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This story is told by her protagonist, who preferred to remain anonymous but feels the need to share her experience with people in their situation and those around them, as she says herself at the end of these . She says things can always improve. And sometimes it's about getting to know each other better, knowing the support you need and finding the right person.
Your testimony collected Kate Leaver collaborator of BBC Three, a space dedicated to the BBC young.
I have a schizoaffective disorder.
This affects each person differently, but for me it is a kind of mix between schizophrenia and bipolar disorder .
This means that I have paranoia and psychosis of schizophrenia, as well as all the anxieties and lows that cause a mental health disorder.
I am now 41 years old and my diagnosis was made only ten years ago, despite the fact that I had already lived with him a good part of my life without knowing it.
Affective schizophrenia is a disorder that affects less than 1% of the population and tends to suffer more women than men. The symptoms, in the same way as what happened, usually begin in the early years of adulthood.
Just at an age when you start having your first date and first boyfriend. It was a really complicated step for me.
First episode
I was in love for the first time when I was 15 years old. My first boyfriend was an adorable boy, we were friends at school but our relationship was very complicated because I was suffering from depression and I was suffering from anorexia.
We broke up after four years because he had gone to college, even though we were still friends. 19659007] But my first psychotic episode really happened at 20 years old.
I fell in love with a guy from the United States who I met at a music festival. After writing to us for six months, I decided to go visit him and stay with him for a while.
I was very clear about my mental health problems, I told him I was taking antidepressants and that it was very friendly to me.
Upon my arrival in the United States, I stopped taking medication . I was in love and happy, so I had hoped that my depression would disappear forever.
But after a few months, I started to notice the effects of not taking the drug. There was a week during which I had several psychotic epidemics. I could not eat or sleep. I started having hallucinations and paranoia.
I do not know how to describe it, it was as if I were asleep and awake at the same time. It's like living in a nightmare .
I had the impression that everyone was looking at me and talking behind my back. I started to hear voices and I badumed people on the radio were talking to me. It was scary.
Fortunately, the one who was my boyfriend at the time also supported me a lot. I did not panic if I said something strange and if I took the trouble to let me see what was real or not.
A decade in the hospital
Despite his understanding, we both realized that my mental health status was not good and he had to return home to the UK to see a doctor
He drove three states to fly. At the same time, my mother was going to the same airport to be able to travel with me home
to overcome the hours of travel they had given me sedatives . I have slept all the flight, I got off the plane and I still slept a little more.
The American boy and I stayed in touch for a few more years
After this relationship, I did not have an appointment with anyone . For ten years, I attended the hospital and I went out with her, so it was really not the right time to have a romantic relationship.
It was then, at age 30, that doctors finally gave a name to what was happening to me. He had a schizo-affective disorder .
He tried to throw me to the outside of the car
The diagnosis was really a relief.
He finally had something against which to fight . it is until I know what happened that I could find the support I needed.
I began to take my love life seriously. I registered on several websites and dating sites on the Internet and I went out with many idiots, like all of us.
I remember a guy who had told me that he wanted to sleep with me immediately after meeting us in a cafeteria. He burst into tears when I said no
Then I met a man who tried to throw me to the outside of the car when I told him talked about my illness We had met a few weeks ago and we had always had very good meetings. When one day we went for a ride in his car, I decided that the moment was right to tell him my story.
He was really scared. He called me crazy several times and then asked me to get out of the car. I told him that the car was driving but he was so angry that he kept asking me to leave.
Of course, I never saw him again.
A new life …
Since then, I have worked very hard to protect myself
I have been prescribed two antipsychotic drugs that I never forget to take because I know what happens when I do not I do not .
I have maybe five or six episodes like the one I had in the United States, but Fear and Anxiety I have to fight every days .
When people know how to see me beyond the diagnosis and understand who I am, they do not go away terrified. If that happens, it's more because that person does not really understand what a schizo-affective disorder is, not because I scare people.
That is why I knew that I had to find enough mature minded ] couples and sure of themselves to understand my situation.
I have neither the time nor the patience to go out with someone who can not give me what I need.
Probably the hardest for me was loneliness . I was single in my twenties in my thirties, when most people start dating.
It was difficult, but I am also happy to have had the time to work on my mental health. What I have learned and still learn today is that I deserve to be loved .
… and a new love
I met my boyfriend three years ago now. [19659007] He proposed to help me with a movie I was working on and one night we had a romantic walk along the cbad. I started to have paranoia and I thought I was going to throw myself into the cbad .
I told him what was happening to me and he badured me that he was not going to do anything that I imagined. That's how we ended up having a conversation about my mental health. He was so affectionate that I realized that it was worth living in my life.
We do not live under the same roof and we live very separate lives, but we love each other and what we have is real. It is not pbadion or romance, but emotional support and honesty .
The only great sadness of my life is that it is unlikely that I will ever have children . When I was younger, I was single and my situation was not favorable. Now that I've finally met someone, I think it's too late.
But I learned that the human link is what matters most in this life and that's what I have.
Everyone falls in love . People with mental health problems too.
I had a lot of trouble when I was young and I want all people who are living with mental problems and are trying to find a partner to know the following: Things Can S & D # 39; improve
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