Monica Lewinsky talks about the Bill Clinton affair

Twenty years later, an emotive, Ms. Lewinsky, revealed that she was planning to commit suicide and that she was in love with the president as soon as the announcement of their affair.

The former White House trainee was 22 years old when their relationship began a few years earlier. Bill Clinton was 49 years old.

Now 45 years old, she will appear in a series of six The Clinton case who thoroughly examines the scandal as it unfolded, the consequences and the reasons why the Republican party wanted him to leave.

Ms. Lewinsky was interviewed for more than 20 hours for the series created by Blair Foster and Alex Gibney.

Before she left, she wrote a passionate Vanity Fair she explained how her fate and reputation had fallen into the hands of the public who had trouble deciding whether she deserved to be called "victim or rebel".

"It's a question as old as it was in the immemorial time: Madonna or Whore? Predator or prey? Dressed lightly or appropriately? Does she tell the truth or lie? And this is an issue that is still debated on women in general. And about me, "she wrote.

"The debate about people living in Victimville fascinates me as a public person who has seen strangers talk at length about my" victim "status on social media. The person at the epicenter of the experience does not necessarily have to decide. "

In the series of documents, Ms. Lewinsky talks about when she drew her attention.

"I kind of looked out the open door … and it happened that Bill was standing there. And he gestured to me – I do not think my heart beat so fast. Unbeknownst to me, I was on the rabbit hole precipice, "she said.

"It's not like he's not registered with me that he's the president, that's obvious.

"It meant more to me than a man that other people wanted, who wanted me. Even though it was wrong, it was however wrong because I was at that time, at that time, at age 22, that was what I was feeling. "

THE FRIEND TURNED THE ADVERTISER

Although she took the risk of telling her story, the documentary forced her to recognize past behavior she "regrets and is ashamed of".

In her Vanity Fair Ms. Lewinsky writes at length about her grief of being betrayed by a woman she thought was her friend, Linda Tripp, who secretly recorded their confidential phone calls about their relationship.

The scandal centered on the evidence of the presence of sperm on a blue dress that Mrs. Lewinsky wore during the case. Mrs. Tripp had encouraged her to keep the dress. It was later alleged in the press that Ms. Lewinsky had kept a "garment with dried Clinton semen", but no DNA evidence was found on her clothes during testing.

Ms. Tripp's recordings were turned over to independent lawyer Kenneth Starr and led to Clinton's removal from the House of Representatives a year after the scandal began.

"Basically, it had nothing to do with politics. It was about denouncing perjury and obstructing justice, "said Ms. Tripp earlier this year. Her decision to step out of the chair makes her one of the most prominent denunciators of political history.

"In my case, my duty, my oath was in the office of the presidency and not to the incumbent and I was faithful to that oath."

A few days after the charges, a man who also had an affair with Ms. Lewinsky, Andy Bleiler, said in public that she had told him that he had had oral sex with the president.

BETRAYAL GRIEVANCE

In her article, Ms. Lewinsky evokes the grief she's been experiencing for a relationship without normal closure.

The series also forced Ms. Lewinsky to confront "this" interview in which Bill Clinton waved his finger to say, "I did not have sex with this woman."

"Sitting at the edge of my grandmother's bed and watching him unfold on television, I, 24, was scared and I was hurt, but as happy as he was denied our relationship because I did not want him to resign, "she says.

"At 45, I see these images very differently. I see a sports coach report the game book for the big game. Instead of backing away from the swirling scandal and telling the truth, Bill instead threw the glove that day at the Oval Office … The demonization of Monica Lewinsky then began.

"As often, the power throws a protective cape around the shoulders of the man, and he dictates the situation by denigrating the less powerful woman."

Despite years of embarrassment and embarrassment to the public, Ms. Lewinsky said she still has good memories of the White House.

"I always cherish those memories. They were not totally annihilated by the complex and painful events that followed. "

"IF I LIVE HILLARY NOW"

Reflecting on how she would act if she saw Hillary Clinton today: "I know I would call on all the strength I had to recognize again – sincerely – how sorry I am."

Ms. Clinton claimed that her husband should not have resigned for this case and that she did not consider his acts an abuse of authority.

During the scandal, Clinton called the allegations "a far-reaching far-right plot".

Ms. Lewinsky had harsher words for the man she also once loved, citing an interview that he had given to who had been asked why he had maintained the relationship with her. After initially denying the scandal, in late 1998, he acknowledged the "inappropriate relationship".

"His reason:" Because I could. ""

"What seems to me more important than asking for a personal apology, is believing that Bill Clinton should excuse himself."

"I am less disappointed with him and more disappointed for him. He would be a better man for that … and we, in turn, a better society. "

In another article for Vanity Fair in March, Lewinsky said she was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, largely because of her public shame.