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Dealing with a boss or a difficult colleague can put your patience to the test and slow down your productivity. But working with a narcissist, on the other hand, can be downright unhealthy. Their egoism, manipulative tactics, and power-hungry manners can be boring at best and end a career at worst.
As an executive coach and teacher of human behavior, every day, readers tell me that they are working with a narcissist. They complain about executives and colleagues who make their work harder than it should be and who frustrates them forever. They blame the narcissistic tendencies of the other person for their lack of progress, not realizing that their own absorption might contribute to the problem.
The truth about narcissism
Psychologically, narcissism is a personality trait that each person has to a certain degree. Like any feature, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere in the continuum of narcissism. In fact, some egocentrism is healthy. Research shows that it contributes to trust, resilience and ambition.
However, any personality trait pushed to the extreme can become pathological. Excessive narcissism is deemed to present a narcissistic personality disorder (NDP), which is a diagnosable mental illness.
A person with narcissistic traits can sometimes be slightly egocentric, but the NDP, on the other hand, is a deeply rooted and ubiquitous pattern. These people have an extremely fragile sense of self-esteem (masked by a feeling of exaggerated superiority) to the point of interfering with normal functioning in a wide range of contexts other than work. Studies show that this may be due in part to brain differences. People with NDP often have fewer brain problems in areas related to empathy.
Related:How do you know if you or someone you know are narcissistic, according to a clinical psychologist
Difficult or messy
In other words, there is a difference between working with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder and work for someone who has more than normal narcissistic traits.
With the recent rise of narcissism and the popularity of the subject, I have also seen a growing interest in the self-diagnosis of difficult people in our lives and careers. Although narcissistic personality disorder is very rare (between 0.5% and 1% of the general population, ie one in a hundred people), it seems that everyone now claims to have a narcissist in his life, especially at work, where relationships can be most inflamed.
Reciting what you do not like in another person with a mental disorder is neither ethical nor fair. You can say things like: "my boss is absolutely crazy" or "she is a delusional narcissist" unexpectedly and out of anger, but pathologizing people in this way can be very dangerous. Labeling someone with a psychiatric disorder not only stigmatizes those who make living with mental health diagnoses, but it also trivializes the severity of the narcissistic personality disorder.
Spot a real narcissist
Before embarking on the self-diagnosis of your boss or colleague as a narcissist, it is important to understand what differentiates the narcissistic traits of the NDP in its own right.
The detection of narcissistic personality disorder in the workplace is crucial because it can be very harmful. For example, because they have trouble accepting criticism, research suggests that people with NDP are responsible for more work-related lawsuits. Narcissists are also attracted to power, which helps them assume leadership roles, but their penchant for unethical behavior, their need for admiration and lack of empathy kill morale and destroy an organization.
Related:The opposite of a narcissist is an "empathy" – here are the signs that you could be a
So, how do you know when narcissistic traits swing to NPD? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to diagnose a narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
- Excessive need for admiration and approval of others
- A sense of entitlement, to see oneself as exceptional, and condescending behavior
- An inability to recognize the feelings and needs of others
- Superficial relations
- Varying mood swings
These criteria must be relatively stable throughout a person's life and many situations, including in his personal relationships outside the workplace.
People with narcissistic personality disorder also typically exhibit extreme behaviors, such as:
- Thought or overly emotional or unpredictable behavior
- Distort facts and make false accusations
- The pleasure of doing it by breaking the rules or breaking the limits
- Use of psychological manipulations such as gas lighting, public shame and deflection
- Aggression and antisocial behavior
Whether you're dealing with a person with NDP or just narcissistic traits above normal, you need to learn how to protect yourself. Developing self-assertiveness skills, limitations and the ability to remain calm in response to the narcissist's tactics can help you succeed despite his presence or make the decision to move to an environment that suits you best.
Melody Wilding is a management coach, licensed social worker and human behavior professor at Hunter College. His clients include high performance managers and executives such as Google, Facebook and HP. Sign up for your free guide, Resetting the workday in 3 steps at melodywilding.com
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