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"Bachelor in Paradise" We released the first part of its final in two parts on Monday night, and we would like to take a moment to thank ABC for making it so hard to watch!
ABC has not only decided to sell the episode rights to the ABC affiliates that only a handful of fans have as part of its cable package, but it has not even broadcast them live on their own. website.
Why? Because of football Apparently, "Monday Night Football" is always a thing! Who knew? After the recent Nike decision, we thought that angry fans decided to cancel it completely in a cry of madness.
The best part is that because ABC was not able to broadcast the game live (because the NFL is the weakest in terms of flexibility), ABC aired a strange cooking show that nobody in the world never saw. It looked like local access programming, but it was not.
In short: better, ABC, and Colin Kaepernick is the man.
Back to the show
More witches
Well, honestly, we had forgotten all about the major plot last week, that everyone was fighting against Shushanna and calling her a witch until she cried, because we do not think about this show when it is not lit. It was a hot trash because she was a human being with feelings no matter how badly she acted.
This was not nice. So, of course, the show kicked off the final!
Kamil discovered that Shushanna had burned a picture of him, but this was definitely set up by the producers so we do not really know why he worries about all this.
John finds a date card
But thank goodness, it was not for him.
It was for Jordan! Jordan model, not Kiwi Jordan. And he asked Jenna right away if she was going to leave. She said yes, of course.
Jordan and Jenna get shot on their date
Going on vacation has the potential to be dangerous no matter where you travel, but Jordan and Jenna were lucky that nothing really happened to them while a photographer "pulled" them on their date . We cheated on you! No one died or was actually shot.
Anyway, J & J went to their rendezvous where a photographer was waiting to give them an engagement photo shoot. Jordan, as a model, and Jenna, basically a model, were naturals – even though the idea of getting engaged made Jenna nervous and gigantic. She admitted that she was nervous about the filming, Jordan, and that she was probably not ready to commit.
But she said everything in a way where, even if she was worried, maybe she was doing all these things! Then they put her in a wedding dress.
The good news is: she did it! And she met Jordan while they were both beautiful in their marriage. She sat down and admitted that she was panicking a bit because it was the first time she was putting on a wedding dress (is not it luck for him to see her in this dress before the wedding, anyway?). He told her that he had never felt the same way about anyone before, and that seemed to convince her.
Then they ruined the two outfits in the water.
The show takes a last shot at Jordan
We are happy that producers know that their best asset this season was Jordan and the ridiculous things that come out of his mouth, because that means we have a lot. We just want them not to torture him for assessments, because at this point, that's exactly what they do.
They sent Robby last season to get Jenna moving, even if it's the penultimate episode of the season! In addition, Robby is a "social media influencer" who is one of those jobs that will go away pretty quickly in the future and where all the previous "social media influencers" will be left unqualified and unwanted.
Robby waltzed into the compound with a date card and shit "I can take whoever I want", and we do not know how he was a finalist in a season of "The Bachelorette". Jordan peeks at him and says, "Here is the guardian of the crypt.
We guess her reputation had preceded her, because almost all the women were released (Robby apparently deceived her love of paradise, Amanda, after the show) – except Shushanna, who at that time needed who she could get.
Pulling Jenna to talk to her, she immediately told him that it would probably not be a good idea because Jordan "would take off his skin and cook it", which is hilarious and perfectly describes the amount of jealousy that is hidden in this blonde model. .
So she refused it! But it was not enough for Jordan.
Jordan confronts Robby for asking Jenna a date
It was enough for Jordan to lose his head for Robby to ask Jenna the date she refused.
Calling the "big bad wolf", he certainly stormed Robby with the intention of blowing up his house. But guess what! It was smoke and mirrors set up by the show, because once Jordan had expressed what he felt about Jenna and the situation, Robby said, "I have no problem with it.
So, Robby asked Shushanna on the date in a "I guess everyone is caught except you".
The date of Shushanna and Robby
We were not really invested in Shushanna or Robby, but a bottle of champagne exploded for no reason while Shu was waiting for Robby at the bar, which was strange. Of course, Jordan and Jenna assumed it was witchcraft, but why would she use her energy and power on it? Looks silly.
Then, on their date, Robby continued to be hit with falling berries. Like, why would she lose her powers on that either? We do not buy it.
Shu, unfortunately, was unaware of Robby's infidelity with Amanda, so she did not get the full story of Robby leaving this game. Shu went on to say that she had full confidence in him and, honestly, it was a mistake.
Oddly enough, though, they did not show them the jaws. We wonder if she agreed to go to the appointment and say all these things, but we pulled the line with the producers around her neck because she really knew what he had done to women in the past.
Kiwi Jordan and Cassandra Smooch
Hurry, the season is almost over!
As these are two of the most recent additions to the series, we agree, agree, but do not force if it's not there, guys. What seemed to be right before their lips touched, so it was probably nice for both of them even though an entire team was telling them "OK! MAKE IT NOW!"
Joe and Kendall are both scared
The commitment is difficult for some people! What if there was something better there? And if you have a broken heart? And if you break their heart? It is very scary, but if you really want to find someone, you just have to overcome it.
Joe started this segment by saying that he entered heaven for fear of commitment and that he found the other person who was as terrified as he was. ; was. But it was time to tell Kendall what he was feeling.
Then he did it in a way where it was a joke, but not at all, and it put Kendall in a strange mood, and she lay down leaving her badly at ease.
The ceremony of roses
Before we entered the ceremony of the rose, which promised not to be spectacular at all because only Olivia had the choice, we must point out that Diggy brought a trumpet player to court her in a romantic gesture, and John killed a bunch of sunflowers and pushed them into the sand to try to do the same thing.
We did not care which of them were returning home.
Plus, someone told Shu that Robby was a big cheater so she had to have this conversation with him – he claimed he had not cheated Amanda, and Shusanna believed him.
And then Joe had a conversation with Kendall, who now said she loved him, but she did not know if she was in love with him. Joe could not win. After surviving both Leo and John, his feelings were not going to be reciprocal.
Look, we're not saying it's her fault, that's how she feels … She can feel how she wants or needs! But from Joe's point of view, if she's not there, he should not waste his time. And he agreed with us because he decided to go home. He did almost all the show and then left. Good for him, though, because it was wrong.
Honestly, he should have been the next Bachelor. Forget Colton, give us socially awkward Joe!
So who else went home?
Kendall, for one. She got into a car crying because she had just destroyed Joe – claiming it was his fault if she had not told him how he felt earlier (?) – and how she was going to him miss.
Plus, Diggy went home and John had another chance to give us the best naps of our lives.
Chris (Harrison) introduces himself with news
Chris (Harrison) comes in and tells everyone to meet him for news. He drops the bomb that there is not a week left in paradise: "tomorrow is the last day". The good news is that no one is coming, but the bad news is that decisions will have to be made faster than everyone else thinks.
"Tonight, these are the fantastic suites," he said. Too bad Colton left before he could ask more ridiculous questions about them (does anyone look at the last season of "The Bachelorette"?). Basically, you head either to the Fantasy Suite and "go to the next level" or you go home because the show is over anyway.
Here's how it rocked:
John told Olivia he was not ready for the Fantasy Suite, but he still wanted to "hang out with her" and see where things are going. She has accepted. Fortunately it did not last longer because our jaws would have stuck on one, very long yawning we let out during the whole clip.
Jordan (Kiwi) and Cassandra was separating, even if she wanted to see where she would go outside of paradise. He does not have it.
Robby and Shushanna decided not to go after fantasy after only 48 hours, but he wants to take him to an appointment "when he is in Utah".
Kamil and AnnalieseIn spite of the efforts of the show to make us leave with the hesitations of Kamil, decided to board the train to Plough Town and get off at the Fantasy Suites station.
Krystal and Chris (not Harrison) did not even need to discuss it, they also boarded the train to Plow Town.
Jordan (model) and Jenna also make the easy decision to board the train to Plow Town.
Kevin and Astrid, the strongest couple on the island, has experienced the most difficult time. From the outset, Kevin said that he had a mental breakdown and a terrible day about the decision. It was all based on the fact that he had been in a Fantasy Suite twice before, and that each ended horribly.
Then, instead of saying "let's try this without the Fantasy Suite", he was rubbing at her. He said something about him at 80% and there were just feelings deep in his belly. She, like all of us, said, "Who is the real man," and saw that Kevin was probably irrevocably marked by these shows and should probably stop following them.
Astrid then went home. Why would she stay there for that? There are many things we like about Kevin, he just seems … broken. So he went home too.
The dates of night
Everyone seemed a bit nervous and we're not sure it was just the producers telling them to do this, so the cliffhangers would bring the audience back and see how things went.
The only thing that really struck us at that time was Krystal, who was nervous about getting engaged because she never really saw herself getting married.
So why are you going on these shows? Why did you go on "The Bachelor" where the goal is literally to get engaged and get married to someone?
Oh, and Kamil told Annaliese that he was in love with her. For some reason, and perhaps it's only his excess of enthusiasm for the relationship (or the fact that he speaks English as a second language and something gets lost in the translation), we do not do not buy it really.
Jordan also told Jenna that he was in love with her, but everyone knew it already. Jenna, however, said it back and it was a pleasant surprise.
Then Krystal blindfolded Chris (not about Harrison, but we would pay for it to happen to him) and ran what we can only assume to be a goose feather along his naked torso.
Looks like we're joking, because we've been doing things like that all season, but we're not.
At the end of the final – 2nd part!
Yacht Episode Count: 0
Total number of yachts: 2
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