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I would never have thought that we would live in a world where the Browns would have a better record than the Patriots three weeks later, but we are there. It's a world I do not understand, much like the Bills do not seem to understand geography.
Of course, the Bills are coming off the biggest upheaval of the last 20 years, so they say the Vikings are located in Wisconsin, so the Vikings are located in Wisconsin. If you know anyone in Minneapolis, please let them know that they are now living in Minneapolis, Wisconsin.
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The Bills game was not the only thing that was crazy during the weekend. We have also seen Drew Brees rushes for two touchdowns in a game for the first time ever and we saw an opportunity to rally the Browns to their first win in 18 months. Now, I do not usually like wild animal victories, but there can be no coincidence if an opportunity had just been present the same night the Browns won their first win in 635 days. Everyone knows that possums are good luck.
Unfortunately, this possum was treated as a second class citizen and could not even stay for the entire game.
This poor possum was treated like a drunk guy thrown into a bar, which is absurd, because this possum did not even seem drunk at all. Instead of kicking off the stadium, the Browns should have given their little lucky charm a key to the city and free season tickets for life.
Although he was kicked out of the stadium, he still seems to be a fan of the Browns, and I know it because he's created a Twitter account. Of course, creating a Twitter account does not seem credible at all, but neither is the Browns better than the Patriots, but it has happened. In fact, the fact that Browns are better in a tweet has been proven. I did not even know that possums knew the transitive property.
It's a nice idea. I will see if he wants to help me with my choices next week.
Speaking of my choices, let's move on to them.
In fact, before making my choice, here's a quick reminder that you can check out the weekly picks of each NFL CBSSports.com expert by clicking here. The reason you should click and consult other experts this week is that Will Brinson beat ALL other members of the country's media. That's right, for the second week in a row, someone from CBS Sports has selected everyone and let me say that I am absolutely shocked that Brinson has succeeded.
On the one hand, I did not even know that the guy was putting his time in his choices. As a rule, Brinson spends about 50% of his week styling, 10% of his week tweeting, 10% of his podcasting week, and 30% of his week feeding his cupcakes.
The fact is that I will obviously have to update these percentages because Brinson clearly spends much of his week choosing. I mean, it's the only way to explain how he dominated everyone over the weekend with his picks of week 3. According to our Pickwatch friends, Brinson's record of 11 -5 was tied for the best performance among the 117 members of the media they follow.
I wanted to give you his phone number so you can call him for advice, but apparently, it's frowned upon here. Clay Matthews is not allowed to fire quarterbacks and I do not have the right to give a colleague's phone number on the internet, some rules do not make sense. Since I can not give you Brinson's phone number, I suppose I'm just going to give you a link to his Twitter profile then you can follow him and ask him questions about his choices. For all Dolphins fans who read, he chooses your team to win sometimes, which is more than I can say about myself.
So which teams should you pick up in the fourth week of the NFL season? And what team with the aspirations of the playoffs is absolutely stunned by an outsider? Visit SportsLine now to see which teams have won more than 50% of the simulations, all from the model that has surpassed 98% of the experts followed by NFLPickWatch.com over the past two seasons.
Well, let's go to the choices, and no, I do not choose the dolphins to win.
NFL Week 4 choices
Minnesota (1-1-1) to L.A. Rams (3-0)
Thursday at 8:20 pm ET (NFL Network / Fox / Amazon Prime)
After starting the season with two games on NFL Network, Thursday night football made the move to Fox this week. Of course, since the population of the United States is more than millennia sharp, no one will look at Fox. Instead, everyone will be broadcasting the game on AMAZON PRIME, which is sort of appropriate since the Rams are driven by Millennial version of Bill Belichick.
With this game in the air, I must say that NFL football now ranks behind the two-day expedition as the best advantage of Amazon Prime. On the other hand, free shipping over two days is also the worst advantage and it is mainly because I always use it to buy things I do not need. Why does someone sell a Facebook shower curtain? But also, why does he have three?
I bet Sean McVay has three. I heard that they were popular among Millennials.
As far as this game is concerned, it will probably take one thing: will Kirk Cousins have time to launch?
If the answer is "yes", he will probably destroy a secondary of Rams who will certainly not have Aqib Talib and who will probably not have Marcus Peters. If the answer is "no", it could turn into a match play against Minnesota and we all know what happened: the cousins were beaten and escaped several times. I see cousins being beaten and groping a few times. Let's see what America thinks:
Look, the truth here is that I can not in all conscience choose a team driven by a millennium to lose in a game that is watched by thousands of millennia on Amazon Prime. The other reason I do not like the Vikings is that no team is flying two or more time zones west for part of Thursday. EVER WON (0-10) since The NFL brought its game Thursday night in 2006. Also, Alexa says the Rams will win.
The choice: Rams 27-17 on Vikings
Cincinnati (2-1) in Atlanta (1-2)
1 pm ET (CBS)
The most shocking thing I've learned over the past month is that Matty Ice is not the only nickname that Matt Ryan has in Atlanta. Apparently, Falcons fans have also started to call it "Indoor Andy", which is now officially my favorite nickname of all time.
Although I like Ryan's nickname well, I have to admit that "Indoor Andy" looks more like the name of a character in a children's book that can not go out in the sun because it's has a genetic disease. Anyway, I think the Bengals may not be a tip with this "Indoor Andy".
They are the same quarterback! And by the same token, I mean that they both seem to struggle in some strangely specific situations.
For the real Andy Dalton, most of these fights happen when the Bengals qualify for the playoffs. If you've seen a Bengals playoff game with Dalton, you've seen them all. For Indoor Andy, the difficulties arise when he faces an AFC team. For some reason, Matt Ryan becomes Ryan Leaf when he plays an AFC team. The Falcons only have 1 to 5 in their last six games against the AFC and 7 to 13 since the start of the 2013 season. It's not a playoff game, but Matt Ryan is playing a AFC team, so I know who I should choose: Afternoon Andy. And just so there is no confusion, it's the Andy who played for the Bengals, not "Indoor Andy".
The choice: Bengals 27-24 on the Falcons
Philadelphia (2-1) to Tennessee (2-1)
1 pm ET (Fox)
I will be honest here, I beat all the Titans that I have chosen this season. I never have any idea what they will do. When I think they're going zig, they zag. When I think they're going zag, they start Blaine Gabbert and he somehow wins two games away. During the third week, they beat one of the best defenses of the NFL with a wounded quarterback.
I mean, Tom Brady could not beat the Jaguars, but a combination of Blaine Gabbert and a barely functional Marcus Mariota had no problem. The situation of Titan shifts is so bad right now that they are literally at an injury of their season and they are turning into "Invincible". Mike Vrable will have to do free practice for the quarterback if Gabbert or Mariota are not healthier this week.
By the way, "Invincible" is my second favorite football movie behind "Remember the Titans", and now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably a sign that I should take Tennessee in this game. Normally, I ignore signs like this, but I'm choosing Titans parts this year, so it's probably in my best interest to ignore nothing. Based on what I have seen of these two offenses, we are going to be lucky if we see two total touchdowns on Sunday.
The choice: Titans 19-16 on Eagles
Tampa Bay (2-1) to Chicago (2-1)
1 pm ET (Fox)
To call the crazy things that happened at Week 3, the only thing that made sense was Ryan Fitzpatrick's mini-merger. The only reason that there was no real collapse was that Fitzpatrick failed to win in the second half against the Steelers after intercepting three interceptions in the first half Monday night. Watching it throw three picks might have seemed to be the lowest for Buccaneers fans, but believe me, it's not even halfway there. We will not see a Fitzpatrick collapse before playing a good defense, and unfortunately for the Buccaneers, this will come this week.
The collapse of Fitzpatrick during the mid-season has been studied so carefully over the years that there is now a chart for you to know exactly what will happen in the cycle.
As you can see, we are in a situation where he "plays very well". Then there is the slot "get paid", but it has already been paid, which means that we go directly to the "suck" part of the graph. If this table is correct – I found it on the Internet, then I guess it is – we could see a real crisis on Sunday. After studying the game closely, I do not think seven interceptions are out of the question for this week's game.
Fitzpatrick struggled when he was under pressure against the Steelers and now he has to play against the defense that leads the NFL into the sacks. At that point, the Bucs will have more chances to win if the officiating team decides to throw 19 penalties against the smugglers at the Bears. Although I predict Fitzpatrick's complete debacle, I still choose a tight match and that's mainly because the Bears offense is an abomination to football.
The choice: Bears 24-23 on Buccaneers
Baltimore (2-1) at Pittsburgh (1-1-1)
20:20 ET (NBC)
I'm going to a bachelor party this weekend, which I mention only because the single is a Steelers fan. The good news is that I am 99% sure that her relationship with her fiancee will last longer than that of The Vein Bell with the Steelers. I give him six more weeks, max.
The relationship between Bell and the Steelers is now at the point of no return. In fact, I'm pretty sure the Steelers are the ghosts right now, which is usually what people do to each other after they meet on Tinder. I mean, they pulled out of their list online, which I think qualifies as a ghost version of the NFL. By the way, if you do not know what the ghost is, it's definitely for the better.
The irony is that the Steelers are now 1-0 since they've removed Bell from their roster.
With the release of Bell, the Steelers offensive strategy has become: "Let Ben Roethlisberger throw the ball as many times as possible". In three weeks, Big Ben threw 1,140 yards (380 yards per game), the fifth highest total of all time in three weeks. I do not think Bell is coming back, so I expect Roethlisberger to make huge numbers every week and I'm particularly expecting him to do a lot this week and it's because he's playing Ravens. Last season, Big Ben raised 506 passing yards against the Ravens and I am quite confident he will be able to reach that number again since the Steelers managed to pull off their 2018 game.
The only thing I will say about the Ravens, is that they have been unstoppable in the red zone this season. Like, record NFL unstoppable.
Unfortunately for the Ravens, this series does not seem sustainable and I do not see it last. However, I think the series of wins won by the Steelers in prime time. In their last 11 games, the Steelers have won 11-0, including Monday's win over Tampa. I'm taking the Steelers, but only because Jeff the Bachelor has promised to buy me an Smirnoff Ice this weekend if I chose them. It was a case that I could not refuse.
The choice: Steelers 33-30 on Ravens
NFL Week 4 choices: everything else
Cowboys 20-17 against the Lions
Packers 24-20 on the bills
Colts 22-16 on Texans
Patriots 27-20 on the dolphins
Jaguars 23-16 on Jets
Raiders 23-20 on Browns
Seahawks 24-16 on the Cardinals
Saints 31 to 20 on the giants
Chargers 34-17 on 49ers
The chefs 31-24 on Broncos
BYES: Redskins, Panthers
Last week
Best choice: Last week, I said the leaders would score 38 points and beat the 49ers, then the Chiefs went out and scored 38 points and beat the 49ers. Now, did I know that the Chiefs were going to score five touchdowns in the first half and put that game at halftime? Of course I did it. I've played a lot of video games growing up and watching the Chiefs' attack, it's like watching a video game come to life. Sunday's turn is that the video game was actually Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. In this example, the leaders were clearly Mike Tyson and the 49ers were a little guy who was attacked by Mike Tyson.
Let's be honest, unless the Chiefs start playing like King Hippo, nobody will beat them.
Worst choice: Last week, I spent two paragraphs talking about how you should never choose the Raiders to win because they are the worst half-time NFL team, but I chose them anyway . Well, the joke was definitely for me because guess what happened: the worst team in the second half of the NFL led a second half. A friendly Dolphins fan even tried to convince me not to take the Raiders highlighting the many flaws of my choice …
However, I did not listen to it because: 1) You can never trust people on the internet and 2) I'm still angry at Dolphins fans for the time they vandalized Ray's house Finkle. This man did not deserve that.
Bills fans have not done it to Scott Norwood. I pick dolphins every week for the rest of the season until someone cleans this graffiti.
Selection file
All right in week 3: 8-8
Global SU: 28-18-2
Against the spread in week 3: 8-8
Global ATS: 23-24-1
Exact score forecast: 1
You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and If he does not do any of these things, he probably asks the city of Cleveland to organize a national Possum Day.
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