Everyday Strong: Becoming A Safe Space For Your Teenager | News, Sports, Jobs

You hear her door slam upstairs, then the sound of music passes through her. There is no way your little girl is going to this party tonight – that would be dangerous and inappropriate. Why can’t she see this? You are frustrated with the situation and regret that it was so upset, but was there a better way to handle it?

It’s easy to feel like there is no way for us to raise our children without them being upset. In a way, that’s true, but there is a strategy – and a few different ways to use it – that might help! It’s called Safe to Talk.

Safe to Talk is when caring adults allow themselves to be a safe place for children and teens to come when they need to talk. Being a safe place for teens to talk means loving, accepting, and supporting. How can parents be a safe place for their teenager while still being a parent? The key is to create the safe space first and be a parent second.

Creating a safe space can be done by listening to your teenager. When your teenager comes to you with a question or a problem, don’t respond right away. Instead, put duct tape over your mouth and actively listen. It means nodding, encouraging him to continue, and asking him questions about how he feels or thinks about the situation. Don’t say anything, just appreciate the situation and what he thinks about it first.

There may be times when you are not ready to listen and / or your teenager is not ready to speak. In these situations, don’t force a conversation. Let your teen know that you need a minute to calm down, or let them know you’re ready to listen when they feel comfortable talking to you. By giving your teen the space and choice to come to you, they’ll feel more in control of the conversation and more comfortable talking to you.

In a new Youtube video produced by EveryDay Strong, LCSW Tiffany Statham discusses the concept of Safe to Talk. In the video, Statham compares our emotions to the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Sometimes we get into these conversations too much by wanting to lecture our teenager, blame our teenager, or give him our opinion. Sometimes we get too cold when we scorn our teenager’s emotions or start responding before listening.

Get into the conversation just by physically turning to your teenager, giving them your undivided attention, and actively listening to their feelings and experiences. Now, when you answer their question, give advice, or educate your teen, they’ll know that you understand their point of view first and take it into account.

Child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Matt Swenson says that when we see young people acting defensively or insistently, it may be because they don’t feel safe to speak honestly about their challenges, their feelings and their ideas. Help create this safe space by learning to actively listen to your child.

United Way of Utah County is on a mission to help every child in our community feel safe, connected and confident. You can listen to our latest podcast episode on

anchor.fm/everydaystrong (or on Apple Podcast and Spotify). Learn more about us at dailystrong.org

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