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I do not know the Timashkov family well, so I am aware of the tragedy mainly through the media and social networks. What's she hanging in the context of other horrific stories that we read everyday in the news? In a sense, it is our mirror, which begins with the conflict between father and son and ends with a public outcry.
The story is known, it has not been the subject of special attention, perhaps not a media outlet. You can refresh your memory here or here. However, the reason she paid such attention is not only the attempt of a 14 year old son to kill his father, but also the name of his father. A man who one day woke up famous. The person who was admired, who was erected on a pedestal – and left happily. It's a very sweet temptation for the mbades to demystify an idol.
The story of Dmitry Timashkov, a marathon pushing wheelchair with a sick girl, the creator of the Wings of Angels team, has turned out to be a litmus test for the complexes of our society: indifference , suspicion and jubilation at the sight of the sorrow of someone else. Collectively, he was wrapped in an envelope of just anger. Anger directed against the one they tried to kill.
I'm going to make a reservation: I do not want a teenager to be punished severely – I'm for having softened the article, for a serious medical examination, for a good lawyer … His father insists that it's the same thing . (As far as I know, that's exactly why he decided to wake up the public – and to have paid for it.) It seems that benevolent people from our common virtual world – on the networks social media, on the forums and in Live Journal insist on it. Why do they break their spears with such a ring? Why virtual mouths in the air are toxic smoke and sparks of flame? Why so much malice?
And here is a terrible subject: we can no longer be united by a helper in difficulty. Only an enemy can unite us. Our way of life is to be friends against. In this particular case – against Timashkov Sr., he was only recently cured of six injuries inflicted on his back.
The majority of people involved are on the "right" side and are convinced that the good, as in the old Soviet poems, should be fist … In any case, the good that they sow, and not Timachkov .. .
Probably, to a certain extent, this conviction was shared by himself. Strict benevolence, parental education: you must – means you do. You are a young man, but a man who lives with his father and a sick sister, so you must be an badistant. The father demanded responsibility for his son and looked for him with harsh measures: a computer – an hour a day, a cell phone – in a box. We are so indignant at these measures that we do not wonder why the father deprived his son of these gadgets. Or maybe everything is trivial – and the point is in addiction to the computer?
We also know that once, three years ago, the father beat his son … But I will stop there in more detail in time.
It is possible that, given his father's love for his sick sister, the guy felt offended. And the second side, softened, in the shape of a mother was not – or rather, was, but far away. When a parent does not live in a family, being good is not very difficult. I do not judge the boy's mother, she has her own hell. His daughter's illness erupted. But she did not break her father – probably because he is such: he is stiff-necked, strong, demands the maximum of himself and asks his son: "You are a man". Probably, Dmitri himself was also brought up and he adopted this model.
Well, fourteen – that's not a man, let's say. But also not a child, because the indignant part of the society is crying now. A child almost as tall as my father. Would have been a little stronger – would have killed. And then we would have cursed the last words not of the living, but of the dead Dmitry Timachkov: he was not brought up, he fell on himself, he deserved it.
The guy is to blame? In response to this question, we hear a "no!" Unanimously. He has a public presumption of innocence. But since someone must be guilty, society renders a verdict almost equally unanimous: the father is guilty. It does not happen to us that both are to blame – or none.
Now everyone relishes Dmitry's old ticket on LiveJournal, where he described his son's punishment. Reading this is unpleasant and painful. Why did he describe it in LiveJournal? You can shut up and live in peace – all in white clothes. I think I understood. So he punished himself. It is repentance – and the public: I have committed an ugly act. This is the reason why it does not stop, but writes, knowing very well the readers' coming reaction.
What's other than self-hatred can be read in this short post? The fact that a person is clearly in the heat of the moment: he wants to stop and can not stop. That's bad? Yes Have you put a mine in their relationship? Probably. However, there is one sentence that readers have forgotten for some reason and that has been a trigger: Mom is lost somewhere and the teenage son said, "When I come, I will hurt him." What do we see as the ideal reaction of the ideal father? Then sit down and explain why it's not good to talk about mom, right? But at that moment, the person feeds the disabled girl, thinks about joining the two tips and worries if the missing woman lives … And so every day, many times – and without hope of outside help.
For Dmitri, we do not find extenuating circumstances. And in a situation where the son inflicts six wounds on the father, we find. And not just mitigate – justify it in our bright eyes.
Because he's only fourteen years old. And the father asks him "impractical" – to help at home. Admittedly, it was only beginning to seem impracticable: for teens of the recent past, helping a single father with a sick sister was the norm. And that was the norm to understand: life was such that you can not objectively be the center of your parents' universe. The only thing you can do is be with him. Be his friend and help. Probably for a while it was. And then – pereklinilo.
Older sister Lisa insists in an interview: Daddy has always been kind to all children. Yes, from a certain moment, the cell phone asked to hide it in a box, but they all went to the country house, swam in the lake, lit fires, went into cafes, went to marathons, laughed …
First, the son accompanied his father in charity marathons – they had a life together. Then the guy got tired of a life together – and he wanted his and, apparently, no worse than his peers. The problem is that the father does not have the opportunity to give it. He is not a stupid Buddha nor a millionaire: his LJ contains complaints about need, loneliness, impotence.
Something I did not see, the commentators were eager to help him, as now his son. "Wait," they say. And it's at best: at worst, "different, flap" …
You read what Dmitry writes – it becomes terrible: is it really the people with whom you walk in the same streets, you bow with some, and even communicate with some of the social networks? Are we so incapable of imagining ourselves in the same place: I am alone, my daughter is disabled and my son refuses to be with me?
The logic of the son corresponds to the logic of many modern adolescents: the father must provide me a good life. The son does not understand: the father is at an impbade, of which there were at the beginning only two solutions: to hand over Lilka, or even the two children, in boarding school or, clenched teeth, to work for the future: to make so that society and the state finally pay attention to people with disabilities. After all, Lily and the adult will be completely helpless …
The greatest fear of parents of such children: what happens to them when I die? And an option. Only boarding school, or, as we informally call it, "the house of psychochronics". They understand perfectly: if our "good society" is always inclined to help children in orphanages, disabled adults who live in much worse conditions are not. For this, Dmitry and participates in marathons, not to "promote" and "HYIP to catch". A means of action that gives the strength to continue to live and to do important work.
Of course, he hoped the girl had a brother. But you will not ask the same son to love his sister with the same dedication as you. And you can not order you to love yourself. It remains to emphasize the duties that all members of the family must fulfill. Dmitry wanted his son to become more mature, because in such circumstances it seemed natural to him. The son wanted to have a careless childhood, like many of his peers living in well-endowed families. This is also understandable.
My father was hoping: these are all transitional age issues, it will go beyond him, he will understand.
Is this the right approach? No answer If the tragedy had not occurred, if it had happened to the son and father, we would have said that the approach was justified – with the exception, of course , badault. But the tragedy happened – and those who admired Lilkin's "father" instantly turned the mercy into anger.
Did your son hit you six times with a knife? So, you are a villain. And we have also admired with you … it's essential. It's their own admiration that people will never forgive Dmitry. All the subconsciousness behind our "tolerant" behavior has crawled.
Well, this "bad father" of Dmitry is already a commonplace. And the interview of the eldest daughter of her first marriage is not an obstacle here. It is not seen at all. Nevertheless, the comments of common friends confirm the version of the older sister. Here's one: "Communicating with Dmitry's kids, I was surprised: these are the most interesting people I've talked to." Reading, with excellent musical taste, are very knowledgeable in science, biology, medicine. And that's the merit of Dmitry. "And one more thing:" Dmitry is very creative, he reads a lot, draws, loves history and tries to involve children. "
In light of this, the context of another accusation, which is projected to Timashkov's face, becomes clear: they say, he literally writes that I will simply not save. Surely liar, wrong. Where can you find literary turns when everything in your soul moves and turns around … And how should you write, when everything turns in your soul? Probably with the help of the land battle, which is used by many opponents.
In one of the articles, one detail struck: in the son's room are clbadic books, a ticket to the National Library. His essay was written in a good syllable and he also wrote "artistically" even about the upcoming murder of his father. Yes, and Lisa, his older sister, judging by the interview, the speech is very competent. You do not admit that in this family, just talk like this? Like in many families of my friends. Even if problems occur – we continue to say so, without swearing and inarticulate screams – whether on paper or in life.
I think Dmitry hoped that a son who grew up with good books would eventually understand his father, he will regret his sister. He did not take into account the fact that the time has changed and that the words "comfort", "success", "parents must ensure …" flock from all sides of the boy, etc. .
The helplessness of a parent who understands: a teenage son is insane, becomes a stranger … Have pity on us, none of you have lived – for a while, for years – such a feeling? But in the deepest conviction of the perpetrators, Dmitry had no right to this confusion, this confusion …
Can we even imagine how this family lives? Are we trying? No But we know very well what Dmitry should have and should not have done. He had to pay equal attention to the two children: healthy and helpless, without "forcing" his son. At the same time, he had to create a business to satisfy all his children's desires (not everyone is everything, but his son had a cell phone, a tablet and even a mountain bike). He had to create all the conditions for a comfortable life for him … He should run on marathons … oh no, he should not: after all, it distracts him from raising children. He should find a good "second mother" for the children, but God forbid, he should not meet a woman: the good fathers give themselves entirely to their children. He should not complain about social networks – we do not want to hear that. However, you are having problems and we will start collecting money. Not when Dmitry writes how difficult it is to make ends meet, no. There will be a tragedy – and now we will stand up in a united front, we will send parcels to imprisoned youth and the whole world will seek a lawyer for his son.
We know here a little good intentions with which the road is paved … The guy already has a lawyer, he appeared before the network scandal, and Dmitry found him. As he is a victim and therefore has no right to sign papers, the contract with the lawyer was concluded by the mother of the child Olga. The lawyer is in constant communication with his client and his parents.
So why is the feverish search for a lawyer and a fundraiser for him? And then, to show: the father has retired and is not trying to requalify his son's article for a lighter article.
They also write about textbooks, products, parcels: they also collect money for them. The son has textbooks, the school gave them to him. The family regularly buys him books and food. Do you know, those who sincerely want to help? Although the help from the camp does not hurt either, it has nothing to do with the title "your father is a nonhuman, and we are your true friends". Perhaps you should contact Dmitry and finally ask what kind of help you need? Although it should have been done years ago, and do not write "hang in there" or "what else, you are a man!"
Why do you need to drive an even bigger corner into the family wound and turn it around? Someone – because they do not know the situation and trust the fiery calls to fight the evil. And to someone – be holier than the pope. Or just this particular father?
As soon as a living suffering occurs, the reproaches of "HYIP" and "PR" immediately follow. For whom is it HYIP and PR? For Dmitry, or for those whose names have now surfaced in connection with the stormy activities of his defamation, reaching savagery? According to our ideas, a person who runs marathons with a sidecar should be a monument to herself, and not a living, flesh-and-blood. I stumbled upon him all the worst, now everything will go to the piggy bank, everything will come out, bad him! The son is not finished – then we will finish him.
There is nothing worse than the crowd – real or virtual. Because in the heat of the common struggle, people create and say what they would never do separately. But this same "whole" fuels their sense of accuracy: as we are many, we can not be wrong … And you can. And the sooner you realize it, the better for your son, for whom you fight.
What does this tragedy mean to me? Monstrous imbalance of generations. What he thinks in the categories of "duty", "self-help", "masculine", "sacrifices on the altar of the family" and is ready to embody them all his life, using the lives of loved ones . And the second – which grows in the sense of lack of emotion and comfort …
The older generation is convinced of the value of life – the youngest feel their life and that of others as a chain of random coincidences. The elder understands that death is eternal, the youngest … I do not know, maybe he thinks that everything can be rewound, as in the quest for alternative scenarios? But all these badumptions. I do not know what was going on in the soul of a son. I only know that he felt bad, like his father, but they overcame this "evil", not together, but separately. There is no "good" and "bad" victim in this story. The victims are both father and son. And those who are able to think should finally do it.
However, until now, the "badistants" are doing everything so that the guy who tried to kill his father feels like a hero. And for the other boys, who accumulate irritation and resentment towards adults, see: there are many people who will give such an act a romantic aura. They will support, send good letters and good parcels … However, this is temporary: another problem will occur: the young man will be forgotten and his family will be at his side – his family.
So, it turns out that you can not help your son? No He needs help. But otherwise. Do not collapse with pity for him. Do not glorify his act. Do not write messages to him with the conviction of his father, unless, of course, you want to be consistent and the boy is integrated into your career. No? So, remember: these two will have to live together and, by pushing the corner of hatred into the soul of a teenager, you will only suffer additional suffering for both. We must help, but with the father and not to hurt him. Do not pretend that lifting the knife does not matter – and not lifting it yourself.
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