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Note: This column has already been published in 2016
Dear Annie: My grandfather suffered from severe Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunately, this went on for a while.
He was doing well before he turned 75. Sometimes he forgot things, but it was okay. As she got older, her memory deteriorated and her ability to forget things increased. At 80, he was bad. He didn’t know who some of his children were and talking to him was painful at best. At 85, he was completely gone. He sang songs as a child. He didn’t know anything about his own life or his family. Fortunately, he died at 85.
Her daughter, my mother, is now 65 years old and I am concerned that she is showing signs of the disease.
Although my mom knows the name of the utensil you “prick the food” with (as my grandfather described a fork at one time), she forgets things. It repeats itself. I find myself sitting and listening to the same stories.
I first detected a problem when we were barbecuing on July 4th and we sent my mom out for burgers and rolls and she came back with ice cream. We were all stunned and worried. It was then that I knew she needed help.
What makes it worse is that when I tell her that she’s already told me a particular story, she gets on the defensive. She really struggles to cope with her own mortality. I know she is relatively young and there is not much I can do, but I care about her and worry about her. Any ideas on how I should handle this? – Forgotten girl
Dear Forgotten: You are wise to be proactive about this. Encourage your mom to make a doctor’s appointment today. The sooner you seek professional help, the sooner the problem can be diagnosed. If she does have Alzheimer’s disease, early detection will give you and your family more time to plan for the future. In addition, some treatments can temporarily alleviate symptoms. Visit the Alzheimer’s Association website at www.alz.org for more information.
Dear Annie: When our daughter got married about three years ago, we gave her a beautiful wedding and there were about 300 guests. She received many, many beautiful gifts.
She hasn’t sent any thank you notes yet. I offered to help him on two different occasions and his response was, “I’ll do it. “
Guests have asked me if my daughter has already received their gift. I do not know what to say.
What are your suggestions? Is it too late for my daughter to send thank you notes now, almost three years later? Should I just drop it and not let it bother me anymore? Thank you for your reply. — Mother
Dear mother: Unfortunately, I doubt that you are the only mother who has been in this position. Social niceties are in favor of the sleepover and landline these days.
Talk to your daughter and her partner (who is just as much to blame, by the way) about the importance of getting it right. Encourage them to set aside an entire day to give thanks. They may delay sending them at this point because they are embarrassed about the time that has passed. But it’s better late than never. A beautiful handwritten thank you note means a lot in the age of emojis and instant gratification.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “Frustrated Grandma”, who is constantly stuck babysitting grandchildren with little appreciation from her son. Brian and Amanda have to take Grandma on a cruise with them or send Grandma on a cruise with Grandpa or a friend to thank her for all she does every year. – Jackie in Florida
Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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