The marriage of Gwyneth Paltrow with Brad Falchuk was extraordinarily Goopy.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk surrendered consciously to God and their loved ones at a ceremony that took place in the Hamptons five weeks ago, and blessed us with a photo slide show on Friday morning.

#TheFaltrows celebrated its wedding in what could have been an ephemeral Goop store: textile bands in tasteful neutral tones, meticulously wrinkled arrangements of flowers and food, outrageous luxury elements packed to appear as at home and without worries. Here are the eight most crazy facts about Faltrow's marriage, as reported on Goop.com:

1. "Seventy guests came down on Amagansett," said Goop. When the Faltrow family (both organic and chosen!) Visits a city, it has arrival; they go downas if from a balcony overlooking an ancestral domain, or perhaps a cloud. An even number of guests were required for the Faltrow wedding, both for seating arrangements (two long communal tables) and for dessert (45 "personalized carrot cakes", Paltrow's favorite, and 45 chocolate and vanilla cookies, chosen by Falchuk).

2. The rehearsal dinner table scenes included what looked like wildflowers and weeds, as well as cut-up blackberries and figs. The figs were perfectly ripe and unbroken. I'd like to imagine one of the guests gailleur, perhaps the most one, eating the fruits after their third gin and thyme cocktail. Otherwise, what a waste of good figs!

3. Do you know what was not wasted? The floral arrangements of the main manifestation, described on Goop as "a riot of flowers," otherwise known as "black block of dahlias," were then given to "local hospitals and medical centers." do what he does in reality, but you know what, I bet these dahlias smelled amazing. The flowers and greenery of Faltrow's wedding almost certainly cost several thousand dollars, if they were not given by the vendors in exchange for comments on the Goop website. Donating costly floral arrangements to sick people, some of whom are probably bankrupt with medical bills, is a little 'let them eat cake' to my taste. In any case, a nice gesture!

4. In addition to a nice bottle of Belvedere vodka on the martini cart ("courtesy of Restoration Hardware"), there was a large handful of Tito's. Why? It's gluten free! No brain grain here!

5. The guests might not have noticed it, but every damn thing at the #TheFaltrows party was an ad for Goop. Throws and pillows in the rehearsal room? Sold by Goop. The "cast oval casseroles" that keep the "ashy squash" warm? Find them at Goop! Linen aprons worn by catering staff? Not sold on Goop, but other home textiles from the same company are sold on Goop! The site even published the tortellini recipe for lobster served at dinner as a special post-wedding content. The whole event was designed as a showroom for affiliates, designed to bring in money when the photos went up. And a lot of things that Goop does not sell – like the ring cushions that get their own line in the credits – is always called with a brand name. Late Capitalism x Love.

6 Three separate companies had to team up for the "dinner tent."

Goop's slideshow describes Paltrow's Valentino Haute Couture dress as "a dress that defies adjectives". Really? Not a single adjective does not apply? The English language has not matured yet at the level of this white lace dress? The most plausible explanation: Paltrow, who most likely obtained the right of veto on every word of the message, eliminated at least five descriptors that did not seem superlative enough.

8. A chef from Santiago de Chile was invited by plane to completely destroy the lawn of Amagansett (New York) with a gigantic hearth, on which he grilled and smoked pineapple shorn 12 hours each. According to Goop Post, a 12-hour grilled pineapple becomes "so tender that you can eat it at the bottom". I'm not even sorry about the carbon footprint of transporting a Chilean chef to the Hamptons for a single meal. so great.