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Anne Rucchetto, is a 27-year-old writer living in Toronto, Canada. As part of the BBC's special 100-woman series, he wrote about the importance of paying the bill.
When I started hanging out with people, my mother warned me that "there is nothing free." 19659003] "Men will believe that you owe them something" he condemned
I know that my mother did not pretend to fill me with fear, but her statement caused me worries every time I met someone again. It took me a long time to get rid of that feeling of obligation that I felt towards men who paid $ 5 worth of beer, but I did not do it again. since.
As a person who has been dating boys since the age of 14. I have spent a lot of time thinking and discussing ways to find a good partner, as well as behaviors to look for when you meet someone for the first time.
Nowadays, looking for someone to go out with is easier than ever, with applications and online communities for people of all orientations, identities and all horizons imaginable [19659003] But who should pay the bill on this first date? it is a question that always arouses an animated conversation .
I always followed the logic that, in order for women to be treated as men, we must pay our share and share the account with our partner. For this to be no problem, I've always suggested going to places where prices are reasonable, cheap and lively restaurants, discos, recitals, parks.
The first time I went out with a man who boasted about his sports car and his travels, he muddled me the fact that he wanted to split the account. It is interesting to note that it is often these privileged men who told my friends that I "am a feminist, so we divide it."
Whether or not men believe that women's work is underestimated, Done. In addition, whether or not they agree that women are paid less, they benefit directly.
In this I do not say that men do not work hard or that they must always pay: that it is obvious that I have a higher income than the one with whom I go out, he seems good to divide or pay the entire bill.
If I notice that a man tells the payment of his account at the first appointment with me, as I give him I remain "accountable" for something I insist on paying for it myself and closing the door on any opportunity to continue communication. This type of primitive mentality betrays a lack of perspective, respect and consent.
"Overcoming imbalances"
I go out with men and women and, curiously, every time I go out with a woman or a person of diverse baduality, we always fight to pay the bill.
I have been with my partner Zac for over a year. I had a good feeling when he said that he loved animals, describe his appreciation for his friends and share his views on workers' rights. He paid for our first appointment and me the second.
Now, we share expenses according to our ability to do so when we go out together or visit each other's house. This may change in the future, but we have found a balance that works for both of us.
Our most important goal is to ensure that we both feel respected and that none of us feels neglected or abused.
a small opportunity to recognize that members of society have different access to resources. If we want to be a good company and good partners, it is important to fight against imbalances of power in all relationships.
Who pays the first day does not define the terms of the relationship.
The people involved can search for terms that suit them. Regardless of the expectations we may have as to who should (or should not) pay on the first date, it is always good to have a consideration.
BBC
This note is part of the # 100Women season, winner of several international awards, in which the BBC devotes every year since 2013 a wide space to women and draws a list of 100 women of the world all highlighted by their achievements, their struggles or their extraordinary experiences. 19659041] YOU ARE INTERESTED
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