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Dear readers: I moved away from Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited chronicles "best of" in my absence. All these questions and answers were published for the first time 10 years ago. Today's theme is: unhappy partners.
Dear Amy: Several years ago, I had a night stand with a married woman. I learned later that she had a child. DNA tests proved that the child belonged to me.
I feel horrible to know that there is a girl who is mine, but who loves another man who is not his biological father. I became a hermit and I am unhappy. The mother decided to empty the air now, six years later. She has lived a lie all this time, and I'm messed up knowing that I have a child that I may never know. Where are we going from here?
Desperate
Desperate: Where you go from here is directly to the truth. You know the old adage, "The truth will liberate you"? That's right, and you'll feel better when you're not lying. You should tackle this problem one step at a time and it would be best to do it with mentoring and support.
It would be very beneficial to see a counselor who could welcome you, listen and offer emotional support and professional advice. Your child is still young. It is not too late to establish a relationship with her. You also have legal and financial issues to consider. People who care about you will not judge you harshly, especially when they see you are trying to do what is right. You must tell the truth for the sake of your daughter – and for yours.
Dear Amy: My wife died seven years ago. Two weeks ago I was reading a travel journal she held in Europe for business. My wife and I were not married at the time, but we had been a couple for 12 years.
My wife was staying in a converted castle for a seminar with other officials. I read in her diary that one day she ate lunch and dinner with a man named Jerry. I was destroyed. I approached this issue with a few friends and relatives, and most women said the same thing, namely that it was only a lunch and a dinner party. a dinner.
I am sorry that she accepted the invitation at all. I know that I have no way of knowing the truth and I also have no recourse. I spoke to an old girlfriend to her who said my wife was a "one-man woman". Of course, I think – maybe one man at a time. Am I too critical?
Devastated husband
Devastated husband: Being angry, confused or upset is one thing. But when you start throwing accusations and innuendo about someone who can not defend his own reputation, you tip the scales and you seem irrational and even cruel.
I can think of several very reasonable explanations for your wife's actions. As her loving husband, your instinct should not be to jump to the hardest conclusion, but to assume the best of someone you have loved and who has likely loved you. You really have to get hold of it, but if you find yourself obsessed, still angry and you can not let go, consult a counselor.
Dear Amy: My husband has a friend with whom he can not separate. They talk on the phone and send text messages. The other day, he dropped a bottle of wine at home. What should I do?
He says that if I keep the house clean, he will stop seeing it.
Upset woman
Upset woman: His market offer means that he knows what he's doing is wrong and that he uses it as a means of pressure. Carmela Soprano reportedly told her husband, Tony, "I'm going to offer you a market – you can stop texting her and you clean the house." After explaining to your husband that his behavior was disrespectful and interfering with your marriage, Get busy Find ways to build your self-esteem through healthy activities Prepare to have a quiet conversation with your husband that begins with the following sentence: "Well, now that you've caught my attention, let's talk about our marriage."
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