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Polina Yakovleva – reader of Onliner.by for more than 10 years. I managed to trample on half of Europe and several interesting countries on other continents. I found more of an adventure to my sharing. He continues to stubbornly believe that freedom and personal space are worth it.
I was 16 years old and, one way or another, I talked about life with a married woman of about forty years old. . I do not remember exactly where the conversation started, but he ended up with a sentence that sat in my restless head for a long time. "My dear, ," she said, you are going to get married, and when your husband begins to walk, do not open your mouth a lot. Take a walk and come back, for them, it's like going to a latrine ". And so: not "he's starting to walk", but "when he starts to walk". I was then a teenager, and I only knew the love and relationships that a boy I know does not like me, because I'm fat, but this woman's statement it seemed unfair and offensive. I've started feeling resentment and telling him that in movies it's not the same as loving a womanizer is disgusting and all in that spirit. My interlocutor smiled condescendingly and added that a woman should be wiser and that when she grows up I will understand everything. I therefore took cognizance of the concept of "wisdom of women".
Grew up. Married never made, went through some serious novels, a couple of not very serious. Female wisdom is not added to the gram. Now, I'm looking at the second wave of divorce among my peers and I'm slowly getting out of what's called adult life. For the wisdom of "do not open your mouth" was added with a couple of similar dozens. Guru pickup and family relations send letters with promises to correct my thinking and organize my personal life for a certain amount of money. Podruzhenki, who was still a college student, married, then divorced, then went out again and now knows exactly how to live. The older generation suggests that "the clock is turning" and is interested in the state of my uterus. Instagadals are striking on the profile and such types of "I'm going to bewitch-I'm going to turn away, I'm going to take off the crown of celibacy". And literally everyone gives advice that no one has asked them.
There are people in the world that I could even pay for consultation. But according to the law of Soviet malice, they will question the figs, and not because they are mean and harmful. And just ask: "How can I live like you? Give it to me!" And he or she spreads his hands distractedly and mumbles something like: "Yes, that's it arrived one way or another. "
Well, now I know what treason is. Not a husband, of course, but the feeling is also Strangely enough, in due time I listened to the advice or advice of this woman and "did not open my mouth" because good wisdom . However, the effect was ambiguous. I've saved the relationship for a while, but, taking advantage of the opportunity, I would like to ask wise women: what do you do with that feeling, when at first sad, then I cried , then started to consider me ugly, look out the window longer, emaciated magically and became really ugly, constantly struggling with the desire to pribuhnut and other things, and other things? Or how, wise women are like the water of a duck? Depression, complexes, at least a hurt pride?
For some reason, traditional feminine wisdom, characteristic of our culture, comes down to enduring, silencing, forgiving, saving, healing, warming, holding and all in that spirit. And it's all the fact that a normal woman, if you treat her normally, in fact, without moralizing, will behave this way. And if the husband or boy behaves like a goat for a long time, this feminine wisdom is transformed into a kind of crazy and ruthless masochism. Thank God, although the wisdom of "beats – means love" had already been discredited as best as they could, it was necessary to write a rebuttal to the Criminal Code.
One can forgive treason and in general no matter what. Especially if you like to shake in your knees. But this whistle of dopamine will end sooner or later, and will still have to leave on the respect and cooperation. And where to get them, if afterwards you do not forgive shit not because your faithful have tried to regain the trust, but simply because you are wise?
"Do not open your mouth" is actually a very good advice, if you take it as "not hysterically, but sit down, talk, find out what their plans for life, and then – depending on the situation. "But in my opinion, to perceive this sentence as" closing the eyes to everything, enduring thirty years, retiring "is a kind of madness.
In general, the older we get, the more we talk about Walk in the minefield Well, for example, me, like many single women under the "tridtson," often ask a question like "why are not you still married?". And then it is important to understand that a truthful answer to this question (if it exists at all) will cause the interlocutor either resentment or bored appearance. Because such a question is asked by those who want to advise you something, or by those who do not care about anything, as long as there are no annoying breaks.
I chose the right answer for a good while and I stopped elegant: "They do not call." Up to now, it seems to me, it's an ideal option. If you are dealing with a single acquaintance and answer the "do not call" message, she says something like "and do not speak, mother" and translates the subject. If you are married, you have a nice look and poorly concealed notes of superiority in your voice. That is, it turned out, and pleased the man, and did not seem to lie.
But once the system has collapsed, and in response to my "no call" I've stolen "if pregnant." Another favorite of my life. I did not think it was still popular, but it was like that. I did not even ask about the technical component of this scam, but I only noticed that now the 21st century and pregnancy, it seems, have ceased to be the reason for the wedding. But my seemingly adequate companion said that "if a man is honest and noble, he will marry you." I then said nothing, but I thought: why, from the point of view of the universe, an honest and noble man, a woman who quietly pierces condoms? I am not referring to anything. Well, it's simple
"It's Necessary to Educate Your Man", – A familiar friend was telling me by flapping eyelashes. My mood was good, and I directly presented how she told a great man with a psyche formed: "Who is a bad boy?" However, she had no "his man", so I suggested starting with Labrador
That's all I'm kidding, of course. Whatever the case may be, female wisdom is as old as the world, and it still works well: it is men who marry at the planned "zalet", like "stupid people", they really appreciate when their eyes are closed on their provoking jambs rather primitive. The world is built on that. Myself, perhaps one day I will resort to such methods.
Only the historically developed substitution of the concepts m mean annoys me. All these wisdoms and feminine logics have nothing to do with true wisdom and logic, which, as we know, are neutral and almost useless in everyday life. All of the above is a strategy, sometimes helpful, sometimes frankly destructive, and, what is most fun, to apply it successfully, you really need to have seriously trained brains.
As for the counsel of caring aunts, for now, if I suddenly meet a 16 year old girl and I need to insert my five cents, I can advise something like: "If you rush to an important meeting, do not brush your teeth while you wash, and do not even ask why." In my opinion, everything is more useful than telling a teenager that adult life, you will not have to rely on monogamy.
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