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It could be a brother or a sister. It could be a neighbor. It can be someone you work with. We probably all know someone who doesn’t wear a mask in public, even though it’s mandatory or recommended where you live.
The media quickly spotlight people who think it is their right not to wear a mask, such as #bunningskaren, or who become violent by expressing their objection.
But others can be persuaded, with the right approach.
So how do you know if it’s worth trying to convince someone to wear a mask? And what’s the best way to talk to them if you really want to make a difference?
Shout “Mask up!” at home will not work
People vary in how they perceive and tolerate risk, and in their physical and psychological vulnerability. So we may need to negotiate accepted behaviors, just as we did with HIV. Many of these conversations can be difficult.
We also need to be careful that our own emotions do not cloud the message we want to convey. For example, when we become angry, anxious, outraged, or fearful, the person we are trying to communicate with might not hear the message we wanted.
We might want to convey, “I want you to wear a mask when you take the train to see our father.”
But instead, the other person hears the message, “I think you are behaving badly and I am mad at you.”
Ironically, the pandemic makes this type of miscommunication more likely. When we are stressed or emotional, we are more likely to activate our bodies’ “fight, flight, freeze” mechanisms. It affects the way we communicate and how our communication is received.
If the refusal to wear a mask is to maintain a sense of control or is related to a sense of identity – for example, if someone considers themselves ‘not someone who fuss’ – then tell them to mask themselves. could make it defensive.
Becoming on the defensive makes people not only less willing to listen, but less able to collect information and / or to assess it with precision.
As a result, criticizing someone’s opinions – for example, that wearing a mask doesn’t work – can cause them to “disconnect” from what you are saying and stick more firmly to their own. beliefs.
So what is working?
To communicate well, we must prepare. The authors of the book Crucial conversations do you recommend asking yourself what you want to achieve as a result and whatever you want for the relationship between you.
The goal is to keep the relationship respectful and the lines of communication open, so that negotiations can continue as new pandemic situations arise.
You will not completely change someone’s beliefs or actions.
A better goal is to negotiate a change in behavior that minimizes the damage. It could be, “Do whatever you choose at other times of course, but could we agree that right now you wear a mask when visiting daddy?”
Respect, empathy, appeal to values
Identifying and respecting the values of others and finding common values reduces defensiveness and provides grounds for negotiation.
For example: “I can see how important it is for you to be skeptical, and I totally agree, especially since the evidence changes so often. But since the evidence clearly shows that even some young and healthy people can get seriously ill, could I ask you to wear a mask on our trip? “
Asking someone why they’re not wearing a mask, instead of telling them to wear one, is another useful tool. It is a chance for someone to be heard, which diminishes any defensive attitude.
There are many reasons people don’t wear masks. And hearing someone explain could be an opportunity to solve problems (especially if we ask how we can help and refrain from giving advice).
Compassion or empathy allows us to support the position of others while holding our own more firmly.
For example, thanks such as “I can understand! All these controls on our lives drive me crazy and a lot of them make no sense” or “I might be wrong and overreacting”, can help negotiate “please humor me and wear a mask, just on the train”.
Empathy can also help preserve the relationship while stressing a limit, such as: “Our relationship is so important, I really want to see you, and I hate to say this, but I cannot accept that you visit without a mask. , at least until there are fewer cases. “
How a non-judgmental approach can convince people
Evidence shows that certain groups of men – such as younger men, more politically conservative men, men with low health literacy, and men who subscribe to more traditional notions of masculinity – are among the most likely to resist wearing a mask.
Non-judgmental communication is as effective with men as it is with everyone else.
When Harvard professor Julia Marcus wrote about male anti-masks without shame or judgment, many men reached out to her, eager to hear her take on masks.
In a word
If we are nonjudgmental, empathetic, and clear about what we want to accomplish, we can rise above counterproductive reactions, such as jumping in to tell someone or dismissing someone’s concerns.
This allows us to be brave enough to tailor our communication to what the other person is able to hear, and for the other person to speak safely. This is when our communication will really work.
Claire Hooker, Senior Lecturer and Coordinator, Health and Medical Humanities, University of Sydney.
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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