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“Monday Night Football” boasted of having two scheming contenders to close Week 4, the Chargers welcoming the Raiders in a high-profile clash with leaders AFC West. What it didn’t offer, however, was everyone’s favorite new prime-time duo: Peyton and Eli Manning, who launched their own ESPN2 show in the first three weeks of the season.
Where were the Manning brothers for the Chargers-Raiders game? Sit at home. Or in a bar. Or somewhere, but not in their typical “cabins”. Why? Because they’re only signed on to do 10 Monday Night Football shows this season, so they’re taking a hiatus until Week 7, when the Seahawks host the Saints on October 25th.
If you’re stuck there, sitting dark, wondering how you’re going to get through until Halloween without stocking up on Peyton and Eli on “Monday Night Football,” don’t worry. Because we took the time to imagine what their conversations might have been like during the first half of this week’s contest between the Chargers and Raiders. Please note that none of the following conversations are real. Repeat: they are made up. But if you’re desperate for Manning Brothers content, this should do the trick:
Lightning delay
Peyton: You cannot be serious. We learn that the game will be delayed until… 8:55 am EST, they say… due to lightning. We’re talking about an indoor building, folks. The last time I checked, lightning is not going through the roof.
Eli: Are you sure of this?
Peyton: Yes, Eli, I’m sure. But that’s what we mean, a delayed start. Wow. And they keep the TV crews in the field!
Eli: Maybe because they don’t wear a helmet?
Peyton: This is why I am frustrated with this, I have to spend another 30 minutes with you.
Uniform suits
Eli: You know, one thing I notice while waiting to kick off is these uniforms. What do you think, Peyton, are these the prettiest jerseys we’ve seen so far this year?
Peyton: Ah without a doubt. In fact, it almost makes me a little jealous. You know, all those years of wearing the Colts blue, you don’t get a ton of variety with that one.
Eli: No, you don’t. And we haven’t had much better in New York.
Peyton: Don’t worry, you would have hurt them too.
Eli: Oh! Have you seen this ?!
Peyton: Oh my sweet Elway, was that a tackle. I mean, if I’m Jon Gruden, I use this movie to teach my safeties how to take a guy down, every week, for the rest of the season. Take out the whiteboard to trace Renfrow’s path to the ball.
Eli: Begins disguising himself as Hunter Renfrow to surpass the Peyton diagram. Impossible to remove the helmet afterwards, so resumes his seat at full speed.
Peyton: Eli, by the way, where did you find the Raiders helmet? Are you ready to share this story?
Eli: Maybe later, Peyton.
Peyton: Did Jon call you last year? Are you ready to share this?
Eli: Later.
Peyton: Oh my God, are they really going to call it here? They are. Darren Waller has the audacity to get excited after his big catch, and it’s a penalty for the Raiders.
Eli: Phew. It’s hard.
Peyton: It’s ridiculous. Horseradish.
Eli: I think you probably celebrated louder than that when you played.
Peyton: Darren, you send us any bill, and Eli and I will pay that for you.
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