The problem when we talk about mental health

After years of mental health problems, Lucy Fry was happy to see celebrities encourage others to express themselves. She then tried to take out life insurance – and discovered the secret disadvantages of opening

Author and journalist Lucy Fry

Who does not remember how he was moving when Prince Harry opened on the emotional stop of 20 years, he knew after the death of his mother? Adele also admitted to having suffered postnatal depression after the birth of her son. This raw openness of such eminent personalities was a taboo subject, as if it opened a new era of understanding and acceptance of mental illness – and other victims were encouraged to do the same. But should the rest of us really be so unguarded? I vehemently agree that openness is the antidote to shame, and that it promotes both compassion and connection. Yet discrimination persists – as I know at my expense.

A few months ago, towards my son's first birthday, I decided to take out life insurance. As scary as thinking about mortality, becoming a parent has forced me to consider such morbid things. Except that things did not go as planned, because the two suppliers that I contacted refused my application. One of them stated that it was because I had already been referred to an alcohol specialist because of my alcohol problems, while one of them said it was because I had already been referred to an alcohol specialist because of my alcohol problems, while that the other, that I had to continue looking for information about it, cited as a problem my recent visits to a psychiatrist (for help with depression). .

Adele has been frank about her postnatal depression

I have called both providers to explain that: a) Yes, I am addicted to recovery, but have been sober for seven years; b) I am in good mental health and have a strong emotional support system around me, including weekly psychotherapy and a supportive family; c) I exercise four times a week, eat well, do not smoke, have a healthy body weight and have excellent cholesterol readings.

None of these things helped my cause. Even the lady on the phone agreed that it was unfair – a kind of general policy "computer says no" against anyone with a history of addiction or psychiatric problems. Maybe is that the nature of insurance? But it's hard not to feel offended, especially if, if my partner dies, our mortgage is repaid (she asked the same providers and was accepted immediately), whereas if I die, she gets nothing.

"Many people are being charged a higher premium or a totally denied coverage if they have had a mental health problem in the past, even if they have recovered," said Michael Henson-Webb, Mind Manager, a charity mental health association. "Some insurers work with a total lack of transparency and many people are no wiser than the reasons why they were denied."

Travel insurance is not much better. Recent research (conducted by the charity Money and Mental Health) shows that one in three people with mental health problems traveled without insurance to cover their mental health because it was too expensive or their condition was excluded. For example, a depressed person may apply for travel insurance if they have to cancel a project because of a physical complaint, but not a mental complaint.

Money and Mental Health Director Helen Undy says, "Half of us experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives. If the travel insurance market does not work for half of the customers, it really does not work at all. "

If you are right or a popstar, the negative financial effects of getting out of mental health struggles are not a big problem. We, however, have reason to worry.

In addition to the financial implications of disclosure, there may be romantic costs. I am lucky: having been with my partner for more than ten years, I can not claim to have been discriminated against at dating places. But I'm pretty sure my periods of despair would not be the first thing I would mention on a date – but some people can not hide their difficulties as easily as I do.

Take Laura, 40, who has many red lines on her upper thighs and is self-employed. "I can hide the scars," she says, "but whenever intimacy becomes intimate, it's always the time when the other person sees the scars and his eyes bulging. I guess I should warn them in advance, but I'm afraid to scare them. So I wait … Sometimes they panic and run away there. Sometimes they run away the next morning. My struggles are there, on my skin. People say we should be open, but most of the time, they do not want to see. "

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, along with Prince Harry, launched the Heads Together campaign in 2017 to raise awareness of mental health issues.

Admitting his demons can give Prince Harry an attractive appearance, but for some of us, transparency about mental illness can lead to new problems. In the workplace, for example, there is often a huge gap between people's stated principles and how they actually behave. As a freelance writer who specializes in mental, physical and emotional health, I managed to make my own struggles work for me. Like all freelancers, however, I am still in the uncertainty of knowing if I will have commission next time. Journalism is synonymous with reliability, speed and availability. I would rather say that my stomach hurts than telling a publisher that I'm under the covers and crying.

Emma Mamo, Wellness Manager at Mind, said: "While the public's attitude toward people with mental health problems has improved, stigma persists; however, employees who require time off for depression should be treated the same as those taking days off for back pain. "Recent survey results suggest that one in four devastating workers suffers from their mental health problems silently, but that managers support them, they take fewer days of work (a win-win situation"). ).

"No employer has ever treated my depression the same way that they would be a physical illness," a friend, a professor, told me recently. "An episode was treated secretly by my department head who said," You do not want this back to senior management. "It implied that they might consider me an unreliable employee, and I felt it was better for me."

Louise, a 32-year-old pediatric nurse, who was sentenced by a doctor for her debilitating anxiety, was scheduled for regular face-to-face meetings to receive her salary. "It was clearly a coaching exercise: the managers did not seem to care about my well-being, but only about my ability to work," she says. "How are people supposed to express themselves about mental health if those around them do not offer support? However, the alternative is that someone keeps silent about his illness and ends up harming his patient or himself. In my work, when people push themselves too far, terrible things can happen. "

For Kim Sunley, national chief of the Royal College of Nursing, this is not unusual in nursing: "Many nurses report high levels of stress and lack of support from employers. Nurses feel obligated to work even when they feel sick, which can worsen their health problems. & # 39;

It is clear that many companies lip service to the idea of ​​supporting mental illness, but do not really care about the way they treat their staff. Fortunately, this is not always the case. Bernice, 26, a marketing researcher with anxiety and depression, has had a very positive experience with her company since the day she revealed her mental health issues. "I was hesitant to put my anxiety on my health record at the beginning of my work, but I'm very happy I did," she says. "On the first day, my department head gave me a coffee and told me that I could talk to him when I wanted him if I struggled."

It was worth a lot because she had been stigmatized in the old workplaces. "In previous jobs, I stayed silent, I went in secret to have a panic attack or I did not arrive on the darkest days," says Bernice. I felt that my concern was a disadvantage for everyone else. Often, when I came back from work, my colleagues told me clearly that they were annoyed. But now, I felt as if everyone was accepted at my workplace. My manager even asked me what I needed on the wrong days. "

Jo Loughran, Time to Change Director of the Mental Health Campaign, said, "Listening and not judging are two of the most important things you can do. Know that it can be difficult to have conversations about mental health at work, so be patient with the person concerned. Anyway, just ask how they are going can go very far. "

Speak or do not speak? That is the question for people with mental health problems. The last thing I want to do is encourage anyone to go back to a closet of shame and self-hate by pointing out the risks we are going to be open. We need to keep talking as long as there is discrimination against people with mental illness. Questioning insurers, employers and even potential partners about why they refused you is more powerful than you think. And if I miss another deadline during a depression crisis, I'll tell the truth and I'm confident that my employers will think no less about me as a result.