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Dear Amy, A friend of mine recently confided that she had a long-standing relationship with a member of our very united community. Nobody else knows it except me, but some people have had suspicions.
In order to give herself and to give her love space, she separated from her husband of more than 20 years for a few months. Although the guy did not answer as she hoped (and that relationship seems to have ended), her husband had a brief "adventure" – also with a person known to all.
Unfortunately, because of the small community and the vagaries of social media, everyone is aware of this case.
My friend uses his infidelity (and the inadequacy of his partner choice) to make him miserable. He wants to put all this behind them, continue to advise and go forward together. She extracts each pound of flesh that she can.
I am sworn to keep the secret on his indiscretion much worse, but I have trouble rubbing shoulders with one or the other. Help me! – White Nights in Chicago
Dear insomniacs, the lack of integrity of your friend is an end of friendship. Your choice to keep his secrets made you able to judge his behavior.
She tells you everything. So, you should tell him everything: "I do not like being in this position, I've lost all respect for you, I hope you'll fix everything, but pleas leave me out of it."
Dear Amy, I have a granddaughter of 6 years old. She is pretty, kind, intelligent, helpful and active with many friends. She has always been a difficult eater. She eats very little protein, hardly any vegetables, fruits, nuts and peanut butter, but consumes dairy products and plenty of salty snacks, breads, biscuits, sweets, health bars, etc. .
Her parents have tried to make her eat more nutritious food, but they continually give in to sweet and salty foods because they want her to eat something. They also buy her candies as often. She is obviously heavier than others of her age.
I've made some slight suggestions, but I'm not an expert. I do not want to make them feel that they are bad parents. I do not know if they asked their pediatrician.
I am worried about obesity, diabetes, children who make fun of her and other consequences of being overweight. Do you have any suggestions? Can you give me the words to talk to parents and give helpful tips? – Nana
Dear Nana, Your granddaughter is at the age of experiencing healthy education. Learning nutrition can be as simple as playing a game at the supermarket, learning to read the labels and choosing "whole foods" rather than processed foods. You can do that with her. Tell him to find some of his favorite foods and see if you can replace some of the processed foods with an equivalent product but with fewer ingredients. Do not force her to eat meat (dairy products, nuts, eggs and vegetables provide protein).
The best way for kids to learn about nutrition is to cook! The grandchildren cook with their "Nanas" since the dawn of time.
"Cooking" can be cut fruits and vegetables and arrange them in a fun salad. Cooking can include measuring the appropriate proportions of rice in the rice cooker's water, making healthy smoothies, or mixing an easy-to-prepare caramel sauce to dip apple slices. She can even make her own "health" bars.
You should not tell your granddaughter that she is fat, or will be, or that she is "chunky", "husky", "big bones", or any other iteration of this. You should not comment on the size or shape of his body. You need to focus only on healthy and positive choices and choose activities – in and out of the kitchen – that help you feel great, strong and in control.
Let your granddaughter take some of these healthy lessons from her parents. There are dozens of fun cookbooks for kids. My friend Mollie Katzen has written several authors. His latest issue is: "Salad People and Other True Recipes: A New Cookbook for Preschoolers and More" (2005, Tricycle Press). Let her choose her recipes, congratulate them and enjoy them.
Dear Amy, The recent letter of "LJ" in your column has dazzled me! I had never heard of the term "cat fishing" before. Do people really do that? – Ignorant
Dear Ignorant, "We fish", that is when people use the Internet to create completely false identities in order to trap unsuspecting people. It's basically an emotional scam. Yes, people really do that.
(You can contact Amy Dickinson by e-mail at [email protected].) Readers can send a mail to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" it on Facebook.)
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