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Although it is incredibly common to hear that communication in a relationship is extremely important – perhaps even the most more What is important – there is always an exception to the rule. While your partner's ignorance would normally be a sign of relationship on foundations, new research published by the American Psychological Association has shown that in some cases, ignoring your partner can be a good thing.
The study examined nearly 1,000 couples in two experiments. Researchers visited couples and opened a conversation about the disagreements in their relationship and the things they would like to change, while the researchers recorded the couple's dynamics. The study found that for some couples, there was what they called a demand-withdrawal scheme. One partner would make requests and the other partner would withdraw or ignore these requests. This looks like a bad relationship behavior – and that is –EXCEPT for low-income couples. Interestingly, for couples with more resources, the withdrawal had a negative impact on a relationship, but for couples whose financial situation was worse, ignoring the requests had no negative impact on their relationship or level. of satisfaction.
But Jaclyn M. Ross, MA, of the University of California at Los Angeles, and lead author of the study, tells Bustle that "ignoring" can be a strong word, because the conclusions are much more nuanced than that. "We were surprised to see that this classic" she asks, he says, "that the communication model worked so differently for couples at different times in the socio-economic spectrum," said Ross. The idea of a motive "that she asks, it removes" being a "classic" motif is disturbing, but it's interesting to see that removal is not always a bad thing .
"A long tradition of work had shown that this model of communication demand / withdrawal should foreshadow the distress of the relationship, and we found here that this was not the case for all couples in our sample. Although our middle-class couples suffered because of this demand / withdrawal trend, our low-income and socially disadvantaged couples were actually better off when husbands withdrew when their wives demanded it. . "
Although the study focuses primarily on married and heterosexual couples and the research is broadened, these results show how important it is to understand how your financial situation can affect your relationship. In some cases, what is beneficial – or even realistic – for one couple may not be for another, especially if the circumstances of life are very different.
"Taking into account socio-economic status is essential to understanding the quality and functioning of relationships between people," said Ross. "We know that low-income couples are particularly exposed to distress and dissolution, and to understand how this happens, active efforts will likely be needed to recruit underfunded couples, as well as a careful analysis. their living conditions and their stressors when formulating our research questions and hypotheses. "This is certainly something to keep in mind both on a personal level, in terms of your relationship, and on a larger scale, as more research is needed in this area.
"Our message from these results is that for socially disadvantaged couples, the problems are more rooted, or more dependent on external circumstances, so that a change may not be possible," says Ross. And if the partner who is asked to change simply does not have access and control over all the resources needed to make that change? In this case, the disengagement may be necessary. "
Although in most cases, ignoring your partner or the problems of a relationship is not recommended, the circumstances of each couple are not all the same – and what works for them will not always be the same. In some cases, withdrawing from time to time can really help to ensure the satisfaction of your relationship. This is certainly not a suggestion to start ignoring your partner, but rather a reminder that not all couples have the same opportunities and coping mechanisms.
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