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Malcolm McCormick, better known by his stage name Mac Miller, died suddenly on September 7th at the age of 26.
The night after Mac's death, I dreamed that I was at her wedding. We were all celebrating with him and dancing in the hall. Waking up to the harsh reality that Mac was still gone was very difficult, but I also felt lucky to have another moment with him, if only in my sleep.
Friday, September 7, we all lost. A mother and her father lost a son. A brother has lost his brother or sister. Peers lost a great friend. Fans lost someone they loved. And the world has lost all the music to come.
Mac Miller was not your typical music star, and that's what made him so darling. Mac was the guy you grew up with or maybe he was you in your own struggles and celebrations of the coming of the majority. He talked about things you could refer to and everything he was going through.
Mac never wore a disguise. He was who he was, if you were with him in person, heard him in the song, saw him on a show or worked with him in the studio. And through all the ups and downs and growing fame, he has always been the same sincere, funny, passionate, complex and loving person we all knew from the beginning. Knowing Mac, it was wanting to know him even better.
And damn, this man was talented. He was without a doubt the most talented person I know. He was a complex composer of words, played all the instruments and produced incredible music. He could do his ass. He even did a jazz EP on a whim. He had a million ideas a day.
Mac was music through and he lived and breathed, and there was never a plan B for him. The music was what it was on this earth to do. He was a true visionary. As true as the artists come.
It was a wonderful blend of incredible trust and sincere doubt. He knew that he was destined to be a great artist, but always seemed surprised that he was really one.
Mac was extremely grateful for his success and enjoyed sharing it with his entourage. Before each show, he led his team in a prayer circle. He would pray for the safety and health of all, all the fans would have a good time and talk about all the other things he was grateful for. When he moved to LA, he invited everyone to record in his home studio. A whole community of artists has developed there.
Above all, Mac wanted everyone around him to be happy. You could see him in a vivid way in the way he loved his family and how he treated his friends. A good example is where he recently gave up everything to go home and be with an old friend who was undergoing cancer treatment. That's the kind of person that Mac was at the heart.
After the May car accident, I had a text chat with Mac to see if he was okay. He said that it was very painful, but that he was fine. "Grateful I'm living honestly." That was his exact words. Whatever happened on the day of his death, I have the impression that it was an accident. He did not intend to leave. In recent conversations, Mac seemed to feel good. He was really proud of his new album and was eager to tour and see his fans. It's a horrible tragedy.
I could write a book about my time with Mac. The ups and downs. Disagreements and love. His No. 1 album. The moment Donald Trump wanted Mac to apologize to him. The time I visited Mac in New York and that he wanted to take a walk to buy kitty litter, all things.
But a recent moment strikes me. Last year, I had written an article where I had openly discussed my fight against OCD and anxiety. Mac saw him and said he was proud of me. I think that basically, I've always wanted Mac's acceptance, I wanted him to love me and be proud of me. This validation meant more to me than ever.
I saw Mac last month at the Café Hotel. He was doing an intimate performance for his fans in support of his new album. After the show, he came out of the scene and crossed the crowd to join the small green room towards the back of the house. He saw me and gave me a big hug before continuing. It was a good hug … a hug, I'll remember it forever. It was the last time I saw it.
The love effusion that has occurred since his death has been incredible. The whole world liked him and I think he would be proud to see how many other artists respected him. I think that's what he wanted the most; to be loved and respected. He absolutely achieved that.
I think there are other people who deserve more to write this tribute. There are people who know him better and people who have worked with him more recently. But I am honored to have known and grateful to share my thoughts.
Mac has changed my life and I will miss him terribly. Fortunately, we have a lot to remember about him; music, memories, laughter, smile. The gifts that he shared with the world will live forever.
Mac, I hope to see you again soon in my dreams. I like you.
A version of this article was published in the September 15 issue of Billboard.
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