the combinations of flavors appreciated by other people is sophistication or refinement. An example of high standards is to prefer not to eat business food made from livestock that have lived horrible and nightmarish lives and have died terribly even though this food is pumped with chemicals and artificial flavors. Ew, put these two fwavows together is weiwd it's not high standards. It's just being a baby. It's just to be clear.
Anyway, I tried ordering Cynthia Nixon's bagels this morning at my house. I am an extremely elderly person with a metabolism that should be measured in cosmic units; I eat a meal – dinner – almost every day and a bagel three or four times a year at most, including every time I am in New York at the time of breakfast. This particular bagel made me sleepy and feel sleepy before 11am eccentricSo that's why this blog is like that, rather than being good.
Below you'll find a glamorous photo of the ingredients, including a very dense and flattened cinnamon and raisin bagel, the only one I could find this morning in the sticks of western Maryland. This particular bakery had very good poppy seed bagels, but only a handful of rather dark-looking cinnamon grapes.
Note: the tomato's time is over, here. It's certainly the last good tomato I'll have until next August. If Cynthia Nixon still places this bagel order in December, this will be a moment to give him bullshit.
My usual bagel order is all that usual – lox, cream cheese, red onion, capers, tomato – on a poppy seed bagel, or sometimes a pumpernickel bagel or whatever either, maybe a bagel. I've never tried it before on a raisin and cinnamon bagel, but here's a fun fact: when I told my wife who is not particularly interested in new-age politics yorkaise or bagels, the outrageous bagel of Cynthia Nixon and her plan at home, she confessed that it was actually her favorite bagels order. I've checked twice to make sure that she's not Cynthia Nixon and that I can say that she's not. " Small world!
In any case, here is the resulting bagel sandwich:
Look at this big olive tree there. This will not let you forget!
Friends, it was good. More than well, even. It was delicious! Even on board this mediocre bagel, dense and flattened, cinnamon and grapes … assets? I have actively enjoyed their presence at every bite. Ideally, here is where I would say, like, cinnamon gave a spicy, earthy anythingbut this bagel was more caloric than I had eaten over the course of the dozen mornings combined and I quickly became comatose and I must conclude. I'm just going to sit with glassy eyes and a loose jaw and try not to doze for several hours, but I mean the bagel was good. It seems to me now that maybe I should have taken some tasting notes while to eat it Too bad.
The fact is that now no one can say that I have not written anything today. This blog is finished!
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