Premature menopause: I thought I was pregnant

Nicole Evans was diagnosed with premature menopause at 30 years of age. Evans writes for BBC 100 Women on the impact of infertility and on how he likened the diagnosis.

For a few years, my periods were less abundant, but when I spoke to the health staff of New Zealand, my country, attributed to a natural effect of the pill. When there was not a month, I had my period, I went to the doctor, excited because I thought I was pregnant. I was married a year ago and we had just started talking about a baby

But the pregnancy test was negative . My doctor did a blood test and I was quoted at another visit to explain that my hormone levels were not normal. I was referred to a hormone specialist and I was diagnosed with premature menopause. I did not know that the ovaries could stop working at this age, it was an incredible shock.

Today's feminism tells us that we can have everything and that we should want everything, with our conditions and our rhythms. But the cost we pay for this lie when circumstances interfere with the way we planned is very high.

I think that personalities have a lot to do with raising awareness of fertility. When it is wrongly inferred that the fertility of a woman is, directly or indirectly, something that easily exists up to the age of 50, it is easy to find a woman's fertility. ignore signs that there may be problems. I did not know that in general the fertility of a woman began to decline at age 30 .

We decided to do an in vitro fertilization cycle with an egg donor, a great friend. We felt very optimistic and we expected it to be the solution to all our problems. However, we ended up with only one viable embryo to transfer and this did not end during pregnancy. It was very sad for all of us.

A year later, another friend offered to help us, but this time I had a lot of doubts. It was the last cycle funded by the government and psychologically, I felt safer during treatment. When you are in the middle of a fertility treatment, it can be very difficult to go out even every morning

But we decided to bet on the second cycle because he was 32 years old. Time was running.

What is menopause?

• Menopause is the life stage of a woman's life that begins when she stops menstruating
• The rules may be less common months or years before. menopause
• Other symptoms include hot flushes, lack of concentration, headache, anxiety, decreased badual desire and difficulty sleeping
• Menopause usually occurs between 45 and 55 years
• One in 100 women under 40 has premature menopause, also known as premature ovarian failure

Source: NHS UK

Unfortunately, the two embryo implantations of this cycle have not become pregnancies and we did not have the financial or emotional resources to invest in a third cycle.

I could not consider adoption. After undergoing physical therapy, I should start another intervention (regarding our relationship, our work, our family life, our finances) as part of an exhausting process. Of course, I understood why it was necessary, but I did not see myself able to cope with it after the trauma that I had already suffered.

I hit the bottom. The emotional anguish caused by the loss of our potential children followed to h as rational as we have tried to overcome it. And this anxiety that I felt until one night in particular. I was with a friend and her newborn and, after they left, I found that the desire to have a baby was gone. He had simply disappeared.

I could not explain it otherwise: I believe that God has taken away this deep aspiration of the heart. And if I look back, I know now that it's because something better was planned for me: a closer relationship with him.

It seems that many doctors are unaware of premature menopause. I spoke to a lot of women in the support group and I told them that when they informed the doctor that their rules had become irregular, they would send them back to specialists at the latest after a certain period of time. .

I am under a substitution treatment. since I was diagnosed. I am very grateful for this treatment, because even in the 1940s, as now, it is very difficult to talk about hot flashes, bad moods and mental fog caused by menopause. You feel too embarrbaded when you speak.

Not having to buy sanitary products every month is an advantage. But it took me a while to recognize the positive aspects such as this one.

I think that Western culture, reluctant to aging and adversity, prevents us from facing the natural processes of life. We are so specialized in turning away from difficult realities, feeding us comforting lies, that we have a very limited idea of ​​what makes a life truly satisfying.

Premature menopause may have caused me much pain, but it also revealed misleading that true satisfaction is found in health, youth, and perfection . Our journey through infertility was a crisis and we had to rebuild our world from scratch, but it certainly strengthened us both individually and as a couple.

He taught us many lessons: our true identity transcends our circumstances; think of the blessings we have; have more compbadion for others; and to approach life with an open mind, among others. We may not have everything, but we have everything we need.

This memo is part of the multi-award winning # 100Women International Season, in which the BBC has been devoting a large space to women every year since 2013. And lists 100 women from around the world who stand out. their achievements, their struggles or their extraordinary experiences.