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Dear Amy: We are a senior retired couple living in a condominium complex of townhouses.
As such, we have an individual collection of waste / recycling.
We do not generate a lot of waste or recycling. Our cans rarely fill up more than 50%.
We have noticed that our garbage cans and recycling bins are often filled with garbage / recycling from other residents to the point where the lids are raised and garbage bags are hanging.
We pay for our garbage and, like everyone else in the resort, we buy the smallest box available.
Is it old fashioned to be upset by this?
It's not so much the fact that people use our cans, although I would prefer that the amount in the cans does not exceed the ability to close the lid.
It's the fact that nobody cares to come and ask us for our permission.
It seems rude to use our cans without our permission.
I'd be happy to lend a hand, but is it just old-fashioned to want to be asked first?
– Peve
Dear Peeved: Why are you so concerned about being perceived as "old-fashioned"? Have you been persuaded that your own honest reactions are not acceptable?
Change your position! Own your feelings!
You can discuss this issue at your next meeting of the co-ownership council or on the complex's mailing list (if applicable). You may find that other residents are experiencing the same annoyance, or you can smoke a neighbor who does.
Yes, it's annoying. Yes, you have every right to find it boring and wish people behave differently.
You and your wife could approach that with a bit of humor and perhaps encourage people to be more respectful.
Glue a fluorescent sign on the inside of the lid so that someone opens it up:
"Hello dear friends.
You generate so much waste that you have to use an extra can? It's a pity. Have you noticed that the planet is on fire?
We will accept your unnecessary overflow, but be courteous and put the lid on properly. (And leave a box of still warm brownies cooked at home.)
thank you,
Do not waste, do not want to.
Dear Amy: I will retire from my current job after 20 years. I wanted to thank two colleagues whom I have known for most of this time.
I appreciate their friendship and dedication to the work of our agency, which provides services to people with intellectual disabilities.
Can you offer them an appropriate thank you gift as friends, colleagues and professionals dedicated to the people we serve?
– near future retiree
Dear retiree, Nothing beats a well expressed, personal and sincere note. Your note should include expressions of gratitude, as well as at least a remarkable memory of your time working together.
Along with the note, it makes sense to try to match the gifts to the personal interests of the recipients. If a coworker is passionate about gardening, you can send her a rose bush or a lilac – or send her a gift card for a nursery. Plants are great gifts because they are more and more reminiscent of the person they are from.
If your coworker thinks best about a good cup of coffee, a special hand-made mug with premium coffee could make them smile.
Dear Amy: Thank you for having printed the letter of "In a Quandary", which spoke about the (illegal) abortion of his wife more than 50 years ago.
I am a 72 year old woman.
When my father was about seven or eight years old, his father died of the flu during the flu epidemic in 1917.
Several years later, his mother also died. This allowed my father and two younger sisters to be sent to an orphanage.
My father was then sent to a foster family.
After the death of my father in 1967, my mother shared with me that my father thought that his mother had died of an abortion. It would have been in the early 1920s.
The letter of In a Quandary made me cry. Thank you for reading it in your column.
– grateful
Dear grateful, I appreciate everyone's willingness to share these extremely personal and painful episodes. They allow the rest of us to take an important perspective. We human beings have the ability to tell our stories, so we should. Yours make me cry.
(You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @ askingamy or Facebook.)
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