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It’s the weirdest TV since “Tiger King”.
The Democratic National Convention kicked off Monday night with all the glamor and excitement of a Zoom conference. The Home Shopping Network produces more dynamic programming and is much better at promoting the product.
Inexplicably, former “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria Bastón was the host. Wearing a sleeveless white sheath dress and a permanent expression of tearful worry, Longoria Bastón repeatedly invoked the theme of the convention, “We the people”.
She should have asked for a doctor’s script.
“YOU are the ‘we’ in ‘we the people’,” she said.
Also: “‘We the people’ mean all the people, even those with whom we might not agree.”
The fourth grade social studies class is more sophisticated and less offensive.
Early on, an unfortunate American identified only as Eric (avoid that forked crowd, Eric!) Told us about what looked like a safe room, clutching what looked like a cocktail, as he apologized for having voted for Trump. Eric informed us that unlike Trump, Biden has a platform, which includes “unity”.
It was the only comedy moment of the night.
They say politics is Hollywood for the simple people. What better way to hammer this house than this virtual convention, seeing our elected officials sitting in a drab setting: The kitchen which Senator Catherine Cortez Mastro gave her address is something that even the poorest couple of “house hunters” would not want not (those white devices!). Or Kirsten Gillibrand’s sad and spartan solarium – where is the pageantry? The optics? What are these Poles spending their lobbyist money on?
The virus quickly killed those things that were slowly dying anyway – movie theaters, retail stores, for-profit universities.
Add political conventions, and perhaps Joe Biden’s presidential hopefuls, to that list.
Not even Andrew Cuomo – who became the go-to TV for New Yorkers during the height of the pandemic, entertaining us with a possible nipple ring, dreaming of his daughter’s boyfriend, the COVID foam mountain that wouldn’t qualify. for a science fair – could not save the night. Nor is the trail, once again, of Bruce Springsteen and his 9/11 anthem “The Rising”.
Nothing, not even The Boss, could pierce the dead air here.
Whatever brain trust arose, this non-event saved the party’s most charismatic and admired person, Michelle Obama, for last. The Dems should have ditched Michelle O’s pre-recorded speech online and called it a day. Who else but the most supreme masochist would have spent those dark, educational two hours just to see someone they can see painlessly the next day?
“I know a lot of people are reluctant to connect to a political convention right now,” Obama said. “Believe me, I understand that.”
Oh, Michelle. You have no idea.
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