Celebrate Jeff Bezos’ big day in space with a $ 69 miniature rocket

Capitalism is all about distributing wealth fairly on the basis of hard work and personal merit, which is why Jeff Bezos earns in 20 seconds what the median American worker earns in a year. He’s just so much better than you!

Fortunately, Jeff is also a super soft guy who is totally grounded and knows how to use his wealth to help people. For example, he spent billions on a tourist trip to space aboard a cock-shaped rocket that I personally found very cold. Of course, some people say the trip was a huge vanity project; a colossal pissing contest between selfish and morally blind billionaires whose pocket change could save countless human lives with as much intrinsic value as theirs, but to this I say: stop being such a disappointment, man !!

Image: Estes model

If, like me, you want to celebrate Mr. Bezos’ big day in space, then I have what you need: a 1 / 66th scale model of the New Shephard rocket priced at 69, $ 99. Yes, that’s right: it’s a miniature rocket that costs $ 69, which means the noise you can hear right now is the market’s invisible hand making wanking motions behind your back.

And okay, so while I’m obviously not personally enlivened by the vast inequalities of wealth that Jeff Bezos embodies, I’m still a nerd who thinks rockets and space are very cool. And for that reason, it’s my job to point out that Estes Rockets make all kinds of models that you can outfit with little ballistic packs and shoot in the air, which seems like a really fun way to spend an afternoon. . I mean, rockets even have little parachutes built into the nose cones that deploy in the air to make them float safely for goodness sake! It’s brilliant.

The Blue Origin rocket (which we spotted via Gizmodo) costs $ 69.99 on its own, but you can also pay $ 109.99 for a full starter set that includes a single-use launch pad, controller, and motor pack. The rocket is released on November 1, but you can pre-order now. He’s almost certainly the closest to going to space like Jeff.