"We-Talk" is linked to happier and healthier relationships

Most of us underestimate the meaning of the pronouns we use most frequently in our daily lives. But pronouns matter. New research suggests that engaging in a large number of verbal discussions or more could be an indicator of predisposition to distress and negative emotionality or healthy interdependence in a romantic relationship , respectively.

"I-talk" refers to the frequent use of singular pronouns in the first person, such as "I", "me" and "mine" when writing or speaking. "We speak" refers to the frequent use of first person plural pronouns, such as "we", "us" and "ours".

Earlier this year, a study from the University of Arizona found that excessive speech was a clear linguistic indicator of the likelihood of a person being more exposed to general distress and a wide range of negative emotions. . (For more information, see "Stress?" Too much of "I-Talk" could be part of the problem. ")

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Now, the biggest analysis ever done on the "we-speak" used by romantic partners suggests that the frequent use of "us" and "us" is related to happier and healthier relationships. This article, "Meta-analytic Evidence According to Which We Speak Predicts Relationship and Personal Functioning in Romantic Couples," has recently been published online in Journal of social and personal relations.

For their meta-analysis of we-talk, researchers at the University of California, Riverside, examined the results of 30 different studies involving more than 5,000 participants. This in-depth analysis of we-talk was conducted by Megan Robbins and colleagues at the UCBSVE Observatory of Social Exchange in Real and Virtual Environments.

While analyzing huge amounts of data, Robbins and his team focused on five measures: (1) relational outcomes, such as satisfaction and life span in couples, (2) relational behaviors, marked by frequency positive or negative reactions. interactions, (3) mental health in general, (4) physical health in general, and (5) health-related behaviors, as indicated by daily lifestyle choices.

"By examining all these studies together, they let us see the bigger picture.We are talking about is an indicator of interdependence and overall positivity in romantic relationships," said Alexander Karan, a graduate student of Robbins lab and lead author. declaration. "The most important thing is that interdependence can lead to supportive, relationship-centered behaviors and positive perceptions of the partner, which is particularly important in times of stress and conflict."

In particular, Karan et al. found that we speak is useful for resolving conflicts. Using "us" or "us" is even beneficial when someone's partner is not physically present. In addition, the frequent use of we-talk seems to benefit the speaker, but has an even greater impact on the partner of someone hearing his union collectively called "us". (Note: writing on pronouns made me aware of every pronoun I used. Should I have said "their" union or is there a more appropriate pronoun?)

There is also a chicken or egg aspect in this research on we-talk. The Million Dollar Question: Are we talking about making romantic couples happier or are happy couples more likely to use us?

"These are probably both, hear yourself or a partner say that these words could change the way people think so that they are more interdependent, which could lead to a healthier relationship," said Robbins. "However, this could also be the case relationship is healthy and interdependent, the partners are supportive and use us-speak."

Future research in Robbins' lab will determine whether advising couples to use more "we-speak" and less "i-talk" can create an upward spiral of healthy interdependence in turning away looking towards you. towards being relationship oriented.

In the meantime, why not try to say "we" more and "me" less? The latest empirical evidence suggests that making a small effort to use fewer singular first person pronouns such as "I", "me" and "mine" and saying "we", "us" and "our" more frequently could help improve your propensity for positive emotionality and could create a healthy interdependence training effect with others.