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Last year, when the #MeToo movement broke out on social media, people who had been harassed, abused or sexually assaulted – and who were willing to discuss it – published their stories.
Now, a new hashtag has appeared as if in response to the question: Why did not you say something sooner?
Last week, 51-year-old Christine Blasey Ford presented a letter in which she accused Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, a Supreme Court candidate for President Trump, of stumbling into her bed when she screamed. were teenagers. Judge Kavanaugh denied the allegation.
Some Senators suggested that Dr. Blasey – who also bears his marital name, Ford – was "involved" or organized a "road attack" against Judge Kavanaugh. Friday, President Trump questioned her credibility by saying that if the attack "was as bad as she says", she or her parents reported it to the authorities when it happened more than 30 years ago.
The survivors of abuse reacted by rallying to a new hashtag, #WhyIDidntReportto highlight the difficulties, fear, anger and shame that so often surround sexual harassment and sexual assault.
"It can take a survivor time to deal with this trauma, and even to identify what happened," he said. Carolyn M. West, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, has written and written extensively on sexual abuse and trauma.
And even after dealing with what happened, the survivors said that it's hard to talk to friends and family members.
Caitlyn Leong, 20, said she thought people would not believe her because she was in a relationship when she was assaulted. Lerato Chondoma, 37, felt shame because she had been drinking at a party before that happened. And Amy Selwyn, 59, said she had kept quiet, in part, because she was worried about her career.
But all three said that they were now speaking publicly because they thought it might help other survivors.
Ms. Leong, a university student, tweeted Saturday about an abusive relationship and said that it took months to realize that what she had experienced was sexual abuse, and months later to tell her about it. friends.
"It can be traumatizing to say something and not to feel heard, and not to feel believed," Ms. Leong said in an interview.
She stated that one of the reasons she did not file a complaint was that reporting abuse could be exhausting. This can hurt the reputation and take time and effort.
"What I would say to people who criticize survivors' decisions to come out 30, 40 or 50 years later is that it may have taken them so long to treat their trauma," said Ms. Leong. "It may have taken a long time to get to the point where they feel safe enough in what they have accomplished."
More than three decades had passed before Mrs. Selwyn told anyone about what happened to her in a New York hotel at the age of 25.
"I felt stupid," said Mrs. Selwyn. "I felt vulnerable. I felt humiliated. And I also had the impression that if I said something, my career would be over.
But last year, Mrs. Selwyn found herself talking to a friend for the first time. She felt angry and wanted to support other survivors, so she published her story in an article on Medium in May 2017, months before #MeToo.
She said the hashtag campaigns of the past year have been encouraging.
"I think what has happened is that there is a greater ability to amplify the voices of the non-famous," she said. "We are building a movement."
But even when people make their memories public, it can be as traumatic as liberating.
Ms. Chondoma used the #WhyIDidntReport hashtag in a tweet Friday. When she saw the number of responses she received, she felt exposed and overwhelmed – even though many wrote to express their camaraderie or gratitude.
"I feel anxious in my stomach," she said on Saturday. "But I had the impression that it was important to do it."
She had tweeted her experience as a university student in South Africa and had not reported a sexual assault because she had attended a party and then went to a man's room. . "I thought it was exactly what happened when you had too much party," she wrote.
Ms. Chondoma said that 17 years later, her feelings were still painful and raw.
"I felt so ashamed of the way I lived my life at that time and the fact that I've always been judged by my appearance or my clothing," she said. declared.
It is very common for survivors to attack themselves, said Amy Smith, a Nurse Practitioner at Long Island Jewish Hospital, who treats people who have been sexually assaulted.
"It's really the only crime where people doubt the victim immediately," she added. "If your car was stolen, it does not say," Was it stolen? Why did you drive such an expensive car?
Over the last decade, Ms. Smith has treated many survivors who did not want to report abuse, such as destitute women leaving a relationship or teens who felt guilty about drinking.
She remembers patients who felt detached during an assault and others who had fixed on one or two random details while blocking others. Our brain, she says, may work differently during trauma.
"Psychologically, when they are scared or upset, many of my patients go to fight, steal or freeze," she said. "The gel mode is a dissociative type, because our brain protects us so much." (Ms. Selwyn wrote that she still remembered her abuser's socks and bed cover pattern, but not the month.)
Dr. West said that sexual harassment and sexual abuse are more common than we know because many people never report it at all. "It's hard for privileged women to come forward, we have to recognize how difficult it is for marginalized women to believe," she said.
Survivors said sharing these experiences, even years or decades later, could be as productive as it was painful.
"Social media movements like this can change lives because hundreds of thousands of others share their stories, and you do not feel like you're the only person that's happened to you," he says. said Ms. Leong. "You do not feel like you're in this void where terrible things have happened."
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