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I am here to discuss the most important sporting history of our time: which player names are complete sentences?
It all began when, during the screening of several candidates for an escape for the NFL 2019 season, our own Stephen White referred to D.K. Metcalf while profiling David Moore.
D.K. Metcalf is a complete sentence, although crude. It may work more like a legend than prose, but it also made me think about what other sports names are complete sentences. I divided them into categories, starting with the one that best suits Metcalf, because he started this idea in a broken brain.
Legend this
This could stretch the concept of a complete sentence, but several names work as image legends, such as Herm Winningham, D.K. Metcalf, Adam Eaton, Mookie Betts, Stefon Diggs or Chris Mills.
Imagine a photo of a pitcher of the Braves working the hot plate, with the caption "Max Fried".
Your quiet friend finally opens his mouth: Breeland Speaks!
At the family reunion during the team selection, Adam Gotsis.
Stay simple
Many simple orders, such as Aaron Judge, Justin Smoak, Andrew Knapp, Paul Fry (or Jace Fry or Channing Frye), Joe Panik, Erik Swoope, Logan Cooke, Michael Gallup or Tyler Wade. Think of these names with a comma between the first name and the last name. They work better as sentences that way.
Ideally, the order fits the purpose of the sport. So, when the call of the San Francisco canoe is "Brandon Belt", the hitter knows exactly what to do.
When the Nationals official calls the office and says, "Sean Doolittle," Washington's relative knows he has the night.
Such mandates could be difficult to fulfill. We could tell Joe Biagini all day, but unless he can fulfill his wishes or fit into a bottle, it will not do us any good.
Others are patriotic, such as the November decree addressed to a recipient of giants: Stephen Vogt.
She needs the code to enter the building. Wyatt Teller.
We need more suckers for this Ponzi scheme. She looks like a rube. James Conner.
A talking TV head said something stupid to attract viewers and clicks? Tarell Basham
When you send a message to your younger siblings to discover the hidden Christmas presents: Charone Peake.
After telling a joke to your friend, JK Scott.
Sorry to interrupt you, sir. Kerryon Johnson.
Some orders are specifically followed, as at the 2018 World Cup when Denmark has fulfilled its goal against Ty France, future champion of the tournament.
When you need your group to get favorable treatment from a teacher or a boss, you can nominate a particular person to do it: Ryan Succop.
If you want to convey your love of real estate to your child: Courtland Sutton.
Ricky Seals-Jones seems worrying for poor Jones.
Sometimes, in a bee spelling, you hear a difficult word like pendeloque, so your opponent has an easy one when the overseer says "Omari Spellman".
Caveman talk
These are more fun if you imagine a barbarian wearing a loincloth beating his chest while they say it. Gross, but still effective:
Background needed
Phillip Gaines is descriptive, but does not tell the whole story. Who did he win and for what purpose?
Derrick favors but we do not know what. Is it good for chocolate strawberries, Coca-Cola Pepsi, Chick-fil-A Chicken Popeyes chicken sandwich?
Sammie Coates is close, but we need to know exactly what he is wearing. Maybe his house with a new coat of paint. Patrick Scales is also working in this direction.
We could say "Mike Love" but would not it be nice if we just had a little more information?
Baker Mayfield what, exactly? Maybe a playoff team in Cleveland, but the name alone is not enough to get that point back.
Detrez Newsome works almost too. I just wish his name tells us who or what he knew.
Others answer specific questions
Will someone take dinner on the way back? Trevor May or Dustin May.
What does a videographer do immediately after buying a new camera? Phil Maton.
You may think that some of these sentences are not real phrases, but Hunter Wood and Alex Wood. Christian Wood too.
Keep the best for last
As Vanessa Williams taught us.
Larry Fitzgerald will be in the Hall of Fame after his retirement, after a magnificent career that has earned him at least $ 160 million. He will not have to work another day of his life. But let's say he has a passion for sewing and one of his friends, Gerald, likes to wear tailored clothes.
It's the perfect match for me. But if Ryan Fitzpatrick chooses this way, I will certainly not stop him.
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