5 financial questions that bread winners should ask before getting married

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Marriage provokes so much excitement for new spouses that it is easy to put financial conversations in the background. Who wants to ruin the honeymoon by pulling a spreadsheet? Couples who have cohabited first can easily underestimate how a legal union can alter financial planning. And these conversations can be even more delicate when a partner earns all (or almost) money.

An income imbalance should lead to difficult discussions about roles, responsibilities and decision-making. But in our experience, these conversations rarely happen. Too often we find that couples have unspoken assumptions about money that only surface when something forces them to do so, such as the birth of a child or a job opportunity in a new city.

Here are the questions we want our supportive family clients to start asking us sooner:

1. "What financial questions should we ask before getting married?" Too many couples get married assuming that they are on the same page with regard to salary, career, debts, education, children or place of residence. Before planning your wedding, find out where you are both. Discuss whether the partner other than the head of household expects to participate in decisions about the household budget and the main expenses Ask yourself if you both want children and, in the meantime affirmatively, how each of you will contribute to childcare – in terms of time and money – so that you both achieve your career and life goals. And discuss whether you expect the spouse to keep this role forever, or if you could trade roles at some point.

2. "How can I further involve my partner in financial planning?" Some of our beneficiary clients discovered that financial planning disinterested or intimidated their spouse. The partner who is not the support of the family can simply think that the finances of the family are not his responsibility. Whatever the reason for their reluctance, you can bring them with you by asking them to comment on a specific financial problem, such as saving for retirement or opening a 529 account. This can then open the door to other financial conversations. You can also ask your spouse to visit a trusted finance professional, so that the advisor can facilitate financial conversations between you.

3. "Do I need a marriage contract or a post-treatment?" Pre-young people remain controversial because of the perception that they report a lack of commitment or reduce marriage to a monetary transaction. But when one partner has a lot and the other has very little (be it a weak asset or a high debt), a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement should be an option. We heard this question from a woman who had inherited millions of dollars and who was engaged to a man struggling with a student loan debt. Although he was hesitant, the couple finally got a marriage contract.

If you have not received a pre-appointment contract in advance, there are certain scenarios in which postnuptial contracts are particularly interesting. This may be the case if, during the marriage, you create a significant wealth because of an inheritance or business that you have created by yourself. Another reason may be if you want to leave part of the inheritance to a child from a previous relationship.

4. "How can I pay for the care of children and the elderly? Integrate the costs of caregiving into your budgets to increase your long-term options. The costs of housing, food, clothing, travel and medical expenses can be minimal compared to a loss of income if the breadwinner has to give up his career goals to take care of a job. member of his family. Do not assume that the spouse who does not make a living will be able or willing to do anything. Parents who stay at home often discover that they are still in need of outside help and that longer life increases the likelihood that older parents will need full-time assistance. .

Your place of work can help you finance a flexible expense account (FSA) for dependents with pre-taxed amounts for each pay cycle, and claim the expense of dependents while reducing your taxable income . You will also be able to claim the child or dependent care tax credit on your federal tax returns. Another approach is for you and your spouse to ask your parents to purchase Long Term Care Insurance as long as they are in good health.

5. "Do I have to pay my partner's debt?" Customers worried about rising interest rates or unpaid debts need to ask this question, especially if they are concerned that a partner's debt will affect their ability to get a good mortgage rate or commercial loan. These concerns are valid, but it is often unwise to repay a partner's debt. This can hamper your ability to eliminate your own debt, which can hurt your credit score. If you have children or plan to have them, a better strategy for the family support could be to save money for childcare or education. Breadwinners also need to think about retirement financing before committing to repaying their partner's debt. If you assume this expense for your partner, keep sufficient funds to cover your other needs.

There are far too many people who forget these issues, so be proactive about your finances and your marriage practice. A strong financial base can put in place the breadwinners and their spouses for a meaningful collaborative life.

Jaime Desmond is the managing director of Ladenburg Thalmann Asset Management (www.ltam.com), a subsidiary of Ladenburg Thalmann Financial Services. Cammie Sorensen is an affiliate advisor to Securities America (www.securitiesamerica.com), also a subsidiary of Ladenburg.