Family members mourn as they are separated from husband, father, dying of COVID in intensive care

WILMINGTON, NC (WECT) – This is a heartbreaking dilemma that people across the country are facing once again. Families have separated from each other after a loved one was hospitalized with COVID-19. WECT spoke to a family going through this trauma, fearing the father would die alone.

“No family should have to go through what we’ve been through,” Joy Harman said tearfully in a Zoom interview from her home in Pender County.

Her family was not vaccinated and when family members caught COVID in early August, the symptoms hit Joy’s father, Gary Avery, the hardest. He had a history of kidney disease, which made him more vulnerable.

“He’s been in the hospital I don’t know how many times, and every time he’s been there I was able to be right next to him and feed him, and I was sleeping in a chair next to him. and just put my hand on him, ”Marylillie, Gary’s wife of 43 years, told WECT.

But this time, hospital staff told Marylillie that she couldn’t visit him. They restrict visitors to limit the spread of infection. To make matters worse, Marylillie and Joy had also contracted COVID.

“Where’s the heart?” Joy said, questioning the hospital’s decision to prevent them from visiting her father. “I also want our community to be safe. We don’t wish that on anyone. But at the same time, is it really fair to keep your family away? Is it really fair to leave your family lying alone in a hospital bed? Scared. Sick. You know? We are in America.

“We begged them to let me go and sit there. I told them I won’t leave the room. I’ll stay there in his room. I don’t have to go. I have no reason to leave my husband’s bedside, ”said Marylillie.

Doctors and nurses working on the frontlines of this pandemic say it’s a difficult – but necessary – call.

“If you are COVID positive or have a COVID infection, you are prohibited from visiting. So we’ve had visits, family members who are actually positive for COVID ask to visit us and we say ‘No’. It protects our staff, other patients and available families, ”said Dr. West Paul, physician in internal medicine and clinical director of New Hanover Regional Medical Center, of the hospital’s policy.

Despite the risk, the hospital is allowing case-by-case visits for COVID patients in the intensive care unit at the end of their life.

Less than 12 hours after our first interview with Joy and Marylillie, Gary passed away. The hospital allowed them to dress and visit him for 20 minutes in his last hour, but then they had to leave and Gary died alone.

“I don’t want another wife to have to go through what I went through with my husband,” Marylillie told WECT days after her death. “She should be allowed to get the better of her husband and take care of him. There is no way a hospital staff can take care of him every second. And I could have.

As a trained nurse, Marylillie was particularly upset to be denied the opportunity to help her husband in his dying days.

“We got the phone call saying my father’s lungs had collapsed. And that he was declining rapidly. And that they were going to put him on life support, ”Joy remembers of the phone call she received from the hospital hours before her father died. At this point he was no longer able to interact with them, but the Averys were allowed to come see Gary for a painfully short 20-minute visit.

“We had to put on an N95 mask, we put on a helmet, we put a suit on our arms and our gloves. And we walked in and sat down with daddy, ”Joy said. When their time was up, they had to leave, and 15 minutes later, they learned that their precious father and husband had passed away, alone.

“The contact when they allowed us to see my father was no different than it would have been if they had allowed us to see him when he was fine,” Joy said of her frustration at not seeing him. be able to visit him sooner.

The human impact of all of this is also heartbreaking for caregivers.

“Our suppliers, doctors and nurses are really struggling with this. I mean, they are the ones who witness death around us, but they are also the ones who are responsible for taking care of our staff and our patients. So they have this dual role and it is incredibly difficult to maintain it. Trying to make sure they’re doing the right thing not only with regard to the patient but our staff and making sure everyone is safe – they are – it’s very difficult, ”added Dr Paul.

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