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For Thanksgiving, Michelle Preble planned to fly out from her home in Clackamas County, Oregon, Texas to share a vacation dinner with her mother and brother, Donnie, who is in hospice home care. After a lifetime of severe epilepsy due to brain damage he suffered at birth, Donnie, 43, has been told by doctors that he is out of time.
But because of the pandemic, Preble, 48, has made the excruciating choice not to go – even though she hasn’t seen her brother since last Thanksgiving and isn’t sure when she’ll see him next.
“Whatever time she has left, I want to do as much as I can, and not being able to be is heartbreaking,” Preble said. “Every day I’m just grateful that we have one more day with him, and every day I pray that I can see him again.”
As Thanksgiving approaches, the nation’s top public health officials are urging people not to travel or hold large gatherings to help spread the coronavirus.
Many people, like Preble, listen to this advice. But playing it safe can come with a sense of grief over the loss of cherished vacation traditions and time with those who matter most to them.
“We know this is a painful decision to make, given the isolation and loneliness of many people throughout the pandemic,” said Tener Goodwin Veenema, professor and visiting researcher at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security. “But with soaring numbers and skyrocketing hospitalizations, we are forced to really consider implementing serious disease containment strategies.”
With small gatherings at private residences contributing to an explosion in coronavirus cases, experts say the safest way to celebrate Thanksgiving is with members of your own household, or through Zoom if you want to connect with your family and your friends elsewhere.
Not everyone respects that. But among those who cancel their traditional turkey dinners, there is sadness – both having to skip Thanksgiving with their extended families and the scale of the pandemic in this country, where more than 250,000 coronavirus deaths have now been registered.
“I feel desperate,” said Marcellous Adams, 26, a financial crime investigator in Plainfield, Illinois. “I feel like there is no end date.”
Adams typically spends Thanksgiving with his 86-year-old grandmother with around 30 other parents. It’s her grandmother’s favorite holiday, she says, but the family has agreed not to reunite this year. Adams is both disappointed and relieved.
“Everyone loves camaraderie and family, of course, but at the cost of what? Health? “She said.” Death is the worst thing there is, so I will take every precaution. “
Preble will also be hosting a clean Thanksgiving. In addition to not joining her family in Texas, she and her husband will also not be eating with their two adult sons, even though they both live within a half hour’s drive. Preble has rheumatoid arthritis, which compromises her immune system and makes her vulnerable to complications from Covid-19, so she is very careful.
“I never imagined that I would be able, as a mom, to say to my kids, ‘You can’t come for Thanksgiving dinner,’” Preble said.
His sons, however, understand and will instead stop for a quick hello outdoors, with masks on.
“I’m going to pass a plate out the door and do a few nudges,” Preble said.
When your big dinner breaks the law
Even as all 50 states are reporting an increase in Covid-19 cases, it can be tempting to throw big Thanksgiving dinners – and many still will. Nearly 2 in 5 Americans are likely to attend a gathering of more than 10 people on Thanksgiving, according to a survey released this month by Wexner Medical Center at Ohio State University. According to the survey, one in 3 guests will not ask customers to wear masks.
Thanksgiving comes at a particularly difficult time in the pandemic, as colder temperatures across much of the country have limited the ability to gather safely outside. Cases are already skyrocketing and many people are experiencing “caution fatigue” – becoming oblivious to exhaustion warnings while observing safety guidelines, said Jackie Gollan, clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, which is conducting research. on how to make better decisions.
Social events such as vacations can distort the judgment of individuals, Gollan said.
“Being part of social groups is a very powerful factor that can interfere with our common sense or our beliefs in the risk of Covid,” Gollan said. “This year is very different, and it can be dangerous for our health or that of others if we keep these traditions.”
Hosting a large group for Thanksgiving dinner could also be against the law. In various states, including New York, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Rhode Island, gatherings are currently capped at 10 people, even in private residences, in a bid to combat the “living room spread” of Covid-19. Homes are not well ventilated, which can lower heating bills but creates an environment in which the coronavirus can thrive.
Still, some view their Thanksgiving gathering as non-negotiable and do whatever they can to reduce the risk while continuing the tradition.
“I would move mountains so that I could vacation with my family.”
Lisa Tirone, 49, will welcome a dozen of her family, including her parents, to her home in Blairstown, New Jersey. Tirone, who owns a business that offers cooking classes and parties, will use disposable plates and utensils; she will have hand sanitizer and air filters in the house; and she plans to open her windows and sliding doors to improve air circulation. She will also take the temperatures of her guests on arrival.
“I would move mountains so that I could have a vacation with my family,” Tirone said, adding that she asked her relatives not to have close contact with other people until Thanksgiving in order to limit their risk of injury. ‘exposure. “I am extremely comfortable with the precautions we are taking.”
Much of what Tirone does is in line with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommendations for those who vacation with people outside of their homes. If you are having Thanksgiving dinner at someone else’s house, the Federal Health Agency recommends avoiding entering and leaving areas where food is prepared and wearing a mask when not eating. The CDC is also encouraging Thanksgiving meals to be held outdoors, designating a person to serve the food and setting expectations in advance on how to celebrate safely.
Many Americans are expected to get tested for Covid-19 in the days leading up to Thanksgiving as a safety measure before assembling. Already, long queues have started to form at the test sites; Quest Diagnostics, one of the largest commercial labs in the country performing Covid-19 testing, says it has seen only a slight increase in test results processing time so far.
‘A false sense of security’
All precautions may not be enough.
“I think we’re all cradled in a false sense of security when we consider inviting our closest friends and even biological family members who don’t live with us – only because we know them and have a meaning. values are safe, ”said Goodwin Veenema of the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security.
Rusty Hilst, 77, is a longtime high school math teacher in Hutchinson, Kansas, who quit his job over the summer due to concerns about the coronavirus. He has had two scares in recent months in which people he has spent time with outside on the golf course have subsequently tested positive for Covid-19, and he is no longer taking risks. For Thanksgiving, Hilst will be alone, skipping dinner with relatives at his brother’s house for the first time in about 25 years.
“I’m not saying that if I had it, I wouldn’t survive it, but I don’t want to try this situation,” he said.
Instead, Hilst will have a leisurely vacation at home.
“I’ll probably try to find sports, maybe a movie, and splurge on something a step or two above McDonald’s,” he says with a chuckle. A few days later, he revised his plans and decided he would treat himself to a Thanksgiving meal to go to a country club restaurant.
Part of what keeps Hilst’s spirits high is the hope that he can spend the next Thanksgiving with family, especially given the promising data emerging on the Covid-19 vaccines in development.
Meanwhile, in Oregon, Preble keeps in touch with his mom and brother in Texas through daily phone calls and video chats. She has no doubts that she is making the right decision by staying home, and she urges others to do the same.
“It seems like this should be obvious to everyone,” she said. “Imagine sitting across from your grandmother, your great-uncle, or your cousin, and imagine that seat will be empty next year.
“Is sharing pumpkin pie worth it to be the last piece of pumpkin pie you share with a family member?” she asked. “It’s that simple.”
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