Why Shawn Mendes feels the need to prove that he's not gay

Shawn Mendes he said in 2016 and he will repeat it: "I am not gay."

In Rolling stoneIn his December issue, the 20-year-old singer-songwriter reaffirms his sexual orientation and explains how Hailey Baldwin this year alone exacerbated the rumors. Acknowledging that he was more than just friends with the 22-year-old model, the singer of "In My Blood" states, "I do not even want to put a title on it.I think it was more of a zone of limbo. "

Just a month after their participation in the Gala of 2018 together (Tommy Hilfiger's guests), Baldwin was engaged to Justin Bieber, with whom she had been out before, and did not follow Mendes on Instagram. Mendes does not see himself as a victim. "I understand, you know. I sent a text message to Hailey: "Congratulations" and I'm really happy for them. She's still one of the coolest people in the world – she's not just a beautiful person, but she's one of the most beautiful hearts I've ever met. " he admits, "I think I'm an idiot for not, you know … But you can not control your heart."

Mendes admits that the attention paid to his personal life has been a major stressor.

"I would like to say that I do not care, but that's not true," he admits. The main concern, says Mendes, is "this huge thing in the last five years that I'm gay".

In the era of social media, perception is a reality and Mendes knows how to play. "In the back of my heart, I have the feeling of going to see someone in public, such as a girl, to prove to people that I am not gay." Even though, in my heart , I know it's not bad thing, "adds the singer" Nervous ". "There is still a piece of me that thinks that, and I hate this side of me."

There are two Christmas, Mendes was reading comments about his sexuality on YouTube when he decided to film Snapchat videos and respond to speculation. "I thought," Guys, you are so lucky that I am not really gay and terrified of going out. "It's something that kills people," he recalls. "It's just how sensitive it is.Do you like the songs? Do you like me? Do we care if I'm gay?"

Even after posting Snapchat's videos, Mendes was on full alert. Earlier this year, for example, Taylor Swift asked Mendes for permission to post a video of his glittering eye makeup on his face during a time of unavailability during his tour. Mendes told him that it was ok, but later that night he woke up with cold sweats. "I felt sick," he says. "I thought to myself" F – k, why did I let her post that? "I just fed the fire that I'm terrified of." In the end, he does not regret any of these. He had shown this aspect of himself, as he was growing up with 15 cousins ​​who were braiding their hair and combing their nails. "Maybe I'm a bit more feminine, but it's like that," he reasoned. "That's why I am me."

Now, Mendes is not afraid of LGBTQ-centric content. When he released the single "In My Blood", for example, he was in a movie theater watching Love, SimonA romantic drama about a teenager locked up by a classmate. Mendes left the theater early after having a panic attack. Then he opened Twitter and saw messages from people related to his song. Mendes remained awake until 3 am by reading the comments. "I broke down in my hotel room." I started crying, and I thought to myself: "That's why you're talking about what's real, in fact & # 39; " he says Rolling stone. "I was like:" My God, never question the feeling of rewriting the truth. "