Lockdown can have lasting effects on friendships

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“Friendships can deteriorate very quickly if you don’t invest in them – it probably only takes about three months,” says evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar.

So the social tension of the lockdown, even if all is well in the short term, could have long-term effects on some friendships, he says.

In an article in the Royal Society journal, Proceedings A, Professor Dunbar explored the ways our social ties will be altered by the lockdown.

Oxford University’s knowledge of these effects comes from a social world away from Zoom quizzes and Whatsapp groups. The roots of our friendships, he says, lie in the social life of non-human primates.

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For many of these primates, strong social ties – being part of a “stable group” – means protection from predators and rivals.

This in part reveals why many of us cherish our closest friends as if our life depended on them. In our evolutionary history, they did.

And these bonds require a lot of maintenance.

One in one, one in one

In apes and humans, research shows that the quality of a relationship – measured by the likelihood that another ape, ape, or human is to rally and defend you – directly depends on the time invested in it.

“We have to see people surprisingly often to maintain a friendship,” says Professor Dunbar of the University of Oxford. And, because nurturing friendships requires all this time and cognitive ability, we can only maintain a limited number of social bonds.

“Locked out, many people are making new friendships for the first time with people from their streets and communities,” says Professor Dunbar.

“So when we come out of lockdown, some of our more marginal friendships may be replaced by some of this news.”

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One impact of this is something that has been called the ‘relationship funnel’ – an effect echoed by a large survey social scientists conducted in France during the very restrictive lockdown there.

Simply put, while some friendships have been prioritized and even strengthened through increased care and communication, other more marginal connections have simply ‘gone broke’.

A major problem resulting from this “sparkle” is any lasting impact on the friendships of older people.

“When we’re older, we generally find it more difficult to make new friends,” says Professor Dunbar.

“And the biggest factor affecting health, well-being, happiness – even the ability to survive surgery or illness – is the number of high-quality friendships you have.”

Need a hug

As long as it is temporary, our closer and more precious friendships should survive intact thanks to the lockdown – reinforced at least in part, when we will still be able to spend with our friends online.

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Dr Jenny Groarke of Queen’s University Belfast has studied loneliness during the pandemic.

“People use digital modes of communication to meet their social needs, but they are less satisfied with the quality of this form compared to face-to-face contact,” she says.

“[This] We found that lower satisfaction with the quality of digital social contacts was associated with greater loneliness. “

This is consistent with the findings of Professor Dunbar’s research on social behavior. There is no substitute, he says, for close, face-to-face encounters.

Part of it is the human urge to touch.

“People [in our surveys] also talked about the lack of physical contact and how it was ‘weird’ and ‘not normal’ to go so long without touching people, ”says Dr Groarke.

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And looking at our closest primate relatives – chimpanzees – touching isn’t just “normal”, it’s socially vital.

Chimpanzees often spend hours every day grooming themselves. This strictly individual rapprochement of caresses and the picking of parasites is not just a question of hygiene. Research shows that it strengthens social bonds and prompts the brain to release innate, pain-relieving and pleasure-boosting chemicals called endorphins.

However, as so many of our modern human interactions move online, our own brains are still wired to respond to a similar soft touch (provided, of course, that it’s fully invited and appropriate).

We, like our primate cousins, have a specialized system of nerve fibers that pick up and transmit the sensation of touch from our skin to these bundles of brain cells that release endorphin.

Scientists studying this touch-triggered pleasure system have even conducted experiments showing that the more “human” the sensation of being stroked on the forearm, the more “pleasurable” it is.

As the researchers reported in a study recently published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: “Perceiving soft touch as a human appears to promote pleasure, perhaps because it serves to enhance interpersonal contact as a means of creating and sustaining social ties. “

It gives a new physiological meaning to the feeling of needing a hug from a friend.

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“We make physical contact all the time,” says Professor Dunbar. “There are strict natural rules about who we can touch, but with close friends and family, we pat on the back, we touch a shoulder…

“Because it’s below the horizon of consciousness, we don’t appreciate how important it is to us.”

Fortunately, for humans, there are other social activities that activate the brain’s pleasure centers – many of which can be performed socially or online. Laughing, singing, dancing, eating and drinking alcohol together have all been shown to release endorphins and play a role in maintaining our very important social bonds.

For most of us, says Professor Dunbar reassuringly, this period of social distancing will be a sad but fleeting frustration. But we’ll have to take the time to mend the locked relationships.

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