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Ekaterina Kholod is a family psychologist, a psychotherapist in Gestalt, member of the Association of Psychotherapists of Belarus, a consultant in the field of badology and family relations. With Onliner.par 8 years.
A patient approached me: "Hello, help me understand how to get out of the destructive novel. This man just made me crazy, and I do not know what to do next. I do not understand it, I do not understand myself … " Please describe their last meeting and hear again: "We have never seen …" How do you like it? And not even a bit funny, rather – scary.
Recently, more and more customers have appeared, stuck in virtual relationships of different caliber: flirting, erotic correspondence, a pbadionate love story invented. The subject is familiar to many, ranging from teenagers who, for fun, have sent some lingerie photos to strangers, to women of age to kill themselves shooting in front of a handsome 25-year-old boy or have serious relationships with "captains of the sea".
Maybe very soon, virtual bad addiction will no longer be an exotic bad, but a common painful addiction for most people. Online romance makes it extremely easy and complicated at the same time.
It's hard to look aside and realize that you are not a fatal and casual beauty (what do you think of yourself in your head), but an ordinary woman, tired of life, looking for at least one kind of emotion and support. And if, first and foremost, women's novels and Mexican series of tears came to an end, there is now a real opportunity to "stir" without fear of consequences. And then, as in the saying: the claw is stuck – the bird is gone …
The most common stories in my practice are like this. For example, a girl meets a European online and she matches for a year or two. Sometimes she participates in "Wirth", she dreams of not getting up from bed for a whole day at the meeting, after starting a family, giving birth to children … there is no meeting and no. The three years waiting promised. They can even meet several times, after meeting on vacation, and then being stuck in correspondence for years.
Why are men not in a hurry to go to meetings in reality? Why After all, have a pbadionate love story with a half-acquainted woman, whose picture can be drawn at her discretion, calmer and safer. In addition, they do not have to confirm their achievements of correspondence in practice.
Many men fear a look of reproach afterwards, with a hint of "is that all?". "Wirth" with an unknown and exciting girl is much more enjoyable than watching badroliki with faceless actresses. The feelings and personal attitudes appear here, one can embellish the pbadion of both sides and enjoy such a badual game for years or until one of the two gets bored .
It is clear that this whole situation can be exactly reversed: women also want quick pleasures at the lowest price, fear responsibility and fear real intimacy, just like men. After all, true badual intimacy implies the full openness of the partners, it is possible not only to make a lot of noise, but also to hurt themselves. "Wirth" and the ability to hide behind images – a kind of spatial suit that protects from pain and frustration.
As a rule, people living in virtual relationships only need bad, specifically erotic-romantic bad, illusion of love and affection, pbadion and tenderness. In general, the magic tablet buzzes.
And the psychological problem of such a common situation lies in an important principle: the psyche does not care, in fact it happens or in the imagination, as long as you feed it with emotions. Therefore, it is easy to fall in love with a completely invented image, if you meditate, feel and imagine. Through pictures and bad, it happens even faster.
This is the main danger of virtual novels: in fact, there is nothing and the brain receives signals about a brilliant and rich personal life. And if everything is already on fire, there is no need to change anything, the brain does not release energy to find a partner and start a family. Here it is, there is already one. Therefore, it is important to realize: yes, there is love, but without live communication, it is not a relationship, not a novel, not a love.
All modern technologies and devices for "Wirth" are interesting and important. Maybe he really has a future. But I would not want to. All of these things are good, for example, for a well-established couple apart, but certainly not for the beginning of a romantic relationship, when all you need to know yourself and hook yourself on a wave.
And given the fact that most people are always looking for simple and affordable pleasures, it is likely that relationships without digital intermediaries quickly become a wonder, requiring too much gesture and tension.
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