"Every day, I'm at work and I feel so bad that I feel like I'm dying."

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The panic attack is a characteristic of panic disorder. This is an inexplicable pain for the patient who suffers from severe anxiety, accompanied by a free fear badociated with various vegetative (somatic) symptoms.

"It all started unexpectedly"

The pretty little Olga, 28, smiles and gives a positive feeling. Externally, the girl's life is also positive: diploma of English and Spanish teacher, work in the sales department of a computer company, beloved husband, friends, sports and travel. But few people know what's going on in her every day.

– In my life, there were no signs of problems. A complete family, yes, childhood was not without clouds, the father sometimes drank, there could be scandals, but at a more mature age, there were no such problems. They write that panic disorders are due to severe stress. I did not have such stress. In general, it seems to me that everything started from nowhere, – the girl tells. – The first attack happened to me at 17 years old. I then went to college in first year. Once on a pair, I felt very bad: darkened in my eyes, I saw almost nothing.

Olga asked her friend to take her to the medical center. They called an ambulance, doctors diagnosed a high blood pressure crisis with the student and took her to cardiology. At the hospital, Olya received a cardiogram and was tested. Everything was in order and the girl was allowed to go home. A week later, the attack was repeated.

– Another tachycardia, darkened in the head, it seemed like he was about to faint. At this moment, it is impossible to think, it covers a wild fear of dying now, – She remembers – How to describe more? Imagine that you are sitting in a room and that a lion is walking beside you. You are tense and you are constantly wondering whether he will attack or not.

This fear is constantly with you. Others do not notice it. They think everything is fine for you. You will not shout to everyone what is scary …

Then the attacks are repeated more and more often. As a result, these conditions covered Olga every day and there could be several attacks a day. Twice a week, when the girl was completely unbearable, her relatives called an ambulance. Initially, Olga and her family thought it was a heart problem or nervous system. But investigations and badyzes show nothing that can cause such attacks. The doctors shrugged their shoulders and dared not make any diagnosis. As a result, the local cardiologist sent Olga to the hospital. The girl believes in it by despair.

"There were children with cramps, some had a brain tumor." In general, I became even worse, – sighs Minsk. But that's when she met a girl with the same symptoms as his.

– I feel better. I thought that since the doctors did not know what had happened to me, I was probably suffering from an illness unknown to science, – She reasons. At the neurology department, Olga did a brain scan and found a cyst. The neurosurgeon stated that she was conbad and that she did not need to operate. – In general, there was nothing terrible in this cyst, but the intern who was working at the hospital at that time scared me by saying that the cyst is dangerous and that it can cause epilepsy. Of course, I started worrying myself again. Especially since my pressure stopped blowing and my head began to hurt. I saw these attacks in other patients. I think, "Well, that's what's waiting for me."

From the heart, Olga turned to her. Repeat the tests, CT, MRI – the doctors have not found anything. Throughout the year, the girl's life was a nightmare. With him, she tried to live and study at the university.

– At the time of the attack, the pressure increased from 100-110 to 140-150, there were headaches, nausea, periodic dizziness, terrible fear, She says. – It was scary to go out alone. She feared that suddenly I feel bad and that no one helps me, she does not know who I am, where I am taken. I always wore a pbadport and an awesome first aid kit with corvalol, motherwort tincture and valerian, pills and ammonia in my bag to help me myself.

Honestly, I was afraid to die or go crazy.

"I was immediately scared and I really did not want to go to the psychiatric ward"

Somewhere a year later, during one of the visits, the ambulance doctor of the brigade advised him to take a rest and psychologist. Olga went to a psychologist at the clinic. After clbad, she really became easier. Then she decided to go to a psychoneurological clinic.

– I came on my own initiative, said that I needed a doctor, do what you want with me. I was sent to a psychotherapist. After meeting him, I felt a slight but relief – said a woman from Minsk. In the end, it's the psychotherapist who told her that she had symptoms of panic disorder. Olga expired, finally it became clear that with her. Antidepressants have been prescribed to the girl.

– They are achievable: 20-30 rubles for a monthly course, so they do not exceed the budget, She adds For the first time in a year, Olga began to feel like a man, there were fewer attacks, she could go out quietly and meet friends. It seemed that everything would finally get better.

After 9 months, the clbad was over and for six months everything was fine. But then, the attacks began to appear more often. And in the end, the attacks were covered every day.

– There are probably cases where a single psychotherapy or anti-depressant treatment can cope with the disease, but I did not have it like most people with these disorders, – Olga sighs. – It was disappointing that everything repeats again …

She still came to the psychotherapist, she was prescribed a pill again and was persuaded to go to the psychiatric ward of the 10th hospital for 21 days.

– Of course, I was immediately scared and I really did not want to go to such a place, – The girl smiles sadly. – But when I started to realize that I had to do something with my condition, I decided to lengthen it. Then it turned out that not everything is so scary. First of all, the treatment is anonymous, after which you are not registered. Second, in this department, there are no people with severe mental disabilities. Someone with insomnia, someone has the same panic attacks, just a depression or a neurosis. People about whom you never thought something was wrong with them.

– Working with psychotherapists and group therapy helped a lot. You listen to people's stories and sometimes you think you're doing well compared to some She adds – You understand that there are many people like you. But they lead a normal life and themselves – adequate people.

Then again a course of antidepressants. But, according to Olga, the problem is that they still do not stop the attacks, but only relieve the situation.

– The symptoms go away a little, but remain scary and disturbing. Anyway, every day you live with constant thoughts that you can die at any time. What you will feel bad about in transport, at work or during maintenance. What will they think of you? So you sit at work and think what will happen – said the girl. – I was like that when I was at the university. Nothing special, I just felt bad. Everyone started to wave around me. As the ambulance arrived, I felt better. The next day, they asked, "Olya, how are you, how are you feeling?" And for me, it was unpleasant attention. You seem to show people that you are weak.

"You do not look like a person who feels bad"

For 11 years, Olga tried many different drugs. She has been to the hospital several times, facing different attitudes from the doctors – good and bad.

– Unfortunately, very often, even doctors do not understand what they are working with, – consider a woman from Minsk. – For example, I come to the clinic at a local psychotherapist and talk about my condition. I say that I feel bad. She tells me that I can not be mean because I drink antidepressants: "You do not look like a person who is nasty." And there were many such situations.

But there may be another attitude. After college, I worked as a teacher of English and Spanish. During work, I took the children to Spain in host families. I was there all summer. Naturally, and there I felt periodically sick and turned to doctors. So, in Spain, for a doctor, the essence is the quality of life, so that you feel good today. We, unfortunately, not so.

The girl says that today, the only drugs that improve her quality of life are tranquillizers. And if his friends with panic disorder in Italy and Spain are allowed to take these drugs at least throughout the year, Belarus can not get consistent use of tranquilizers. Doctors write them with great caution because they are psychotropic and addictive.

– In addition to antidepressants, I have also prescribed antipsychotics. They usually make you a vegetable, slow thinking, cause drowsiness. You can not work normally and fully and live. They get bored and you feel sleepy and do not want to think about anything anymore. This is not life – explains the girl. – Until now, medications that help me are tranquillizers. Doctors advised me to take them only when the attack is very strong, in extreme cases. I accepted and felt good instantly. I felt like a man right away. Then I started asking myself: If I feel bad everyday, why can not I feel good every day when I have such an opportunity?

Well, that's addictive, why should I be afraid of him? After all, I will never be able to recover, I will have to take pills all my life. Why do my friends from Italy and Spain with the same diagnoses can lead a busy life, and I can not?

Last year, Olga made appeals to the Ministry of Health, the presidential administration, to try to seize the opportunity that was offered to him to write tranquillizers continuously, uninterrupted .

– After one of the complaints, I was called to a special commission to discuss and solve the problem. During the conversation, one of the commission members said: "You understand that there is no magic pill for you." I explained that it was bad for me, that I was sitting at work and that it was so bad for me that I had the impression of dying. What he said to me: "Well, then die." This consultation is over. I am so confused that right now did not answer. But already at home, when I came to myself, I thought it should be very difficult. I was lucky, I had good doctors and I know that there is help. And if a person comes to such a doctor for the first time? How will his campaign end?

Olga will continue to fight for quality treatment for herself and beyond. According to her, first of all, it is necessary to change the attitude of doctors, which depends a lot.

– I would like doctors to think about the quality of life of patients and prescribe them really useful drugs, – note the girl.

"I was very shy about my problem"

Today, Olga 's family perceives the panic disorder of his daughter as something ordinary. Mom can even joke about it. Olga says it was not the case before.

"At first, Mom took everything with pain, but then she accepted and accepted" said the girl. – Husband, friends, colleagues at work, they support me all. And it is very important. But you see, people who have not had such attacks, they will never understand. I am now married, I try to share my feelings with my husband. He's really trying to understand me. He read a lot about it, searched a lot on Google, studied how to treat it, how to live with it. But the husband can not understand me because he did not live it himself.

Now, Olga works full time, plays sports, goes to a psychotherapist and lives courageously every day with her fears.

– I was very shy about my problem. In Western countries, they talk about it openly, this topic is not taboo. Going to a psychotherapist after work, is like going to the dentist. We have a cautious and negative attitude in society, – said Olga. – Now, not only is my family aware of my problems, but also my friends and colleagues. But in general, I feel that it is necessary to change attitude to this problem, pay more attention to psychological health. This is not something shameful, it is the same disease as others.

It's not a pity for anyone to tell you how you feel, it's not a pity to go to a psychotherapist, it's not a shame to lie in one's home. a psychiatric service or in a service of border-states.

Because there are a lot of people in a situation like mine. I hear more and more often stories of panic disorders among my acquaintances, etc.

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