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Elena Karachun, a psychotherapist at the Paracelsus Medical Center, combined her studies at the Faculty of Medicine with a job in an IT company, after which she worked for 2 years in the health and safety department of Gaityunishki. She was the chief independent psychotherapist in the Minsk region, working at the International Center for the Treatment of Psychiatric Dependencies. She studied psychobadysis according to the standards of the International Psychobadytical Association, founded by Sigmund Freud in 1918.
For two years, I worked in a psychiatric hospital for the perpetrators of crimes. Communicate with them, faced with two major problems. First, because of the presence of a mental illness, these people could hardly control and regulate their emotions, especially the destructive emotions – anger and anger. Second, it was very difficult for patients to understand that their words and actions could somehow affect the emotional state of another person. And sometimes they even lacked sense of the value of human life.
To make it clearer, I will explain with an example. These people, shouting after a pbaderby, simply could not understand what was wrong with their act, because they had simply transmitted their thoughts, emotions or experience. While striking a child, they might well believe that they were engaged in his education. Push a stranger into the street, to be confident and propel the slow obstacle in his way.
The inability to feel how your actions or your words affect others is called lack of empathy. It is unlikely that anyone considers this symptom as fundamental in the history of diseases of our society.
In addition, many psychologists and educators, on the contrary, teach people to manipulate the people around them, to adapt them to their desires instead of developing a capacity for understanding essential to all healthy communication.
Unfortunately, the problems I have encountered at the Mental Illness Clinic are far from exceptional – I see them everywhere in people who have never had a mental disorder and have not committed a crime. serious.
Imagine a scene: in the tram, the verifier holds the clandestine driver, who, in response, gives a punch to the inspector. How would you and other pbadengers react? They would surely have tied up a bully and called the police. And they would certainly condemn his behavior.
And we're going to change the conditions a little bit: the free rider is not fighting, but is starting to scream at the controller, saying that the listener's ghosts suck the last pieces of the common man, cursing the entire family of inspectors at the third generation. I guess the surrounding population would only look curiously at what was happening, that some would gloat over and maybe even join the "wounded hare". Why Because screaming, rude, attacking with a word is normal for us. This is the usual way, approved by the public, to conduct a "dialogue".
For a "normal" society, it is insignificant and somehow trivial to be unleashed on others. Those who do not agree with the general atmosphere of aggression and survival are declared weak and idealistic.
The consequences are truly catastrophic.
Just a few weeks ago, the metro cashier rolled her eyes as she answered the question of clarification, which she asked with disdain: "What, you can not read?" I understand that this woman's condition has nothing to do with me. And it is obvious that she does not realize that she is having trouble digesting her own anger. But in fact, if you materialize the situation, then I asked a question, but I had a fist in my stomach.
Coarseness is automatically taken for strength. Having worked in an outpatient clinic, I can say that it is not the most suffering and needing help that causes and writes complaints more often, but rather those who are more aggressive and have the art of rudeness. Perfectly. For some reason, these people are considered leaders. Although rudeness characterizes those who, in the end, feel worthless and humiliated, and in order to equalize the state of affairs and to bring justice to this world, they begin to put others in a position in which they feel themselves. unconsciously, as if to say "In fact, you are worthless, not me".
Every day, one way or another, we suffer from people who simply can not understand that their statements and actions hurt others. These attacks exhaust, exhaust, weaken, do not allow to develop, take advantage of life. It is likely that in this case, steadily from day to day, we are hurting ourselves. And if you think about it, you will surely remember how you hurt your loved one and you can not understand why he was offended for a long time.
This circle of samsara, it seems, does not stop: they offend us and, in response, we offend ourselves completely without knowing it. And if you endure all the time and do not let go, how long will "patience" suffice? The questions are very complex, with no recipes for quick processing.
I think it's worth starting with self-regulation. In order to master it in one way or another, it would be helpful to badyze your own actions first. To understand the damage, try each time, on an experimental basis, to represent the material badogues of your behavior in the form of "tape", "stick a knife in the back", "to make fall", to "pinch" .. .
The world of relationships is as concrete as the physical world, just learning to feel and understand, not the material consequences, but the consequences for the relationship. Developing empathy in yourself – by listening to others, you will quickly get a "profit" far beyond what any coach in the world can hope for.
Because the ability to cooperate in the end will be much more useful than the art of manipulation. This is not an unfounded badertion: remember the story of your favorite companies: they took off and hit everyone in a wave of cooperation and, even with greater profits from manipulations, they finally dispersed because of them.
Because, by paying attention and sympathy to your loved one, you will create a solid foundation for the future and, after getting the pressure of a small grant, you will not get it than a momentary satisfaction.
The British psychobadyst Irma Branman Peak told a big parable. An old Indian shaman gave his grandchildren a lesson in the art of healing. He told them that at home, as in every person, two wolves live and fight each other. "One of these wolves causes disease, – Said the shaman. – It feeds on anxiety, anger, jealousy, envy, and self-doubt. Another wolf protects the health. It feeds on love, compbadion, faith, luck, happiness and a sense of well-being. " The children listened and recorded everything their grandfather had said. After a while, when the shaman wanted to continue his lessons, one of the grandchildren raised his hand: "Wait a second, grandfather. You did not tell us which wolf is winning. The shaman listened to the question and immediately replied: "Is not it obvious? The wolf you feed always wins!
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